DEAR ABBY: I never had a desire to have kids. I married a man, "Harry," who had four, and did my duty being with them on holidays, birthdays and vacations. I never enjoyed it, and I have always been honest regarding my feelings about baby-sitting.

Now that Harry's children are grown and have children of their own, they think my husband and I should give up our weekends and holidays to baby-sit their children. Harry and I have had several serious arguments about this.

I have told his kids I do not want to watch their children. Harry will tell me at the last minute that one of them is being dropped off because the father and his girlfriend are going out. When the grandchild arrives, Harry disappears because he doesn't want to be bothered.

I served my time when my stepchildren were small and have looked forward to the day I'd no longer have to share my down time with kids.

Three months ago I was "surprised" with the 7-year-old so her dad and his honey could go to Atlantic City for a great time. I told them I had a political function to attend at 1:30 the next day; they didn't return until 3:30 in the afternoon. My husband thought it was fine to go without me! I would never have done that.

I love Harry, but this is causing me major grief. Please tell me what you think about this. Oh -- and did I mention they think because I was an elementary school teacher I should want to sit and play with their kids? It's comparing apples to oranges. -- NEARING WITS' END IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEARING WITS' END: What I think is that you are being taken advantage of, and it will continue as long as you allow it, however unwillingly. The next time Harry informs you at the last minute that a grandchild is being dropped off, grab your coat and purse and tell him you are going shopping, visiting a friend, seeing a movie or anything else that will get you out of the house. If you do, perhaps the next time his kids need a baby sitter he will suggest that they hire one.

Oh, and did I mention that when you were a teacher, you were compensated for your labor? You are being used, and I hope you draw the line before you really arrive at wits' end.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old man. Many people tell me I look much younger because I have my hair colored professionally.

I started dyeing my hair about 16 years ago because my children are much younger than those of most people my age. They wanted me to color my hair so that I didn't look like their friends' grandparents.

Now friends and new acquaintances make comments about me not having any gray hair at my age. So, what do I say? Should I tell them that I have my hair colored? Should I just laugh? Please advise. -- TO DYE OR NOT TO DYE

DEAR T.D.O.N.T.D.: Many men have their hair professionally colored these days and others do it themselves at home. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You neither have to laugh nor to divulge the secret of your eternal youth. However, since you are beginning to feel self-conscious because you feel the color of your hair isn't age-appropriate, discuss it with your colorist. It may be time to let a little bit of gray come through at the temples.

DEAR ABBY: Alzheimer's and other dementias are a growing epidemic in America. Frequently, co-workers are the ones who notice a decline in functioning.

Could you please remind your readers to speak up to a family member when they see their co-workers struggling? My 62-year-old husband was recently diagnosed, and I have since learned that his co-workers spotted his troubles long before I did at home. Had I been informed, he could possibly have retired on disability and have Medicare today (which he does not now). Additionally, he would have known to have structured his retirement to include survivorship on his pension, which he did not.

I realize his co-workers were in a difficult spot, so I'm not blaming them, but I'm hoping a few words from you might get the word out to others: Friends, when you notice someone is declining, please speak up. -- DONNA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DONNA: I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis. Although there have been warnings that it was coming for years, the Alzheimer's epidemic is here now and millions more families will be touched by this progressive -- and ultimately fatal -- disease unless its course can be altered.

As you have so poignantly stated, there are benefits to the early detection of Alzheimer's, including the opportunity to take advantage of available treatments, leverage resources in the workplace, plan for the future and seek help.

According to the Alzheimer's Association, knowing the warning signs of Alzheimer's and speaking up when you notice them are critical to early detection and receiving the best possible care. While this may be an uncomfortable conversation, if you notice these signs in anyone -- including a colleague -- it is extremely important to share your concerns with the family or with someone in human resources. The person should be evaluated by a physician. A doctor will be able to determine whether the symptoms are caused by Alzheimer's disease or something else.

To learn the 10 Early Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer's, visit alz.org/10signs or call 1-800-272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my brother told me his wife had been having an affair. Needless to say, they divorced and I sided with my brother.

A few days ago, I learned that my brother was actually the one who had been having the affair, not my sister-in-law. He and his current wife had a child they claimed was her first husband's, and when they married he "adopted" all of her children from her first marriage.

Because we lived in different states at the time it was easy to believe what I was told. I think that my ex-sister-in-law deserves an apology from us all. At the same time, I want to confront my brother about the lie. We are still not sure if the child, who is now an adult, knows my brother is really her biological father. -- LIED TO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LIED TO: I don't think it is ever too late to offer an apology where one is needed, so contact your former sister-in-law and tell her that you now know the truth and you are sorry. Because you feel the need to speak your mind to your brother, do so.

However, whether your niece knows that your brother is her biological father is not your business, and you certainly should not be the person to enlighten her if she doesn't know. That news should come from her parents.

DEAR ABBY: When I was an adolescent, my father molested me. It took me 20 years to finally confide this secret to my mother. Afterward it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

That feeling lasted about two minutes. That's how long it took for her to get on the phone and spread the news to everyone she could think of.

This was two years ago and, after repeatedly asking her to stop, she continues to tell. Two days ago, I caught her spilling the beans to an acquaintance she hadn't spoken to in more than a decade. We got into a heated argument, and she told me she will say what she wants, whenever she wants, to whomever she wants.

My feelings are not considered, even though I was the victim in all of this. I feel she tells my story to gain sympathy for herself.

Abby, I'm ready to end my relationship with my mother. How can I make her stop flapping her lips? -- THE GOSSIP'S DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: I suspect you are correct about your mother's motives, and you have my sympathy. Because you can't "make her stop flapping her lips," you will have to accept that she can't be trusted with any confidential information.

As I see it, you have two choices. The first would be to cut her out of your life (for which I wouldn't blame you), and the other is to avoid sharing any personal information with her in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old daughter, "Shannon," has moved back home and has a part-time job. We pay for her health and car insurance. Because her funds are limited, I asked her to make me a list of things she might want for Christmas. The two things she wants are a tattoo and a piercing.

I told her that while I respect her wish to express herself, I do not want to pay for something like that. I said if she wants a tattoo and a piercing, she will have to save her money and get them. She became upset with me and said I should give her what she wants instead of something I prefer.

I know there are things Shannon needs. Am I selfish for not wanting to give her a tattoo or piercing when I'd rather spend my money on something more practical like shoes, clothing or incidentals? -- SENSIBLE MOM IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS

DEAR SENSIBLE MOM: If you are uncomfortable paying for a body modification for your daughter, then don't do it. However, you should take into consideration that Shannon is an adult now and reconsider imposing your values on her.

If she were my daughter, I would give her a check for Christmas along with a note expressing holiday wishes and the thought that you gave her a healthy body, and with it, a nice complexion. It is now hers to do with as she wishes. Then cross your fingers and hope she'll have second thoughts.

DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors insisted on giving me some handcrafted Christmas decorations that are hideous. I have never been big on decorating the outside of my home for the holidays, but when I do, I have my own that I like much better.

I know she expects me to display her items and will be all bent out of shape when she sees I haven't. Is there a diplomatic way to avoid hurt feelings? -- FLORIDA READER

DEAR READER: Not really. So hang one or two of them in an inconspicuous place when you decorate for the holidays, so they will be "lost" among the items you prefer to display, or refrain from decorating this year.