Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am an administrative assistant. Part of my job is to make the arrangements for our department Christmas party. Every year we go out in a group of about 15 people. I no longer wish to attend these events. Group settings make me nervous. In addition, we all have to buy gender-neutral gifts to exchange.

I have tried to talk with my boss about it, but he doesn't seem to understand. We have bi-monthly staff meetings, and after everyone is done with business, we always have discussion time for things other than work. Most of us have lunch together every day and talk then. We also have group birthday celebrations four times a year.

I get a sick feeling every time I think about going to this party, and then the headache of trying to choose a gift that won't be made fun of. (I am not good at it.) Last year I called in sick so I wouldn't have to attend. I have tried taking a personal day off, but then my boss gets mad at me. Should I be forced to go to this? -- NOT A GIFT PICKER IN ST. PAUL

DEAR NOT A GIFT PICKER: No, you shouldn't. Because you find these functions to be onerous, consider putting in a short appearance at the Christmas party and then "rushing off" because you have a "schedule conflict." As to your gift selection problem, at this time of year most people are inundated with catalogs with all sorts of offerings. Open a few, select any item in your price range and order it. Or consider a gift card. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK to hang up the phone on someone who's making you angry on a personal call? I'm referring to adult conversations, not children calling each other.

For instance, when I'm talking to my husband, my mother or a friend and the conversation has deteriorated to an argument or become unbearable and insufferable, can I just hang up the phone? Or must I first blurt out, "I'm hanging up the phone now"?

Are there rules for hanging up the phone angry? Do manners require that phone calls must end by mutual agreement? Please, Abby, give us your permission to "cut off the crazies." -- SICK OF IT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SICK OF IT: I do not think it is constructive to slam the phone down. If a caller becomes abusive, you could say, "I can't listen to this," or, "We'll talk later when you're not upset," before putting the phone down. However, if these ugly conversations happen often, you might be wise to consider screening your calls before answering.

DEAR ABBY: After reading about the woman who accidentally passed gas in the office after eating "beans, the musical fruit," I have to share the following:

An elderly married couple were attending church one Sunday when halfway through the sermon the wife turned to her husband and whispered, "I just let out a long, silent toot! What should I do?" The husband replied, "Replace the battery in your hearing aid!" -- ONLINE READER IN TEXAS

DEAR ONLINE READER: Versions of that joke have been around since Cary Grant told it to my mother -- but it's still funny. Thanks for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl and I have a boy best friend who is also 14. I liked him the moment I met him, which was exactly a year ago. He says it's the same for him.

We established that we both liked each other months ago, but we're still only friends. The reason is his parents have a rule that he can't have a girlfriend or go on dates until he's 16. He's the only one I want, but we have to wait until he can ask me out.

For now we are best friends, but it's hard not to want to hold his hand and kiss him and stuff like that. He doesn't like his parents' rule just as much as I don't, and he totally doesn't want to wait, but he will. It's also very hard to not tell him how much my feelings have grown, because I'm afraid he will react strangely if I tell him I think I might love him. What should I do? -- TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TEEN: If your intuition is telling you not to be the first to say, "I love you," then listen to it and you may be pleasantly surprised one day to hear him say it to you first. As to the fact that his parents are strict, you really don't have much choice other than to respect their rules.

That said, younger teens aren't usually restricted from having any social contact at all. Before they start dating one-on-one, they usually get together in groups for movies, sporting events, school dances, etc. This should give the two of you opportunities to see each other outside of school. While this may not be the answer you're looking for, for the time being, it may be an acceptable compromise.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the retail industry at a high-end furniture store. We specialize in custom furniture from top manufacturers. We have been in business for many years and have many repeat customers.

My question is about customer service. Our hours of operation are normal, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. But we often have customers who arrive at 5:45 p.m. or later to see sales associates and order their furniture. Because our furniture is custom, the process can take up to an hour. Some associates have stayed as late as 8 p.m. to work with a customer who walks in without an appointment.

When is it appropriate to let the customer know we are closing and they should come back at another time for their consultation? We try to work with everyone, but in my opinion, it's rude to assume we are obligated to stay and cater to them when it is our time to go home to our families. -- WAITING TILL THE LAST MINUTE

DEAR WAITING: You're not wrong. I agree it's rude to assume that people will stay hours after closing time, but if there are no hard and fast rules in your store, sales personnel may be stuck. It's one thing if the sale is being finished, but to start the process just before closing time is an imposition. Some stores stop processing orders before the official closing time, which nips the problem in the bud.

As to whether you are "obligated" to accommodate high-end customers, this is something you should discuss with your employer. Some businesses are willing to cater to buyers of high-end merchandise, and yours may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married three years. It has been rocky since year two. She's a great mother to our kids, especially the one who is medically challenged. We have broken up twice so far, and are now back together. However, because of my job, we live in different states.

Bottom line: I'm no longer sure this is the right relationship for me. She goes to school full time while I work a ton of overtime to support two households. We hardly see or spend time with each other. She has said she would rather me work and not see me so that everything gets paid. I feel she's more about the money than the marriage. What do you think? -- UNHAPPILY MARRIED IN BALTIMORE

DEAR UNHAPPILY: You and your wife both appear to be carrying a heavy load. For the sake of your children, it would be nice if your marriage could be resuscitated. However, not every marriage can be -- and the arrangement you have now is clearly not working for you.

If your wife actually feels that she would rather not see you so that everything gets paid, then I think she has made her feelings clear. The marriage no longer exists; it's a financial arrangement. For that, you both have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: Why does it feel awkward for me to call my husband by his first name? When I say his name from another room to get his attention, it only feels natural for me to call him "Babe."

When I'm talking about him to someone else, I use his name, but it still makes me cringe. It's a perfectly normal, common name, so I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable. And this doesn't just apply to my husband. Before him, I was in a six-year relationship with my high school sweetheart and had the same problem.

Why can I only call my significant others "Babe" when talking to them? -- HUBBY'S NAME IS ________

DEAR HUBBY'S NAME: When couples become intimately involved, it is common for them to use pet names with each other. That you call your husband and your former boyfriend by the SAME name is interesting. Could it be that subconsciously you are/were afraid that if you don't use the same pet name, you will absentmindedly use the wrong one?

DEAR ABBY: My cousin and I have season tickets for the Broadway series at our local theater. Our problem is two women who sit next to us in the box. After intermission, when the second act starts, they talk loudly to each other as long as 10 minutes into the show. I want to say something, but I don't want to cause any negativity or bad feelings because we will see them at each show. How should I deal with it? -- AUDIENCE MEMBER

DEAR MEMBER: Here's how: When the women continue their conversation after the curtain rises, you say to the one nearest you, "Please be quiet. We can't hear the performance." That's not rude; it's being assertive. If they persist after that, complain to the management and ask that, if possible, in the future you be seated apart from the magpies.