DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years. We are both retired. Five months after the wedding, my husband let me know that he wasn't interested in having sex anymore. We no longer share a bedroom. He's overweight, not in the best of health, and refuses to change his diet or exercise.

I feel like I am living with a very nice male friend. Other than the lack of affection, he isn't a bad person and he pays all the bills. I did state clearly to him before we were married what I was looking for in a husband, and he agreed to everything I said. Although I am lonely, I would never cheat on him.

I have been thinking about an exit plan. We pray every night and attend church together. He refuses to consider any type of marriage counseling. I'm not stressed, but I know I must get out of here. Any suggestions on how to save this marriage? -- THE EXIT PLAN

DEAR EXIT: The answer to your question is no. You made clear to your husband that sex in a marriage was important to you. You say he "agreed to everything." Because that was not the truth and you were misled, consult an attorney to find out if the marriage can be annulled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We are both in our 50s. Six months ago, I found him with nail polish on his toes. When I asked him about it, he explained that it started in his 20s when a girlfriend painted his toes, and he liked it. He has been painting his toes ever since. He said he doesn't wear polish all the time, but he does it for himself and he likes how it looks. I asked if he was a cross-dresser, and he assured me he isn't.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this. I'm writing for opinions from you and others. I can't turn to my friends because I don't want this to become small-town gossip. -- PAINTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PAINTED: You asked for an opinion, so here's mine. Frankly, I'm surprised it has taken you 10 years to notice this. Because your husband enjoys painting his toenails, look the other way and don't obsess about it. We all have quirks, and what he's doing is harmless.

P.S. I have it on good authority that he isn't the only man who does it.

DEAR ABBY: I am estranged from my son because he changed his last name when he married. He did it over my objection. Reportedly, his wife's parents tried to dissuade them from doing it, too. The explanation we were given was "they need to have the same last name to feel like a family." I suppose our last name was not acceptable, although they claimed they had nothing against it.

I tried to compromise and suggested my son use a hyphenated name. They agreed to it, but changed their minds after the wedding. I suspect that their reason was they want their children to have a different last name than ours.

What is your take on this? Am I overreacting by wanting to have nothing to do with them? -- MOM OF ANOTHER NAME

DEAR MOM: Yes, you are overreacting. If you keep this up, your grandchildren will miss out on a loving grandma. It is possible that your son and his wife preferred a name that was less ethnic or easier to spell. Hyphenating names can create problems -- especially if it continues into the next generation.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is graduating from high school in May. She has been accepted to a prestigious university, entirely due to her own hard work and dedication.

My father-in-law recently informed us that his new wife had selected our daughter's graduation present, and they are excited to give it to her. They chose a pink luggage set. My husband and I are mystified about why they decided this would be the perfect gift for our daughter. We know she will be embarrassed -- but gracious -- if she receives this gift in front of our family and friends on graduation day. We would like to spare her the awkwardness and having to return an inappropriate gift.

Abby, would it be rude of us to strongly encourage them to rethink their gift? How do we broach the subject so we don't cause hurt feelings or a rift? We are grateful for their generosity, but we know the gift won't suit our grad. -- MYSTIFIED MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: I do not advise your becoming involved with this. Warn your daughter in advance what the gift will be so she isn't caught flat-footed on graduation day. If she chooses to exchange the luggage for something she feels will be more appropriate, she should do so. Luggage that stands out like a sore thumb may be easier to spot on an airport carousel, but it can also be more vulnerable to theft than something that blends in.

DEAR ABBY: I have a tough problem. I care very much for my girlfriend. She keeps me in check and does everything for me. However, my best friend's sister and I are extremely close. By close, I mean we have conversations about how things would be if we were dating. We have so much fun together. We never, ever argue, whereas my girlfriend and I are constantly fighting. I legitimately want the other girl, but I don't know what I should do. -- SCARED AND STUCK IN ST. PAUL

DEAR SCARED AND STUCK: You are a free man, neither married nor engaged. Because you have romantic feelings for someone else, gather your courage and level with your girlfriend. Tell her that while you appreciate everything she has done for you, you want to be free to date other people and think she should, too. The news will probably come as a shock to her, but it's the honest thing to do and better for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband recently died, and I have just learned he had an illegitimate son 25 years ago. The son tracked me down wanting to know things about his biological father. My late husband and I had two children before this one was born. So, do I tell my children they have a half-brother and his aunts they have another nephew? -- TRACKED DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TRACKED DOWN: I see no reason to make any announcements right now. Keep the news to yourself until you are sure that the man wants more contact with his relatives and isn't just looking for medical information that could affect him. You also should make absolutely certain that he truly is your late husband's son by discussing it with an attorney before sharing any news or details.

DEAR ABBY: I can't talk to anyone about this (including my husband) because they'll think something's wrong with me or I am making it up.

When my son and his wife come to visit or we visit them, there's always something missing from my house or from my suitcase (when we visit them). When they visit, it's always small items like a china teacup, a nut bowl or a figurine. After we return from a visit, there's always a piece of costume jewelry or an item of clothing missing from my suitcase.

The items are always inexpensive. I never see these in their house, so I suspect she just takes them and throws them out. I don't know what to do aside from confronting her, which will probably cause a rift with my son. I've mentioned it to my husband and he refuses to believe me! Is there something wrong with her? Please help. I don't know how to handle this. -- GOING NUTS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GOING NUTS: Seeing is believing. Before your son and daughter-in-law's next visit, consider setting up one or more security cameras around your home. If what you suspect proves to be true, your daughter-in-law may suffer from emotional problems that need to be addressed. And when you visit them, make sure to lock your belongings in your suitcase. If nothing else, that may give you peace of mind.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently separated. I just started seeing a guy who was also recently separated and who will soon be divorced. The problem is, he is my friend "Melissa's" soon-to-be ex. They are breaking up because she cheated on him and left him for the other person.

He's a great guy, and it's too soon to tell if this could turn into an actual relationship. Melissa isn't a best friend of mine, but she's more than just an acquaintance. Should I pursue this or stop now? -- CONFUSED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR CONFUSED: When it comes to rebound romances, I advise to proceed with caution, so you don't get hurt. If you like this man, be a supportive friend to him for now. If the relationship develops into something more serious from there, so be it. You didn't cause the divorce, Melissa did, and you shouldn't be blamed.

DEAR ABBY: When restaurant hosts/hostesses decide where to seat patrons, I wish they would consider their mobility. Many times I have accompanied mobility-impaired family members and friends, and the host didn't consider the distance to the table. I understand that restaurant hosts try to balance the number of tables for the wait staff, but surely they can also consider the occasional patron who would greatly appreciate a shorter walk to their table. -- MOBILITY-IMPAIRED PATRON

DEAR PATRON: Restaurant hosts are not dictators, nor are they mind readers. If you or someone you are with has a disability that must be accommodated, inform the host and request a table that suits your needs. If the establishment values your patronage, the employees will be happy to comply.