DEAR ABBY: I live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood on a cul-de-sac. There has been an increase in the traffic on my street, and I suspect it's because a neighbor's adult son has been selling drugs. Most of the cars are driven by young people who park for five to 10 minutes at the most, and all of them walk around to the back of the house. Hypodermic needles have been found in the street.

Should I talk to the police and risk alienating my neighbors, or should I keep quiet because I have no definite proof? I don't think the parents would believe me if I told them; they seem to think their child can do no wrong. Also, if I do file a police report and they find out, I'm afraid they will retaliate. Help! -- NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

DEAR NOT SURE: Don't keep quiet. It's important that the police be notified before the problem becomes worse. Call your local anonymous tip line and report where you have seen the suspicious activity and the needles. No personal information from you will be asked, and your privacy will be protected.

DEAR ABBY: I had some time to think over the summer, and came to the realization that a baby my girlfriend had almost 30 years ago may be my daughter. "Sally" and I had a very intense, but short-lived relationship that blew up. About a year later we met again for lunch at the behest of a mutual friend.

I don't remember the details, but I do remember searching for an accurate way to compliment her. Because she had put on weight, the best I could come up with was "you look good." She didn't hit me, but the conversation went downhill from there. Sally mentioned as we were parting that she had given birth to a daughter. I haven't heard from her since.

I don't want to create problems for anybody, but I'm curious. I'm happily married and plan to stay that way. At the same time, I'd welcome having a daughter.

I have thought about sending cheek swabs and a check-off DNA test to the child along with a note suggesting she send our samples in for testing. But that could destroy whatever story she may have grown up with.

I'm at a loss here. I could use some advice from an outside authority. What do you think I should do? -- BLOCKHEAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR B.H.: It's been 30 years. The "child" is a woman now. Before you risk starting WWIII, why not contact the mother and ask if you are her daughter's father, because it's possible that you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have never dated anyone. I have a lot of friends and do well in school and at work, and I try to be a good, kind, friendly person.

What can I do to make myself datable? Am I missing some crucial step in how to become a girlfriend? -- OLD MAID IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR OLD MAID: Because I have never met you in person, I can't tell you what you might be doing that relegates you to the "only as a friend" category. However, some of your guy friends might be able to tell you. And you should also solicit some tips from your girlfriends.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl and a caring person. I'm worried about my mother. She has been an addict for nine years. She always says she wants help, but she never follows through with getting the help she needs. I have asked her many times to go and get help, and have told her how bad her using makes me feel.

What do you think I can do to encourage her to follow through with treatment? I miss my mother. Any advice would be appreciated. -- IN NEED OF HELP IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR IN NEED OF HELP: You are not only a caring young woman, you are also mature for your age and intelligent. If your mother has been an addict since you were 6, your entire childhood has been spent taking care of her and raising yourself. I am truly sorry for that.

Because nothing you say gets through to her, consider moving in with another relative if that's possible. You should also join a Narateen support group. It's a 12-step program for teenage friends and family members of addicts. There is one in your city called "Hope for Today." To find the location, check the Nar-Anon website, www.nar-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a grandmother, a former teacher and I have my master's in child psychology. I was also a school board member. I love children.

Please pass this along to parents and anyone else who cares for children: Quit force-feeding them! Again and again I see parents beg and coerce their kids to eat. There are too many obese people in the world. Kids will eat when they are hungry. Just don't give them any junk in between.

I know a dad who told me he forced his son to finish his food until the son went and threw up. He said he will never do that again. Remember, children have small stomachs. They don't need to eat much to feel full. Restaurants serve too much.

Let kids eat when they need to. Just give them healthy choices. -- DIANE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR DIANE: Unfortunately, babies don't come with written instructions. Many parents "encourage" their children to eat because they're afraid if they don't they're not doing their job. It's a reflection of their anxiety. Too often, mealtime turns into a power struggle, which is a big mistake.

What you have written is common sense. A pediatrician or health clinic can advise parents what and how much their child should eat. And I agree, restaurant portions are usually larger than customers should consume in one meal, which is why those who are watching their calories are advised to cut the portions in half before eating.

DEAR ABBY: I am a grown woman with a wonderful husband, two jobs and five beautiful children. I am a good person. My parents raised me to be respectful and accepting of all kinds of people.

My arms are partially tattooed with beautiful flowers. Family members openly express their dislike of it. They have a right to their thoughts and to say what they please. What can I say back that tells them how rude they are and how they hurt me? -- INKED AND IRKED IN POCATELLO, IDAHO

DEAR INKED AND IRKED: You should say, "When you gave your opinion about my arms, I heard you the first time. For you to keep repeating it is insulting and hurtful, so please cut it out. I think my tattoos are beautiful and that's what's important." And if your family members persist in making cruel comments, you have my permission to end the conversation.

DEAR ABBY: My sister faced various life-threatening illnesses. She always said, "Never put off telling the people you love how you feel about them because you might not have a tomorrow." She practiced what she preached, and we all knew that she loved us. When she passed away eight years ago, it was a painful loss, especially for our mother.

Last week Mom finally succeeded in talking Dad into opening a stuck drawer in a cabinet. Inside she found a letter from my sister that had been put away and forgotten years ago. In the letter my sister wrote how blessed she felt she was to have a mother like ours, how all the sacrifices Mom made for her had been appreciated and how much she loved her.

That long-forgotten letter is now my mother's most prized possession. Please remind your readers not to take tomorrow for granted, and to tell those they love how they feel today. -- JULIE'S SISTER IN LOUISVILLE, KY.

DEAR SISTER: The loving message your sister wrote has conveyed her feelings from beyond the grave, and it is understandable that it is even more meaningful now than when it was written. I'm glad to remind readers to verbalize their affection for each other. But the written word is something that can be savored over and over.

DEAR ABBY: My brother mocks everything I do, the friends I spend time with and my politics. When we're together, he is often condescending and confrontational. I'm tired of arguing when I go to his home and he asks me what's going on. I have started to answer, "Nothing." So now he tells me how "boring" I am, in addition to his other criticisms.

Abby, his comments are hurtful and I try to stay away from him, but I love my little nieces and want to be around them as they grow up. I don't have problems with anyone but him. Our other brother stopped talking to him years ago, but I don't think I can do anything that extreme.

How can I change the dynamic in our relationship? It doesn't seem to have progressed since we were kids. -- UNDER ATTACK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNDER ATTACK: The dynamic in your relationship hasn't changed since you were kids because your brother never stopped being a bully. He calls you boring when you don't take the bait because he considers belittling you to be a form of entertainment. You can't change him. If you point out what he's doing, he will deny it and blame you for being "too sensitive."

You can, however, understand his childish motivation. Ignore him as much as possible and focus your attention on your nieces since that's your only reason for going over there anyway.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner for six years. She is 14 years older than I am. We get along great and have a wonderful relationship.

"Marsha" and I live in a small Southern city. She is well-known and politically active. While everyone knows she is gay, they rarely realize I'm her partner because I look much younger. We are often approached with, "Oh, is this your daughter?"

How are we supposed to respond? Marsha and I work in the same place, so it happens there, too. It's awkward. Any ideas? -- AIN'T MY MAMA

DEAR AIN'T: Because Marsha is a public person and it's no secret she's gay, when the two of you are asked if you are mother and daughter, Marsha should reply, "No, she is my partner." (And ask them to spread the word.)

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: I wish each and every one of you a very merry and meaningful Christmas.