DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in 26 days and my dad just told me he is not going to get me a birthday present. And I really want an iPod Touch for school. I'm in the fifth grade and everyone in my class has an iPod Touch, iPad or iPhone. EXCEPT ME!

My mom said she would get me a present, but it will be something small. And unless I can keep my room clean, I won't have a birthday! I'm turning double digits (10)! Please help! -- DESPERATE GIRL IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try, but it may not be the help you're hoping for.

Talk to your parents and ask why they are against you having an iPod Touch. Not all kids your age have parents who can afford them, and that might be the reason. Show them you are mature by keeping your room clean and doing whatever other chores are assigned to you. If you get an allowance, start saving up and ask them if they would "partner" with you in getting an iPod Touch in the future, after you have saved a certain amount. It's worth a try, and it just might work.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son is in recovery from substance abuse. He has also dealt with depression over the years. He has informed his therapist, his father and me that his older sisters had sex with him when he was a young child. It was one of the explanations he gave for his depression and substance abuse.

I have wanted to talk to his counselor about the situation so that as a family we can talk to his sisters. We could perhaps find out whether what he's referring to is normal experimentation or something more. We would also be able to ask his sisters if they were abused and acting out as a result of it. It seems incredible that as parents we were oblivious because we thought we were aware of and vigilant about threats to our children.

Now our son does not want to discuss this and refuses to see his counselor. We're afraid pushing him will trigger a relapse on his part, but we are also concerned about whether there might be an issue with his sisters that should be addressed. Should we tell him we're going to raise it with his sisters? Or should we wait until he's ready? -- WANTS TO DO WHAT'S BEST

DEAR WANTS: This news has to have been shocking to you and your husband as parents, but it isn't time yet for a family discussion because your son may be too fragile. Also, I think professional ethics prevent your son's therapist from discussing this with you. Issues like this can be complicated, and the facts may never be known.

What is most important now is for you to show your son that you love him and care about his emotional health, and while you respect his privacy, it is vital that he help himself move forward. The past cannot be changed, but it is important for his future that he find a professional with whom he can talk, if the therapist he has been seeing isn't helping him. Table any family discussion about this until your son is stronger.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently passed away, and among his papers I discovered evidence of another previous marriage. It came as a shock because he had never told me.

Should I ask his family how long this previous marriage lasted, or should I let it go and be grateful for the good and loving husband he was during our 27 years together? He was a widower with no kids and I was a widow when we met. What do you think? -- NUMBER THREE IN ARIZONA

DEAR NUMBER THREE: Your husband may have been divorced from wife No. 1, or the marriage could have been annulled and he didn't think it "counted." While I agree that you should be grateful for the 27 happy years you spent together, I can't ignore the fact that such an important piece of information was withheld from you. If you have questions and think the family can answer them, you are entitled to know.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is difficult, and our relationship has been extremely rocky over the years. She insists upon doling out unsolicited advice and asking pointed personal questions about my finances, health, sex life, etc. I have told her more than once that these things are none of her business unless I choose to discuss them. Her response is she's "only trying to help."

Our mother died six months ago and my sister is again making overtures. I'm hesitant about speaking with her again because she's so volatile. I'll do it only if she respects my boundaries.

I am searching for the right words to tell her a relationship will work only if both parties respect each other, and that trust has to be earned. I'd appreciate any suggestions. -- GUARDED SIBLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GUARDED SIBLING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. I am unclear as to why you would want to accept the overtures from someone with whom you have such a difficult relationship. However, because you feel that it would be possible under your terms, my advice is to write her a letter and tell her you will be willing to try only under the circumstances you described to me. To do so would not be rude, and it will be interesting to see if she is able to comply.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married next year and want to make sure I send written thank-you notes to everyone. I have been a diligent thank-you note writer for years.

Can you tell me what's the best way to get everyone's address? I have had problems with this in the past. I hate having to call and ask because the people always want to know why I want the information. Would it be OK to have as part of the wedding website a place where guests who attend can confirm their mailing address? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: How do you plan to invite your guests to the wedding? Most brides send their invitations via U.S. mail, which requires the person's name, address and ZIP code on the envelope.

However, if you plan to issue your invitations online, then I see no reason you can't ask your guests to confirm their information on your wedding site. It wouldn't be a breach of etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: I always thought that "Lana," my wife of 14 years, and I had the perfect marriage. When I discovered she was having an affair, it hit me like a train wreck. After many weeks of trying to discover who she really is, I found out she has had several affairs throughout our marriage.

I still love my wife and feel I could forgive her and regain my trust in her. The problem is, she says she is trying to recover from her actions, so she can no longer hear about my problems or respond to any of my questions.

Lana is now saying I need to see someone to discuss our issues with. We are already seeing a marriage counselor, but I suspect he is too connected to us as a couple. What do you think? -- LOST IN LIMBO

DEAR IN LIMBO: I think the marriage counselor should have made clear to you and your wife that in order for trust to be rebuilt it takes lots of dialogue and listening on the part of both spouses. And painful as it may be for Lana, she owes you the answers to your questions.

That said, I think she is correct in suggesting you talk to someone individually. With the help of a licensed psychotherapist -- someone who is there just for you -- you may be able to rationally decide whether your wife is capable of being the person you assumed she was, and if staying married to her is the best thing for you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother died a few years ago after a prolonged illness. My father has found a new lady ("Colette") to share his life, and they are now engaged.

My problem is my sisters. We are all adults with families of our own. They don't like Colette at all. They are rude to her and behave like spoiled children. Colette is very different from Mom, but our family has always been open-minded and taken pride in our conviction that "normal" is just a setting on the dryer.

Colette isn't after Dad's money, nor is she forcing her way into our lives. She's also not trying to replace Mom. It appears she genuinely cares for our dad, which I can understand. He's a good man, smart, attractive and fun to be with.

Dad is happy as a clam. He's enjoying life and has lots more life to live. The only thing that mars his happiness is my sisters' attitudes. What can I do to help them? I don't want to be too harsh because I know they are still grieving, but I hate to see them drive a wedge into what remains of our family. -- JOY IN TEXAS

DEAR JOY: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Perhaps you should remind your sisters how grateful they should be that your father has been able to find happiness after losing your mother. Not all widowers are able to do that. Stress that his desire to remarry is a tribute to the relationship he had with your mother, because men who had unfulfilling marriages usually don't want to commit again.

Point out that they have nothing to gain by alienating Colette and a lot to lose, because the more they treat her with disrespect, the farther away they will drive her -- and your dad. Then suggest that if they can't resolve their grief, they join a support group or consult a therapist for help.