DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends just got engaged and I'm invited to the wedding. My problem is, my ex-best friend is in the bridal party, and I don't know how to act if I see her and have to talk to her. She terminated our friendship without giving me a reason. Not only that, she has been spreading lies about me to mutual friends, some of whom now refuse to talk to me.

I have no idea what I did or didn't do. No one knows why she is spreading rumors, and I don't want there to be drama at my friend's wedding and bachelorette party. What can I do? -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: If your former best friend is unwilling to explain why she ended the friendship and has been spreading false rumors, you can't force her. Obviously, her malicious lies haven't had any effect on the bride.

Go to the party and the wedding, mingle with those who haven't chosen sides, be gracious and steer clear of the nasty bridesmaid, if you can. That way, if there is any drama at either function, you won't be the person who created it, and the person who will look bad will be the troublemaker.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please explain why so many people blow their noses at the supper table? You would think older folks would know better, but it seems like they are the worst offenders. I see a lot of this in restaurants or the cafeteria. I not only consider it rude but also gross.

Why can't people excuse themselves from the table and leave the room to do it? I generally go to the ladies room or, if I'm home, go into another room. My mother and brother do this -- and it's disgusting! What is your view on this? Maybe you could teach some of these folks some manners. -- GROSSED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Please don't think you are alone with your frustration because I'm asked this question a lot. I agree that listening to someone honk like a migrating goose is unpleasant. That's why the rule of etiquette states that those who need to clear their heads excuse themselves from the table. If someone must perform this function at the table, it should be limited to tiny dabs with a tissue to prevent a drip.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mom of two sons, ages 13 and 14. When I took them for their annual physical last summer, their pediatrician said this would be the last year I would be in the room while he examined my sons.

I don't understand why I should have to leave if my children are OK with my being there. My sons are comfortable with me, and I am an only parent. It seems to me that more and more rights are being taken away from parents. Am I out of line for feeling this way? -- EXAM ROOM OFF-LIMITS

DEAR OFF-LIMITS: Yes, if you trust your sons' doctor, which I hope you do. By ages 13 and 14, your sons are maturing into manhood. As their hormones and bodies change, they may have questions and concerns they would be more comfortable -- and less embarrassed -- talking to a male doctor about than their mother. Privacy in the examination room would give them the chance to do that.

DEAR ABBY: On July 13, you responded to someone asking whether friends should tell friends anonymously that their spouse is cheating. You advised that if someone is not willing to include their name, they should mind their own business.

One of my dear friends from church didn't get a letter or a phone call during her marriage to her husband, who cheated on her constantly. What she did get was HIV-positive status, later full-blown AIDS and then death. Her husband was positive when she became pregnant, and her son was also born positive.

I believe that if someone knew and had told her, she might have been able to use protection. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded the person not revealing his or her name as much as she minded being blindsided by her husband concealing his illness.

Personally, I'd want to know if I were living a daily life based on lies and deception. Had someone spoken up, perhaps my friend would still be alive. -- MIMI IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MIMI: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your friend. And thank you for sharing your compelling story. Other readers responded to that letter with equal passion. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband was a cheater who ended up "sharing" his STD with me. I would have been eternally grateful to anyone who stepped up and told me about the affairs.

Unlike the wives you referenced in your answer, I was in a position to deal with it. I dealt with it as soon as I knew, but if someone had disclosed it to me earlier, perhaps I wouldn't have experienced the humiliation of an STD, or the lies of a spouse telling me how much he loved me while sleeping around behind my back. The truth is always the best policy. -- MICHELLE IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: I feel the best way to save a marriage involving a cheating spouse is to directly address it with the cheater. This allows the person to "come clean" to the spouse. When the unsuspecting spouse hears it from another source, it's like a double blow -- everyone else knows but the one being cheated on.

The marriages I have seen survive are those in which the cheater is able to confess to the infidelity, own up to the indiscretions and promise not to interact with the other offender. From experience, I know it is not an easy road back, but it's worth every step. -- SARA IN SPOKANE

DEAR ABBY: Two close friends of mine married young. They were immature and struggled to find their footing in the relationship. During the first year, unbeknownst to each other, they both had one-night stands, which they confided to me separately. I believed that imparting that information to anyone would only hurt people for no purpose, so I kept it to myself.

I'm glad I did. They wound up growing as individuals and as a couple, and they have been happily married for 20 years. I have no doubt that if I had spilled the beans, it would have promptly ended the union. I'm convinced that were I to do it now, it would serve only to create unnecessary pain where there is joy. -- TIGHT-LIPPED TESSIE

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 18 years. This is the second marriage for both of us. His ex-wife has asked him to fill in as caretaker for her father while she goes to an appointment. He sees nothing wrong with this, but it makes me very uncomfortable.

I don't think this should be our responsibility. His ex-father-in-law has three other grown children. I don't know how to handle this without coming off as the bad guy. Help, please. Or am I the one who needs counseling? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN GULFPORT

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I wish you had mentioned how friendly your husband's divorce was, and how much contact he has continued to maintain with his ex's family. While I agree that caring for his former father-in-law should be his children's responsibility, I would have to know more about this than you have written because there may be extenuating circumstances.

That your husband would be willing to do this -- occasionally -- speaks well about his level of compassion and character. But if this is ongoing, I can see why you would be uncomfortable about it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a vegetarian since I was 6 for ethical reasons, and I would like to raise my unborn daughter to be one, too. The problem is my parents and five sisters don't agree. They say that I will be depriving her and that I should let her make her own choices. They also said they will do as they please, even after I explained I would always have her food prepared in advance. Am I already a bad mom for saying no to meat? -- ETHICAL REASONS IN SPOKANE

DEAR ETHICAL REASONS: According to the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine: "Children raised on fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes grow up to be slimmer and healthier and even live longer than their meat-eating friends." However, not all doctors feel this way and advise that around 8 or 9 months complete proteins be introduced into a baby's diet to ensure the child gets enough iron. This is why this very important subject should be discussed with your child's pediatrician to help you decide what is best for her.

DEAR ABBY: My boss and his wife have been my friends for 25 years. I invited them to my daughter's wedding. His daughter is being married in three weeks and I have not yet received an invitation. I'm wondering why. Any thoughts? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: There could be any number of reasons why you weren't invited. Their daughter and her fiance may prefer that the money her parents would have spent on a large wedding be given to them instead so they can save for a down payment on a house or condo; it will be a small, intimate affair with family only; they are paying for the wedding themselves and don't have the money to invite all of their parents' friends. My advice is to wait and see how this plays out, because eventually, I am sure you will have your answer.