DEAR ABBY: My sister faced various life-threatening illnesses. She always said, "Never put off telling the people you love how you feel about them because you might not have a tomorrow." She practiced what she preached, and we all knew that she loved us. When she passed away eight years ago, it was a painful loss, especially for our mother.

Last week Mom finally succeeded in talking Dad into opening a stuck drawer in a cabinet. Inside she found a letter from my sister that had been put away and forgotten years ago. In the letter my sister wrote how blessed she felt she was to have a mother like ours, how all the sacrifices Mom made for her had been appreciated and how much she loved her.

That long-forgotten letter is now my mother's most prized possession. Please remind your readers not to take tomorrow for granted, and to tell those they love how they feel today. -- JULIE'S SISTER IN LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR SISTER: The loving message your sister wrote has conveyed her feelings from beyond the grave, and it is understandable that it is even more meaningful now than when it was written. I'm glad to remind readers to verbalize their affection for each other. But the written word is something that can be savored over and over.

DEAR ABBY: My brother mocks everything I do, the friends I spend time with and my politics. When we're together, he is often condescending and confrontational. I'm tired of arguing when I go to his home and he asks me what's going on. I have started to answer, "Nothing." So now he tells me how "boring" I am, in addition to his other criticisms.

Abby, his comments are hurtful and I try to stay away from him, but I love my little nieces and want to be around them as they grow up. I don't have problems with anyone but him. Our other brother stopped talking to him years ago, but I don't think I can do anything that extreme.

How can I change the dynamic in our relationship? It doesn't seem to have progressed since we were kids. -- UNDER ATTACK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: The dynamic in your relationship hasn't changed since you were kids because your brother never stopped being a bully. He calls you boring when you don't take the bait because he considers belittling you to be a form of entertainment. You can't change him. If you point out what he's doing, he will deny it and blame you for being "too sensitive."

You can, however, understand his childish motivation. Ignore him as much as possible and focus your attention on your nieces since that's your only reason for going over there anyway.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner for six years. She is 14 years older than I am. We get along great and have a wonderful relationship.

"Marsha" and I live in a small Southern city. She is well-known and politically active. While everyone knows she is gay, they rarely realize I'm her partner because I look much younger. We are often approached with, "Oh, is this your daughter?"

How are we supposed to respond? Marsha and I work in the same place, so it happens there, too. It's awkward. Any ideas? -- AIN'T MY MAMA

DEAR AIN'T: Because Marsha is a public person and it's no secret she's gay, when the two of you are asked if you are mother and daughter, Marsha should reply, "No, she is my partner." (And ask them to spread the word.)

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: I wish each and every one of you a very merry and meaningful Christmas.

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for "Lacking Why," the girl in your Oct. 18 column who is wondering why the amount of allowance money Grandpa gives her and her sisters varies from one girl to the other: Stop comparing the amounts and try focusing on how attentive each of you is to your grandfather.

Do you all visit him with the same frequency? Do you all write thank-you notes for his generosity? Do you all phone him the same number of times each week? Do you all remember his birthday with a nice card or small gift? Do you take turns baking him a birthday cake?

I suspect, as with my grandchildren, there are wide disparities in the way these sisters treat Grandpa. Why would a person who ignores him expect the same generosity as one who showers him with love and affection? I have two grown grandkids who treat me differently and, son of a gun, I respond in kind. -- CONNECTICUT GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: Your explanation is one I received from other readers as well. That letter resonated with a large number of people, and what follows is a sampling of their responses:

DEAR ABBY: Financially speaking, I'll bet there's a good reason for the disparity in the amounts "Lacking" and her sisters receive. If Grandpa intends that each granddaughter receive the same sum of money by age 18, and he started giving the money to each of them at the same time, he would have to give them different amounts. This concept would be hard to explain to a child, which may be why the girls were never sure about the "why." -- NUMBERS GUY IN SAN MATEO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My father did the same thing. Each year I received more money from my dad than my brothers did. Eventually I asked him why, and it turned out he felt that over the years he had helped them more in other ways. They had lived at home longer than I had, and Dad had paid for their educations while I'd had a scholarship.

In his mind, he was trying to even things out. Funny thing was, it didn't matter to me. But I never told my brothers. -- SOLVED THE PUZZLE IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: The mother of those girls should be the one to broach the subject with her father. She can soften the response to her daughters and point out to her father the possible harm he may be causing within the family. But in the end, if Grandpa doesn't budge, they'll all have to learn to live with it. -- KEN IN SARASOTA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend that they first discuss among themselves the differences in their own circumstances and their relationship with their grandparent. It might be that those in need, those who invest wisely or those who respond kindly receive more.

I help my kids and grandkids based on what their needs are and how they spend the money. It is not a matter of favoritism. And being thanked once in a while doesn't hurt, either. -- PATRICIA IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: "Lacking" and her siblings should not approach Grandpa. It could backfire and end the gift-giving forever. Instead, if all the sisters agree they are being unfairly treated, they should consider pooling the gifts together and dividing the total amount equally among themselves. This would be a mature solution that needn't be shared with their grandfather. -- WISE OUT WEST

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in an exclusive, committed relationship with "Vince." We have talked about a future together and getting married. My only issue is I can't seem to keep him off of dating sites. Even when I catch Vince red-handed, he'll deny it or blame it on his friend "using his ID."

I have asked him over and over to delete the sites, but he won't. He continues to tell me he's in love with me and wants only me. He says I'm the woman of his dreams. If that's true, there should be no need for him to look anymore, right?

Please help me understand his obsession, and if there are any tools I can use to be more effective to talk to Vince about this. -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: Your communication tools are just fine. Your ability to recognize when someone is stringing you along is what needs improvement.

You may feel you are in a committed relationship, but Vince appears to be less committed than you are. Worse, he also has a problem telling the truth. If Vince wanted only you and was ready to settle down, he wouldn't compulsively look online to see who else is available.

DEAR ABBY: I'm conflicted about my role in supporting my children through the death of my ex-wife. We divorced 25 years ago. There was no significant other in her life. I would like to support them emotionally, but I feel the burial, funeral, etc., are matters for their family and her relatives.

My question is, am I right? And how soon should I go and be with my children? We have been in close touch, and I believe they know that I care and I'm here for them. They live across the country, so the distance and cost of transportation are concerns. -- CONFLICTED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFLICTED: I'm sure no one expects you to contribute financially to the funeral of someone from whom you have been divorced for a quarter of a century. However, you should ask your adult children if they would like you to attend for emotional support. Because they are all grown and presumably busy with their lives, if your presence isn't needed at the funeral, you could schedule a family reunion at a time when it's convenient for all of you.

DEAR ABBY: What do I do about a friend who often interrupts a conversation to check his phone and look up the topic on the Internet? He then adds to -- or corrects -- the discussion we are having. It's starting to ruin the friendship. Any advice? -- OVERCORRECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERCORRECTED: Whether someone doing this is offensive or not depends upon the spirit in which it's being done. Your friend may not be certain that what he -- or you -- is saying is correct and he wants to verify it. Often when people check information online, they find more information on the subject. Your friend may be doing it in the spirit of helpfulness. My husband and I do this with each other often, and neither of us is offended.