DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and agreed to split our visits 50-50 between our cities. Initially, it worked great. Unfortunately, his work schedule has changed, and for the past year he has come here to visit me only once every month or so, while I frequently drive for hours to see him.

He says that because he's away from home for work, it's only fair that I travel to see him since it's "less trouble" for me. I understand that he puts in a lot of time with travel for work, but at what point does the ratio become unbalanced and unfair?

I miss weekends in my city with my friends, and it makes me sad that he won't make the effort to see me. What do you think is right in this matter? -- UNCERTAIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: "What's right" is the original agreement you had with your boyfriend, or something close to it. Because he is no longer willing to live up to his part in the bargain, consider seeing him less often.

Perhaps if he has a chance to miss you, he will feel impelled to make more of an effort. And if he's not, then you won't have to cut off your social relationships at home -- relationships you may need if this romance doesn't work out the way you would like.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 32 years has delusional jealousy. It is so bad that she has checked my genitals and questioned the neighbors' wives. I have stayed in this marriage only because of our children, who are now adults.

I am at a crisis point where I want a divorce. I detest throwing 32 years away, but I have no love for this woman. We have sought counseling three times. However, once I start describing her delusions, the sessions quickly stop. -- WANTS OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS OUT: Nowhere in your letter could I discern a question, but from my vantage point, I disagree that you would "throw 32 years away." You used that time to make sure your children were grown and independent.

I'm sorry about your wife's delusions, but because she is unwilling to follow through with counseling, there is nothing you or I can do about them. If you want my permission to end this marriage, I can't grant it; only you can do that for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is engaged to a severe alcoholic. I host the annual Christmas dinners and I feel stuck. When he was here last year, he broke a wine glass that held special meaning for my husband and me and generally made a fool of himself.

Should I invite my sister and tell her that her fiance isn't welcome? (They live together.) He has gotten even worse this year. He broke three bones because he was so drunk he fell, and he left rehab three times in one month. I'm a cancer survivor and do not need the stress in my life. -- NERVOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NERVOUS: I agree that you shouldn't subject yourself to unnecessary stress. Your health must come first.

If you haven't discussed this with your sister, do it now. A way to include her and her fiance would be to serve no alcohol during your Christmas celebration. However, if that isn't feasible, then tell her that until her fiance is able to stay "dry," you regret that you will be unable to entertain them.

DEAR ABBY: My divorce from "Vince" will be final in a few weeks. We have two sons together and we communicate well. Since our breakup, my parents have continued their relationship with him. They say, "You divorced him, we didn't."

They have confirmed that he will be invited to all holiday events. I am so upset about it that I now want nothing to do with them. Vince has his own family who have unanimously removed me from their lives.

I'm hurt by my parents' actions. Am I wrong? And are my feelings normal? -- LOST MY PARENTS IN THE DIVORCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOST: As the father of your children, Vince will always be a part of your life, so my advice is to accept it graciously. Because Vince had a good relationship with your parents, I can understand why they would extend an invitation to the father of their grandchildren. Whether he will choose to accept is the question. His family may have declared you persona non grata because in their eyes you divorced him.

That said, your feelings are your feelings. Rather than say they are "wrong," I would point out that they are unproductive at this point. As you move forward with your emotional life, I predict this will become less of an issue.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old divorced man. I use an online dating service to meet women my age, but I'm extremely frustrated by the lack of courtesy.

Why is it so hard for a woman to simply write, "Thanks, but I'm not interested" after getting a note of inquiry? My photos are recent, I'm polite and I send thoughtful notes that show I have read their profiles carefully and think there's a chance we have something in common. I admit, I'm not the handsomest man, but I hold a master's degree and I am financially stable.

I have sent a dozen notes over the last few months, and not one woman has been polite enough to respond. Any thoughts? -- DATELESS IN DAYTON

DEAR DATELESS: Please don't let the lack of response make you quit putting yourself out there, because eventually you're going to find someone if you keep trying. You are an intelligent man, and I am sure you have much to offer some lucky woman.

However, I would delicately point out to you that by not responding to your notes these women are sending you a message. It is possible that because the "chemistry" is wrong, they do not wish to get into a dialogue.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and every time I meet people, they think I am 12. How do I look more my age? Please help me. -- HONEY IN GEORGIA

DEAR HONEY: A way to accomplish it would be to go to a department store and ask at the cosmetics counter about a demonstration makeover to achieve a more sophisticated look. While you're there, I'm sure a clothing salesperson would also be happy to accommodate you in finding items that girls your age are buying. A different hairstyle could also "update" your image if you are wearing it the way you did a few years ago.

P.S. While you may not think it now, later on you will regard your youthful appearance as an asset. Trust me on that!

DEAR ABBY: I confess, I can be a procrastinator. Last year, my holiday cards sat on my desk, blank and unaddressed until almost Easter, when it was far too late to send them. This year, I figured brevity was better than not getting them sent, so I had photo cards made and wrote short notes on each before mailing them.

Several of my relatives have now told me they felt "snubbed and offended" by my short notes. One aunt is particularly upset and said (via my mother) that my cards "clearly showed I don't care about people, and I should have written proper letters or sent nothing."

Was I wrong to think "some" card was better than no card at all? Also, how should I appease the aunt who is not speaking to me over this? -- HOLIDAY CARD WRITER, AKRON, OHIO

DEAR HOLIDAY CARD WRITER: I don't think you were wrong. As to appeasing your aunt, who appears to be one of those individuals who hang onto imagined slights and delivers her messages via other people, perhaps you should consider leaving her off your Christmas card list from now on for fear of offending her further. Some people are just not "pleasable," and your aunt may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son, "P.J.," dresses in Army fatigues when he goes out. His clothes and boots -- including name patches -- make him look like a soldier. Because he seems so fascinated with the outfit, I asked him if he wants to consider joining the military. He said he's not interested, he just likes "the look."

I'm embarrassed when we're out together. Friends have commented, "I didn't know P.J. enlisted." My response is, "He's not in the military. He just likes to dress the part." When strangers have approached him and thanked him for his service and for protecting our country, he actually says, "You're welcome!"

When I try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and tells me to mind my own business. I feel he's representing himself as someone he's not. He does have a job. He buys his military gear online and at military shops.

How am I supposed to respond when people ask me obvious questions? Isn't it illegal to dress in Army attire when you're not affiliated with the military? -- MOM OF A CIVILIAN IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR MOM: I can see why you are embarrassed. You should be. What your son is doing may not be illegal, but it is dishonest.

When you are asked if he is in the military, you should continue to tell the truth. Because your son doesn't set people straight when he is thanked for his service, what he's doing is disrespectful, unethical and unfair to anyone who actually has served.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small rural town with lots of nice neighbors. During the holidays, I receive a variety of delicious homemade gifts -- jams, cookies, breads and other specialties.

I am careful about my diet and consume no white flour or sugar. This means I must thank the person for the gifts, then figure out what to do with them. I hate throwing them out, and I don't know how to stop the practice. What's the best way to handle this annual dilemma? -- UNSURE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR UNSURE: If you work, consider bringing the goodies with you and sharing them with your co-workers. Or, donate them to a shelter or senior center where they might be enjoyed and appreciated.