DEAR ABBY: For those who are looking for gift suggestions for older parents, may I offer what my kids do for us? They live far away and usually visit us in the spring and fall.

Before they leave, my daughter scrubs my bathroom shower and the rest of the room, cleans my refrigerator, oven, kitchen cabinets, my carpets -- things that are difficult for me to do. While she's inside doing that, my son-in-law is outside trimming trees and bushes, doing general yard cleanup in the spring and raking leaves and disposing of them in the fall.

In addition, during the months before their visit, my daughter is setting aside and freezing small portions of entrees so we will have future dinners from her meals. She also freezes an assortment of different soups in zip-lock bags, laid flat so they will fit well in my freezer. While they're here, they cook all the meals and do the cleanup. What a wonderful gift!

Even if some families don't cook, they could make up small meals with deli purchases and freeze them for their parents. Nothing could be appreciated more. Instead of buying a useless gift because "We didn't know what to get you -- you said you didn't want anything," these are gifts that keep on giving! -- TRULY BLESSED IN MONTANA

DEAR TRULY BLESSED: I agree. And you are fortunate to have such caring family members. Please allow me to offer some additional gift suggestions for seniors:

Many individuals on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies such as small cans of tuna, salmon or soup. Include with them crackers, assorted flavors of instant coffee, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.

Gift certificates also make welcome gifts: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets and department stores. And don't forget prepaid calling cards.

Create homemade coupons that can be redeemed for chores such as window washing, painting, replacing air conditioning filters and light bulbs, moving heavy furniture for spring and fall cleaning, and transportation for shopping, doctor's visits, etc.

Because not all seniors drive, bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis can also give the recipient the gift of freedom.

Sweat pants, athletic socks and walking shoes may motivate the sedentary to become more active -- which improves circulation and cognition for people of every age.

Stationery, stamps and some felt-tipped pens make handy gifts that can be used throughout the year. And so do large-print address books with the information already transferred from the recipients' records.

And please, don't forget that the holiday season can be a depressing time for people who are alone. I am often asked for gift ideas for the person "who already has everything." My answer: The greatest gift a person can give is the gift of yourself. If you know someone who could use an outing, offer the most meaningful gift of all -- an invitation to share a meal with you or your family.

DEAR ABBY: I am a former drama queen and addict now enjoying long-term sobriety, or trying to. What's missing in my life is my family. Since returning from rehab, I have been "going it alone" -- and I'm not sure why.

My kids are the only grandchildren in the family. I work and go to school. I am pleasant. There have been some rough spots I have had to deal with, and when I have needed to, I have called my mom or sister, but they don't call me or visit. They have expressed no love for me through all of this. When I call, I feel like I'm intruding.

Aren't I entitled to their love and caring? I feel abandoned. It's hard doing things on my own. My family lives close by, so distance isn't the issue. What am I missing?

I want my kids and me to have a family, but when I try to reach out, I end up hurt by their lack of interest. Should I just get on with my life? I have been going through this for years. -- MOVING ON IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOVING ON: It's possible that the "drama" and turmoil you put your family through while in the throes of your addiction is the reason your mother and sister avoid you. They may be reluctant to take a chance again.

Because they have made it plain that they aren't interested in a closer relationship with you and your children, you should absolutely get on with your life. Sobriety isn't easy to attain, and you have every right to enjoy yours to the fullest.

It would be healthier for you to stop courting rejection and "create" a caring family for yourself and your children. Many people do this for a variety of reasons. It's not unusual for people in recovery to socialize with others like themselves. Start there, because it would be better for all of you to spend your time with people who welcome and appreciate you.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Bryan," is a mama's boy. There's nothing wrong with loving your parents and being close to them, but his family takes it to the extreme. Bryan must see them multiple times a week, call and text them all the time, and they still don't get enough. Then they usually call wanting something or needing our help.

Bryan and I have worked hard to get where we are, and we can't always be at their beck and call. His sister says I have "changed him" because he doesn't come around as often anymore.

I'm 21 and Bryan is 24. I don't think he realizes that growing up means leaving the nest and detaching from the family a bit. I understand closeness, but if I'm going to be his wife, I'm scared I won't come first. What happens if we have a child who needs him, but Bryan has to bail his mama out of something? -- GETTING WORRIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING WORRIED: Do not wait until you have a child to find out that the two of you will never agree on this. Find out now. Sometimes the most important conversations are the most difficult to engage in. You and Bryan need to have a serious talk about how you feel about his relationship with his parents and sister, because unless you come to a mutual understanding, it will become a source of constant irritation after you two are married, and you will both be unhappy.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has this odd habit that my younger sister, "Sara," and I don't agree with. It's only the three of us in our house, and Sara and I are in high school and college.

Our mother forces one of us to sleep with her in her room every night. Sara sleeps in Mom's room more often than I do, and rarely gets a chance to sleep in her own bed. On the few occasions when Sara is sick, I sleep with Mom. But if we're both sick, she picks one of us anyway.

Abby, this has persisted for years. I have tried many times to convince my mother to let us sleep in our own rooms, but she ignores me or accuses me of "not loving her enough." She says the same things to Sara.

I'm worried about my mother. I feel as though she's depressed or worried about being abandoned. At the same time, I don't want us sleeping in Mom's bed forever. We have our own lives and rooms. What would be the best thing to do in this situation? -- SLEEPOVER IN MARYLAND

DEAR SLEEPOVER: Your mother is an adult who should long ago have learned to sleep alone. She should not be trying to "guilt" you and your sister into sleeping with her by accusing you of not loving her enough if you don't spend the night in her bed. The two of you should ask her together why she's doing this.

You young ladies are old enough to simply refuse if you would rather sleep in your own rooms. But breaking this habit may not be easy for your mother, so if she says she can't sleep without one of you with her, volunteer to stay with her until she falls asleep and then go to your rooms.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced after a 38-year marriage. The divorce was the result of an affair my husband had. Needless to say, it was -- and still is -- very painful. The betrayal almost killed me.

I have been seeing a therapist who has helped me immensely, but I wonder if I will ever fully recover from the hurt. My ex has started a new life with this woman, who is almost 30 years younger than we are, and he acts like, "Oh well, it's over." Even though I have moved on, starting a new life at 60 wasn't easy.

Is it unreasonable to still have lingering pain and anger as a result of the lies and deceit I experienced from a man I loved and trusted? I can't seem to pretend that nothing happened. -- STILL HURTING

DEAR STILL HURTING: I think your feelings are normal. Something did happen to you, and it was cataclysmic. The question is, to what degree are you willing to allow this to rule your life?

You shouldn't pretend that nothing happened, but it's important that when your thoughts drift backward that you make a conscious effort to steer them back to the present. Devote the same energy that you spend nursing hurt and anger to focusing on the future and what makes you happy. Will yourself to stay in the present and keep moving forward.

This takes focus, practice and determination, but it can be done. And continue to maintain a relationship with your therapist, because if you do, it will provide a much-needed "reality check" when you need one.

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