DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl from Serbia. I have been in U.S. for two years and I'm studying English in an ESL class. I read your column and could use some help to solve my problem because I am very upset.

I have known my best friend, "Vanessa," for a year and a half. She is my age and we were very close. She had to leave school because her family moved. I can't visit her because she is too far away. I cried because I don't know if she is going to remember me or if she is going to forget all about me. I'm so afraid I am going to lose her. Can you help me? -- SAD IN BUFFALO

DEAR SAD: You are obviously doing well in your ESL studies, and for that I congratulate you. Because you and Vanessa no longer live close does not mean that you can't still be friends. Although she has moved to a different geographical location, you can maintain a friendship because she is as near as your phone or computer.

Because you want to still be a part of her life, keep her updated on what is going on in your life and ask her to do the same. That is the way long-distance relationships are maintained, and some of them have been known to last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Adam," for three years. Although we are young, we are serious about our relationship. Not too long after we started dating, Adam began staying over at my house on most weekends. I live with my mom, who is 47.

For the past year when Adam comes to visit, my mom has been coming out of her bedroom in her bra and panties, for the most part exposed. She also makes flirtatious comments to Adam that I feel are completely inappropriate.

I have tried talking to her about it, letting her know how uncomfortable Adam and I and some of my friends are about it. I hoped she would understand, but she continues with the flirting and underdressing. What can I do about this? I'm desperate to try anything. -- DESPERATE IN MAINE

DEAR DESPERATE: You may be desperate, but not as desperate as it appears your mother is for attention. Because talking to her hasn't helped, accept that she is not going to change her behavior. Have Adam stay over less often. When you meet with your friends, do it at someone else's house. And if you can afford to move elsewhere, you should consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of a 12-year-old boy. Three or four of his friends are constantly over at our house, and I feel obligated to feed and/or entertain them. Their parents don't send money for their meals and often don't even call to check on them, so they are left spending the night here.

I don't mind the boys staying with us, but I don't think I should be expected to pay for their food and fun or feel guilty if my son and I eat and they don't. Any suggestions? -- SINGLE MOM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SINGLE MOM: Call the boys' parents and have a friendly chat with them. I agree that the current situation isn't fair to you, and because the boys are at your home so often, their parents should be chipping in. Alternatively, start sending the boys home at dinner time.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old male, married for 26 years. I am hopelessly in love with my wife and still see her as the most beautiful woman in the world.

I have always been self-employed and have sometimes been at the extremes of feast or famine. During the bad times, I often worked 110-plus-hour weeks to save the ship.

Each time things have gotten really bad, my wife has had an affair to make up for the time, money and attention I can't provide her. I found out about her latest affair (her third) when I found a secret cellphone in her purse. For the last eight months, when she visited our daughter at college, she would check into a hotel with her lover.

I feel responsible for failing to meet her needs. She doesn't want a divorce, but admits she doubts she will ever fully stop dating, and says the effort she puts into deceiving me is proof she loves me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I am amazed at the number of men willing to have sex with a married woman. My heart is broken, and I feel like a failure. Am I a fool to keep fighting for her? -- HOPELESSLY IN LOVE

DEAR HOPELESSLY IN LOVE: I hope you realize that as "beautiful" as your wife may be, your relationship with her isn't a healthy one. Please go online and look up the definition of the word "codependency."

If your wife loved you, she would prove it by doing everything in her power to help you through the rough periods, including finding a job to help with the bills, not sneaking around with other men. That she would claim her deceit is "proof of her love," and that you would believe her, is amazing.

This woman has shown no remorse; she has told you she doesn't plan to be faithful in the future. Do not let her hoodwink you into believing her infidelity is your fault because you worked yourself nearly into a physical collapse trying to save your business and provide for her. If you accept that, it would be foolish.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette for someone who takes pictures at a funeral?

I am a recent widow who received a package from an out-of-town relative. In it were several envelopes for my family. One of them was for my sister, who lives 40 miles away. I gave my sister a call and told her it looked like it contained a stack of pictures. She said I should go ahead and open it.

Inside were photos taken at my husband's funeral -- pictures of the funeral home, inside the church, the casket, and some of me and my daughter sitting at the gravesite. Abby, it was like going to the funeral all over again! The latter were particularly disturbing.

To me, it felt like voyeurism. Why would someone take pictures of such a sad event? I hope you print this and tell me and others what your opinion is so they may heed your advice -- particularly my in-laws. -- GRIEVING WIDOW IN INDIANA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. I can only imagine the shock you experienced when you saw the photos. No one should take pictures at funerals without first having received permission from the immediate survivors such as the widow, widower or children.

That said, the practice is not as uncommon as you might think. After a period of time, family members have been known to find comfort in having them. Short of asking your permission, your trauma could have been avoided had the relative who sent the pictures thought to label the envelopes or include a note explaining what was inside them. That way, you wouldn't have had to view them until you were ready -- if ever -- and were prepared emotionally.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are contemplating starting a family. When I was younger I wanted children, but over the years my personal experiences have caused trepidation. Because of divorce and the custody battles of my older siblings, I know the amount of blood, sweat and tears that go into children.

I work in the field of social services. Every day I am confronted with families who struggle with more children than they can care for and with behavioral and emotional problems. Frankly, it has turned me off. I am terrified of all the "what ifs."

I can't talk to my family because I don't want to tell them they have created part of my problem. My in-laws can't understand why we don't have children yet.

My husband keeps insisting "everything will be fine." I love him deeply and he would make an amazing father. My heart wants this, but my head isn't sure. I can't picture our future without children, but the fear of actually having them brings me to tears. Can you help me? -- SCARED TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

DEAR SCARED: Children don't come with 100 percent, money-back guarantees. What they need in order to thrive is parents who love each other and them, and who are willing to put forth the time and energy to raise them. I don't know what went wrong in your siblings' marriages, but it appears their kids have been used as pawns rather than having their own interests put first. If both parents cooperated in the interests of the children there would be no battles.

Please do not allow the dysfunction you have seen in your work to influence your decision. You and your husband will not be having more children than you can afford, and I assume you are approaching the idea of parenthood in a mature fashion. I would caution you about one thing, however. Having a child because of pressure from your in-laws would be a poor reason to embark upon parenthood.

DEAR ABBY: I'm at a crossroads. I have been married for 15 years and have two children. I love my wife and have been content with this life for a long time. However, for years I have felt like something was missing.

I recently become close friends with a man who is in the same situation. One day he confided that he is gay and has known it for more than 10 years. He told me he, too, had been content with his life but had grown increasingly depressed before we met.

As our friendship has developed I have come to realize that I'm gay as well. It was a struggle to finally admit this to myself, but I accept that it's the truth. My friend and I have been exploring our sexuality together, and he says he is happier than he has been in years.

Both of us love our wives and children; however, we desperately need to fulfill our own needs as well. Do you have any advice on the best way to move forward that will have minimal impact on everyone involved? -- IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION

DEAR IN: You say you have known for years that something was missing. Well, it is possible that your wives have felt the same way, and may have blamed themselves for it. That's why it is important for you and your friend to explain everything to them honestly.

It would be helpful for everyone who will be affected to seek counseling and receive the emotional support they will need through this life-changing transition. You and your lover should go online and find the nearest gay and lesbian community center. (Visit www.lgbtcenters.org for a complete list.) Your wives should contact the Straight Spouse Network, which has been mentioned in my column many times. It can be reached at www.straightspouse.org.