DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of one year, "Eddie," has been invited to the wedding of a waitress who works at a restaurant/bar he frequents. I was not invited. Eddie doesn't dance and has slow danced with me only once. When I told him I would not appreciate him slow dancing with anyone there, we had a heated argument. Eddie told me I have no right to tell him what to do and that I'm trying to control him.

I have run this by many people -- male and female -- and they all say it's inappropriate to slow dance with anyone but your significant other, especially when she's not present.

I feel Eddie has little regard for my feelings. If he really cared for me, he wouldn't want to dance with anyone else. I am interested in your thoughts. -- HIS ONLY DANCE PARTNER

DEAR HIS ONLY: If you would like to "graduate" from girlfriend to fiancee, you will stop trying to control him and tell him you hope he has a good time at the wedding.

Insecurity is not an attractive trait, so calm down and recognize that a dance is only a dance. From your description of Eddie's lack of ability, I seriously doubt he will be a sought-after partner on any dance floor.

DEAR ABBY: Our two children (ages 4 and 1 year) have hyphenated last names. It works well and the names sound elegant together.

My husband and I have made this known in the family and have discussed it when asked about it by various family members. However, over the last four years our choice has been ignored by two relatives from separate sides of our family. They persist in using only my husband's last name for correspondence and gifts. He has suggested returning the mail as "addressee unknown," which I think might come across as rude.

Is there any way of having our children addressed correctly by relatives who seem to want to ignore their real names? -- NEW YORK MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Before doing it your husband's way, try this: Have another chat with the non-compliant relatives, who may come from a different generation. Explain that you gave your children hyphenated last names for a reason -- that you want to be equally represented -- and the omission of "your" name hurts your feelings. If that doesn't work, then go back to plan A because you don't want your children to be confused.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will be married 25 years and have three children. In my family, my dad was the boss. I always was, too, but never was involved very much with the kids. My wife never really complained about it. She just wanted to keep the family together.

Now that the kids are gone, I realize I should have been a better husband. She mostly ignores me and spends her time with the kids and going places. I feel left out. She doesn't even want to celebrate our upcoming 25th. Should we? I know my dad drank a lot, and now I find myself thinking often about how it must have been for my mom back then. -- REGRETTING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REGRETTING: Ask your wife why she doesn't think that 25 years of marriage is something to celebrate, because it should be. She may spend her time with the kids and going places because that is what she has been doing for all these years.

There is still time for you to mend this marriage, provided you are both willing to work on it. However, it may take the services of a marriage counselor to break the ice.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a loving man who works full-time and is studying for his MBA online. A few months ago, he received a promotion and was transferred to another state, so after our wedding I moved here to be with him.

While he was living here alone before our wedding, he got into some trouble with the law and he's now on probation. He was never in trouble before. I have no family or friends here, and he can't go out and socialize to meet new people now that he's under those strict guidelines.

I have always been popular and have many friends back home, but I'm lonely and depressed now. I moved here because I love him, but I can't get over the fact that this has dampened our first year as husband and wife. How should I handle the future of our marriage and our life here with all these unsettling issues he has put me in? -- HURT WIFE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HURT WIFE: Unless your husband is under house arrest -- which probation is not -- he can socialize. He can make friends through work, and look for volunteer opportunities if he has the time. Both will help him to make connections with constructive people. The same is true for you to help you connect with the community.

I know this is a big adjustment for you, but in time you can both put this unfortunate chapter behind you. I wish you both a future filled with success.

DEAR ABBY: Help! My husband won't wear clothes. When our children were young, he walked around naked because he wanted to make sure they didn't have the same hang-ups about nudity that he grew up with. (His father was ultra-conservative and uptight.)

My husband began wearing clothes again when the kids got older, but now they have all moved out and he has quit. He sits naked in his recliner to watch TV. The recliner is right next to the front door, and there's only the storm door between him and the world. Abby, he literally strips all his clothes off to do the dishes!

We live in a neighborhood. It's not like we're out in the country. If I say anything to him, he says I can go into a different room if I don't like it. Is this normal? -- NUDIE'S WIFE IN FLORIDA

DEAR NUDIE'S WIFE: It appears to be normal for your husband. Some -- not all -- families are very relaxed about nudity. As long as your living room isn't visible to the neighbors and you don't have drop-in visitors, your husband is harming no one. If you don't want to look at him, take him up on his suggestion.

P.S. I hope you thank him for doing the dishes. Not all husbands are so helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was a bridesmaid recently. The bride chose a designer dress that my daughter had to put a nonrefundable deposit on. A month later, the bride changed her mind about the color and canceled the order, so all six bridesmaids had to purchase another dress.

Am I wrong in thinking the bride should reimburse her bridesmaids for the first dress that she insisted they buy ASAP -- the one she canceled without talking to any of them? -- BRIDESMAID'S MOM IN ELKHORN, WIS.

DEAR BRIDESMAID'S MOM: Not in my book you aren't. And shame on the bride for not volunteering to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in an abusive marriage for 11 years. Now, when I have finally mustered the courage to leave, everybody says I must stay "for the children" as he is a "changed man."

I no longer love him and he refuses to give me a divorce. He also refuses to admit there is anything wrong in the marriage and says I'm exaggerating everything.

I have tried counseling and therapy alone because he refused to join me. I do not want my four children to be affected by my choice and wish for a mutual discussion, but he doesn't want to discuss divorce. I am afraid to stay and afraid to leave. I have no support system here. -- WANTS OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WANTS OUT: After 11 years of abuse and counseling and therapy alone because your husband would not accompany you, his wishes should no longer affect your decision. Pick up the phone and contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233. That's the place to find information about how to form an escape plan for yourself and your children. Whether your husband is willing to discuss divorce or not, he cannot force you to remain married to him. An attorney can help you with the process once you are out of there.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman with a university degree, a fulfilling job, downtown apartment and a busy social life. I am also heavily tattooed. My tattoos bring me a great deal of happiness. I work in a field where visible tattoos are acceptable, and I'm very good at covering them when necessary.

My problem is how to politely deal with strangers who criticize my tattoos when I'm out in public. I have been told I have "ruined" myself, that I have no future, that I'll never find a husband, that I am ugly, an insult to women and trashy. I do not dress scantily and, in my opinion, these comments are uncalled for.

I usually tell people that I am affecting only myself and that I'm happy, but this usually results in scoffs or more rude remarks. Part of me wants to be rude back because I am offended. What should I say the next time I am inevitably picked on? -- INKED AND IRKED IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR INKED AND IRKED: I printed a letter last spring about a Canadian woman who insisted that people north of the border are nicer than people in the U.S.A. Your letter shows that's not necessarily the case. The next time someone makes an unkind remark about your body art, look the person in the eye and say, "That you would say something so hurtful to me shows you are uglier on the inside than you think I am on the outside."

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months. He's 18 and I'm 17. Every date we go on is initiated and planned by me. For once, I'd like to be surprised and swept off my feet by his actually planning a date. I don't know how to go about this. I want to tell him without hurting his feelings. -- GETTING A LITTLE BORED IN QUAKERTOWN, PA.

DEAR GETTING A LITTLE BORED: The basis for a successful relationship is communication. While I don't advise you to tell your boyfriend that you're "getting a little bored," I do think it would be helpful to express that you'd like him to plan your dates once or twice a month so you don't have to do all the work in maintaining the relationship. That's not hurtful; it's truthful.