Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my amazing husband for two years. He has worked his butt off to put me through school, and I am appreciative and thankful.

He has recently been offered a promotion, which means we will have to move from the South to the Midwest. Though I'm not a fan of the idea, I agreed it would be best for us. I grew up in the North, and took the chance to move down south at 18 because I was miserable there. I hate the possibility that I'll be miserable again, and I'm afraid I may end up resenting my husband.

If he passes up this opportunity, he may not get another. How can I curb my resentment for having to move to another state I'm pretty sure I won't be happy in? -- FLORIDA GIRL, FOR NOW

DEAR FLORIDA GIRL: One way would be to recognize that you are no longer the miserable 18-year-old girl you were when you moved down south. You have matured, you have a successful marriage and you won't be returning alone. Once you relocate, involve yourself in the community so you can make new friends. And last (but not least), because people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be, decide to make the best of this opportunity and ALLOW yourself to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my best friend to AIDS in '95, my father to cancer in '06 and my husband/lifetime partner to a heart attack in '07. My greatest support, John, moved away the following year. A father, friend and partner -- too many losses. John filled the holes in my heart, but he's also gone now, from leukemia.

I mourn my losses, but cherish the love I have been given. Please remind your readers to appreciate whom and what they have. Don't wait for a "special" day. Call the people you love today and tell them how much they mean to you. I'm calling my mother now. -- MIKE IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR MIKE: I'm sorry for the losses of your father, your best friend, your partner and John. I'm passing your message along because I, too, believe the time to hand roses to those we care about is when they are still able to smell them.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I finished knitting a baby blanket for a good friend. Shortly afterward, she miscarried. I hadn't yet given her the blanket, and now I'm not sure what to do with it.

It seems heartless to send it to her now, but after putting so much time and love into it, throwing it away or re-gifting it seems like a terrible option. How can I put this item to good use and cause as little pain as possible? -- ANXIOUS KNITTER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANXIOUS: It would not be "re-gifting" to give the blanket to someone, since you never gave it in the first place. As I see it, you have a couple of options. You could hold onto it in case your friend becomes pregnant again. Or how about donating it to a worthy cause, such as a domestic violence shelter or Project Linus (projectlinus.org), which provides blankets to children in need? I'm sure if you do, it would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My heart breaks when jokes are made about older children, especially sons, who still live at home. My son "Nick" has his own area of the house and cares for himself. His rent helps us greatly. My parents also live in another part of the house, and he helps with their needs sometimes.

Why does everyone make fun of these people without knowing the situation? Nick has a college degree and a good job, but the wages aren't what they were in relation to the cost of living. We both work full time, and so I rarely see him. He also travels for his job and can be gone for two weeks at a time. He used to own a home, but sold it to move out of state for work. When he came back, we set up this arrangement to benefit all of us.

People need to look at the whole picture before making a judgment. Abby, do you think this is an unacceptable arrangement? -- FAMILY EXTENDED IN KANSAS

DEAR FAMILY EXTENDED: Unacceptable? Not at all, if it's working for you and your family. In recent years it's become more common for adult children to live with their parents. People shouldn't rush to judgment if they don't have all of the facts.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has an extensive list of health issues, both mental and physical. His family has a history of cancer. Last week, we were given the news that he may have pancreatic cancer. He watched his brother die from the same disease, so we know that if he is diagnosed, he may not survive long. The doctors weren't able to make a definitive diagnosis, so there will be more testing. I love my husband with all my heart and have stood by him through everything.

My dilemma: After we got the news, I started thinking about what may happen to me after he dies. I thought about getting him more life insurance, selling the house, what to do with his belongings -- even where I would bury him. Am I a terrible person? I feel guilty for doing it and would appreciate your opinion. -- FILLED WITH ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS

DEAR FILLED: Please stop beating yourself up. I can't think of a single reason why you should feel guilty for thinking rationally.

You and your husband are going through a traumatic health crisis right now. I hope his diagnosis of a terminal illness is premature and that you will enjoy many more happy years together. However, whatever lies ahead, the two of you are overdue for a conversation about what both of you would like to happen -- including a review of each other's health care powers of attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a student in eighth grade. In September we had a shooting at the high school in my district. Honestly, I have no clue what to think.

My dad always said that being in South Dakota, we are safer from the craziness that happens in more populated areas. We have little to no bad/dangerous kids in our district, so I still can't wrap my mind around it. It feels surreal.

I'll be in high school next year, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with the idea that it could happen again. -- SCARED IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SCARED: The student who acted out so violently may have suffered from a severe mental illness that wasn't properly treated, or may have been angry because he was bullied, excluded or felt discriminated against. While no one is 100 percent safe from violence these days, the chances of it happening to you are less if you treat others with the same respect and kindness with which you would like to be treated. If these concerns are preoccupying you, it's important that you continue to discuss them with your parents so they can give you the assurance you need.

DEAR ABBY: I made a big mistake three years ago. When I found out my husband was cheating on me, I became vengeful and sought revenge. I ended up sleeping with my sister-in-law's boyfriend to get back at my husband and at her for some things she did in the past. It took my pain away -- for a bit.

Abby, I am not this kind of person. I'm not an evil, conniving tramp. I regret what I did every day, and I feel like garbage.

My sister-in-law and I haven't spoken since I decided to tell her the truth. My husband and I (miraculously) were able to work through our problems, and our relationship is stronger than ever. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend have remained together, and I don't speak to him anymore either.

What can I do to earn forgiveness? Is this even forgivable? How can I mend this family I helped tear apart? -- ONLY HUMAN IN HOUSTON

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: You might start by apologizing to your sister-in-law for the pain you caused her. But after that, the decision about whether she can forgive you or wants anything more to do with you will be up to her.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, "Becca," just turned 6. One of her favorite things to do is role-play, which includes the prince (me) kissing her, sometimes at the end of a wedding ceremony. Becca also likes to sit on my lap.

My wife thinks I shouldn't allow her to sit there and that the interaction isn't appropriate. She says I may be mistaken for some kind of predator. It hurts me and Becca when I tell her we must find some other playtime scenario. I think it's harmless.

Who's right here? My wife or me? Is there an age a granddaughter reaches when this kind of interaction becomes taboo? What about giving her a goodbye kiss when she departs? -- BAFFLED GRANDPA IN EL PASO

DEAR BAFFLED: Do Becca's parents agree with your wife? I would be more concerned with whether they consider your playing Prince Charming to be inappropriate. At 6, I see no harm in it. When Becca is 8 or 9, your wife may have a point. Of course, by then she may prefer to be Supergirl rather than a princess, and have other objectives than being a bride.

As to kissing your granddaughter hello or goodbye, that's perfectly appropriate regardless of her age. And when you do, I seriously doubt anyone will mistake you for a predator.

DEAR ABBY: I married the woman of my dreams two months ago. I asked my father to be my best man and he accepted, but he didn't fulfill his duties. There was no bachelor party, no best man speech, and he and my mother left the reception after only an hour. I was hurt and disappointed.

I have avoided talking to him since. Should I tell him how much he hurt me, or just try to forgive and forget? -- LET-DOWN GROOM IN MACON, GA.

DEAR GROOM: I vote for doing both, if you can. When your father accepted the invitation, he may not have understood that being your best man would involve more than standing beside you at the altar. Why he and your mother would leave the reception early is puzzling, but it may have meant that for some reason they felt uncomfortable there. You need to explore that.