DEAR ABBY: For the last eight years I have been the mother of a star in our local high school. When one of my boys would graduate, the next would take over and be even more athletic or musically talented -- and in my youngest son's case, both.

Now that they are gone I can't stand hearing other parents talk about their children's accomplishments. I also can't stop myself from making some comment about how my sons were better. I know it's wrong, but I still do it.

Sporting events make me sad and my husband depressed. Is this empty nest? We can't seem to figure out how to move on. Have you any suggestions? More children are out of the question. -- SPOTLIGHTS DIMMED IN OHIO

DEAR S.D.: When people peer too long into a spotlight -- whether directly or the reflected glare of someone nearby -- it diminishes their vision for a period of time after the light is extinguished. What you may fail to see is that all parents are proud of their kids, and if you continue to compare other people's children unfavorably with your own, you will soon be as welcome as a polecat at a garden party.

This is why I urge you and your husband to take a little time, refocus your attention to children less fortunate than your own, and invest some of your energy in other youths who need the encouragement and support you can give. If you do, you will be rewarded many times over.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband -- who had an affair -- and I have been divorced for three years, but have been forced into a roommate situation due to health issues on my part and financial issues on his. We have two kids together that I have needed his help with. However, there is a potential "new guy" in my life who is uncomfortable that my ex still lives here.

My friends tell me I'm too nice to have let him stay here for so long. I feel it's the charitable thing to do because he has nowhere to go. I'm also afraid my kids will think I'm being hateful if I kick their father out. Oh my God, Abby, what do I do? -- IN TRANSITION IN TENNESSEE

DEAR IN TRANSITION: If you want to stay "stuck" in your predicament, allow your former husband to continue living there. If you would like to go on with your life, then recognize that very few men would want to date a woman who has another man living with her.

By allowing your ex to stay with you, you have allowed your children to think your marriage could be repaired. If that is not the case -- and search your heart before answering that question -- then set a time limit for him to leave.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant last night. We were enjoying our meal when a couple came in and sat at a table close to ours. Soon, a bad body odor wafted over to where we were sitting. It was so strong I couldn't finish my dinner.

When we got up to pay our bill, we told the manager about it and asked what could be done. He said that was a tough question and he didn't know the answer. I told him I was going to write to Dear Abby and ask. He said if I got an answer to be sure to let him know. What would you suggest? -- CHOKING IN IOWA

DEAR CHOKING: It was not the responsibility of the restaurant staff to "do" anything about your problem. The thing to do was change to a table in another section. If you were questioned about it -- which I doubt you would be -- the polite response would be that you preferred a table in a different location.

DEAR ABBY: While searching for two of my husband's childhood friends, with his knowledge, I believe I may have found a child he doesn't know is his. I'm not positive that the child is his, but the time frame and location indicate that he could be, and there's a strong resemblance to my husband's brother. (I have seen photos on the Internet.)

I am curious whether my hunch is correct, but I'm afraid of asking the questions, not knowing how they would be received. My husband is a kind and caring person, a great husband and father. The child could have been conceived during a casual, one-night stand before we started dating.

I now wish I had never found this information because by not asking, I feel like I'm in denial, and by not saying anything to him, I feel like a terrible person. If the child is his, the mother has kept this from him for more than 10 years.

I'd really appreciate some input. What's the right thing to do? -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR WONDERING: I see nothing to be gained by withholding this from your spouse. Tell your husband about your research, and what you think you may have turned up. Then ask if he is acquainted with the child's mother. The resemblance could be coincidental, or the child could have been fathered by another family member.

DEAR ABBY: One of my fond memories of my father when I was growing up was that he would always order my mom's meal when we were out for dinner. Of course, she decided what she wanted to eat, but when the waiter came, my dad would always say, "My wife would like the...." Now that I'm older and married, my husband does the same for me.

One couple we dine out with regularly gives me a difficult time about this "tradition." They make comments like, "Oh, Susan's not allowed to speak in a restaurant." The wife has also told me she thinks it's disrespectful to me when my husband orders my food. I have explained that it was a cherished memory of mine and not something forced on me. It's like when a man opens a door for a woman. I can definitely open the door myself, but I appreciate the sweet gesture.

I try to respect opinions that differ from my own, and I don't expect everyone to do as I do. Do you think I'm living in the Stone Age? -- SUSAN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SUSAN: No, I do not; you appear to be living quite happily in the present. While the tradition you and your husband are observing is "antiquated," you are hurting no one.

Please allow me to make an observation: When couples dine out together socially, they are supposed to relax, entertain each other and have a good time. Giving you "heartburn" regarding who orders your dinner is rude, particularly since this couple has done it more than once and has been given an explanation. From my perspective, you might enjoy your evenings out more if you shared them with this particular couple less often.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and agreed to split our visits 50-50 between our cities. Initially, it worked great. Unfortunately, his work schedule has changed, and for the past year he has come here to visit me only once every month or so, while I frequently drive for hours to see him.

He says that because he's away from home for work, it's only fair that I travel to see him since it's "less trouble" for me. I understand that he puts in a lot of time with travel for work, but at what point does the ratio become unbalanced and unfair?

I miss weekends in my city with my friends, and it makes me sad that he won't make the effort to see me. What do you think is right in this matter? -- UNCERTAIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: "What's right" is the original agreement you had with your boyfriend, or something close to it. Because he is no longer willing to live up to his part in the bargain, consider seeing him less often.

Perhaps if he has a chance to miss you, he will feel impelled to make more of an effort. And if he's not, then you won't have to cut off your social relationships at home -- relationships you may need if this romance doesn't work out the way you would like.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 32 years has delusional jealousy. It is so bad that she has checked my genitals and questioned the neighbors' wives. I have stayed in this marriage only because of our children, who are now adults.

I am at a crisis point where I want a divorce. I detest throwing 32 years away, but I have no love for this woman. We have sought counseling three times. However, once I start describing her delusions, the sessions quickly stop. -- WANTS OUT IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS OUT: Nowhere in your letter could I discern a question, but from my vantage point, I disagree that you would "throw 32 years away." You used that time to make sure your children were grown and independent.

I'm sorry about your wife's delusions, but because she is unwilling to follow through with counseling, there is nothing you or I can do about them. If you want my permission to end this marriage, I can't grant it; only you can do that for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is engaged to a severe alcoholic. I host the annual Christmas dinners and I feel stuck. When he was here last year, he broke a wine glass that held special meaning for my husband and me and generally made a fool of himself.

Should I invite my sister and tell her that her fiance isn't welcome? (They live together.) He has gotten even worse this year. He broke three bones because he was so drunk he fell, and he left rehab three times in one month. I'm a cancer survivor and do not need the stress in my life. -- NERVOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NERVOUS: I agree that you shouldn't subject yourself to unnecessary stress. Your health must come first.

If you haven't discussed this with your sister, do it now. A way to include her and her fiance would be to serve no alcohol during your Christmas celebration. However, if that isn't feasible, then tell her that until her fiance is able to stay "dry," you regret that you will be unable to entertain them.