DEAR ABBY: I have just separated from my wife. I don't plan on dating anytime soon, but I will eventually.

I have a disease that caused my immune system to destroy my liver cells. There is no way to predict whether my liver will fail in five days or five years. Would it be wrong to date knowing I have this disease? There is no cure, just a liver transplant if my liver fails completely.

Also, if it's OK to date, when should I tell someone about my illness? I have no friends because at some point they will see me jaundiced and sick, and I would have to burden them with my health issues or lie. -- NEWLY SEPARATED IN MONTANA

DEAR NEWLY SEPARATED: You are allowing your illness to rule your life, and that's not a prescription that's healthy for anyone. Many people suffer from health problems, but they don't cut themselves off from relationships as you have.

Yes, you can date. If it looks like there could be a future, you should bring up the subject of your health at that time. But in the meantime, my advice is to make every effort to enjoy the time you have.

DEAR ABBY: In my mother's opinion, I have a problem. I have prominent nipples that show through shirts. I wear a padded bra, but it doesn't help. I don't want to wear a heavier padded bra because I am big-busted already.

Honestly, the situation doesn't bother me. It's part of being me and no different than having a unibrow or ears that stick out. It's not sexual. Should I worry about what others think about this? -- MY EYES ARE UP HERE!

DEAR UP HERE: No. As you are probably already aware, anyone's nipples can become rigid if there's a change in the temperature. It doesn't necessarily signal arousal. If you are comfortable, then keep dressing the way you do. This appears to be your mother's problem. Do not let her anxiety rub off on you.

DEAR ABBY: As an older male retiree, I frequently encounter people at social gatherings who tilt their heads back, narrow their eyes and ask, "Exactly what was it that you did at XYZ Corporation?" When they find out I was what they consider to be "just a paper-pusher," they abruptly turn their backs and walk away. Can you suggest an appropriate response to this form of snobbery? -- PAPER-PUSHER IN ARIZONA

DEAR PAPER-PUSHER: When someone asks that question, you might smile and respond, "You know, I'm having such a great time in retirement, I can't really recall what I did there!" Or, if you're feeling mischievous, you could call out after the person, "Just kidding! I was the CEO." And if the person turns to come back, turn YOUR back and walk away because, if your perception is correct, you have been conversing with someone who has terrible manners and no class.

DEAR ABBY: Why is there so much angst today over raising children, especially in young mothers? I don't remember my mother or my friends' mothers being so concerned about whether or not they were doing a good job, and I certainly didn't gather with my daughters' friends' moms to bemoan whether I was a bad mother.

Now there are all these blogs and workshops, etc. on how to be the "best" mom, and all these lifestyle gurus who constantly tell them not to worry, they're doing a great job. It just seems like a bunch of nonsense to me.

I think it's because a generation or so back, moms began to elevate their children to top priority in the family over their husbands. What's your take? -- PUZZLED GRANDMA IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PUZZLED: The world is different today. Many women feel torn because they want or need to work, while at the same time feel pressured to help their children succeed in an increasingly competitive world. (Is the child academically prepared for kindergarten? Is the child able to work cooperatively with others? Is the school highly rated enough? What and how many extracurricular activities will boost their child's chances of excelling?)

While it may seem like nonsense to you, I assure you it does not seem like nonsense to them. Women of your generation didn't second-guess themselves because parenting a generation ago was simpler. If children seem to be the No. 1 priority these days it may be because both parents feel driven to succeed and are determined that their children will, too.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 11 years. We are financially and emotionally stable. We recently became friendly with another couple who are newly married and not as financially secure as we are. They spend frivolously.

When we go on vacation, they invite themselves along and assume they are staying in our travel trailer without asking (they have their own trailer they could bring). They don't offer to help pay for gas. The last trip we took, the wife cooked only one meal, while I prepared the rest for a three-day trip. This upcoming trip, they haven't offered to bring anything.

We don't mind sharing what we have and helping our friends out, but what we are starting to resent is the assumption that because we make more money, we'll pick up the tab for everything. Are we wrong to feel this way? My husband and I both see this the same way. -- STARTING TO RESENT THEM

DEAR STARTING TO RESENT THEM: It's not wrong to not want to be taken advantage of. This wouldn't be happening if you had established some rules in the beginning, but it isn't too late to do it now.

Call the wife. Tell her what you expect her and her husband to bring on the next trip, and what chores they will be expected to perform. It isn't fair that you are doing all the work and paying for everything while they are on your vacation.

They should provide -- or pay for -- half the groceries, half the gas, and share any housekeeping responsibilities. Ditto if you go to a restaurant. And the next time they tell you they are coming with you on your vacation, don't hesitate or feel guilty when you reply, "We'd like some privacy this time, so it will just be the two of us."

DEAR ABBY: A foreign friend used the "n" word while commenting about an employee at a hotel we were staying in. After he said it a second time, I slapped him and told him that word was never acceptable, regardless of the reason.

I feel bad about hitting him, but entirely justified in motive and intent. I really can't think of another, more effective way of registering how offended I am in a situation like this. Should I apologize? Should it be a qualified apology?

I tried to explain the complex racial history of the U.S. and why the word was so hurtful, but he seemed disinclined to understand. What is the right way to react in such a situation? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You should not have let the first remark go without speaking up. The right way to respond to the person's racist comment would have been to say that it offended you and you would prefer not to hear that kind of language from him again. Physical violence is not the correct way to get a point across.

If you must associate with this person, apologize for flying off the handle. Otherwise, avoid him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with two men. My husband, "Victor," and I have been together for nine years and were married last year. The other man in my life, "Wade," was my boss, and we've been seeing each other for two years.

They are polar opposites and make me happy in different ways. I was engaged and planning my wedding when Wade and I started our relationship. I chose to marry Victor for emotional stability and because we had built a life together. I can't imagine a life without him. At the same time, I can't imagine not being with Wade.

If I stop seeing Wade, I know I won't be happy and he'll always be on my mind. I will always wonder about what could have been. If I divorce my husband, I'll break his heart, and it won't be easy.

Last week Wade demanded that I decide between him and my husband. He wants an exclusive relationship with me. I'm in a panic because I can't decide, but I know I will lose Wade if I don't do it soon. I need advice because I don't know which way to go. -- STUCK AT A CROSSROADS IN FLORIDA

DEAR STUCK: You chose to marry Victor because you wanted emotional stability, and you had built a life together. Obviously, that isn't enough for you, or you wouldn't be cheating with Wade. If what you really want is a marriage filled with passion, tumult and the possibility of infidelity, by all means choose your former boss. That way, you won't be bored, and Victor will then be free to find a loving, faithful wife who appreciates what he has to offer.