Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were together for eight years before we married a year ago. He has a kid from a previous marriage who just turned 11. The boy has been a part of my life since he was 3. But it wasn't until his father and I were married that my parents began sending him Christmas presents. They don't usually send him birthday gifts.

My husband and I had our own child seven months ago. Now they're sending a ton of Christmas presents for my biological son, but only a few token gifts for my stepson. My sister didn't bother buying anything for my stepson or my husband. When I pointed it out to her, she ignored me.

I don't think it's fair that they exclude my stepson. My sister has two girls and I bought gifts for everyone -- including her husband -- although money was tight. Now I wish I could take everything back. How can I get them to not shortchange my stepson? Or should I just tell them not to bother sending anyone gifts? -- OUTCAST IN MONTANA

DEAR OUTCAST: It appears your husband may have a less-than-ideal relationship with your mother and your sister. Before taking any action, discuss this with your husband. If he agrees, then you are within your rights to tell them the way they are treating your husband and stepson is hurtful. Say that if it can't be corrected, you prefer gifts no longer be exchanged because the discrimination is blatant and not what these holidays are supposed to be about.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl in seventh grade. I have this crush and we're friends. I finally got up the courage to tell him I liked him, and he has said nothing about it for the past two days. My best friend, Sara, tried to ask him why twice at lunch, but he left every time she tried to bring it up.

I know we're only in middle school, but I'm ready. Should Sara and I confront him together or give him time? I can't do it without Sara because then I would probably run. What should I do? -- GIRL WITH A CRUSH

DEAR GIRL WITH A CRUSH: Twelve-year-old girls in seventh grade may be ready for crushes, but 12-year-old boys in seventh grade may not be. You have already gotten your message across to him. Forget confronting him and do not involve your friend Sara, or he will run in the opposite direction the minute he sees you coming.

Be patient. It may take some time, but he will develop an interest in girls eventually. And when he does, you do not want him to remember you as the one who embarrassed him in public.

DEAR ABBY: How do I treat someone with respect whom I do not respect and who does not respect me? I try to treat everyone courteously; however, it's tough to do when often the respect only flows one way. -- UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNSURE: Here's how. First, keep your distance, if that's possible. And then refrain from showing your disdain by using basic good manners whenever you are forced to be in the person's presence.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 14-year-old daughter I have raised alone. Her father has never been in her life, nor has he been in the lives of his other children with other women. He has a long history of criminal behavior and mental illness. Although he hasn't been part of her life, I have done everything in my power to keep her in touch with her siblings.

I just learned via the news and social media that her brother who is also 14 (and lives nearby with his grandparents), is being charged with two counts of capital murder. He reportedly shot both his grandparents. He had no other previous issues, and there were no warning signs.

I am torn inside trying to figure out how to break the news to my daughter. She's going through her own teenage issues, and I'm afraid the news will crush her. I need to figure this out ASAP, before she hears about it at school or from social media. My other major concern as a parent is, could their father have passed along to her his mental illness? -- SCARED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SCARED: This kind of awful news travels via television, social media and word of mouth faster than lightning. By the time this letter is published, your daughter will have already learned about this family tragedy.

Rarely, if ever, does this kind of acting out happen in a vacuum. Healthy children and young adults rarely -- if ever -- "snap" out of nowhere. Because you are concerned about the level of stress your daughter is experiencing, please waste no time in scheduling some sessions for both of you with a licensed mental health professional. If this will create financial hardship, contact the department of mental health in your community because through it you may be able to find a therapist who charges on a sliding financial scale.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband died in 1993 from an AIDS-related cancer. He contracted the disease from a blood transfusion during surgery. I elected to tell only close family members about his HIV. I was still quite young when he died.

Now when people ask me why I didn't remarry, I don't know how to reply. I didn't contract the disease from him, but people are still fearful of the word AIDS. I have never dated or sought a relationship with a man since my husband's passing. I still love him and have no regrets, but I don't know what to say. Please help. -- LONGTIME WIDOW

DEAR LONGTIME WIDOW: You are under no obligation to tell your life story to someone who asks that question casually. To someone like that, all you should say is what you wrote to me, "I still love him, and I have no regrets." The rest is nobody's business.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Blessed in New York" (Aug. 4), the mom who gave birth to her precious daughter on Christmas Day and wondered if maybe she should have timed her pregnancy better.

Our daughter was born on Dec. 20. When she was only a few years old, we purchased a 2-foot-tall artificial tree and named it the "birthday tree." She could decorate it every year however she liked. Any birthday presents went under that tree. That made her day special. When she got married and moved out, her birthday tree went with her. -- BLESSED, TOO, IN INDIANA

DEAR BLESSED, TOO: I enjoyed reading the letters from you and other readers who are Christmas babies or have a family member who is one. Their upbeat, positive experiences made me smile. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was born on Christmas Eve. From the time she was 5 and able to recognize that her birthday cards were getting scrambled in with the other holiday cards, we started celebrating on June 24 -- her half-birthday. She gets excited every year as it nears. She'll be 32. Celebrating her half-birthday was the best thing we could have decided to do, and I have no regrets. -- MOM OF A CHRISTMAS BABY

DEAR ABBY: I was born in December and I love my birthday! My mother, grandmother, sister-in-law and niece were also born in December. It's a great time to have a birthday. Everything is decorated for the holidays, and most people are in a good mood. My family never blended the occasions, so that helped.

As to people's comments, my reply is: "Everyone has a birthday. Mine just happens to be at Christmastime, so please acknowledge that." The only thing I do wish is, if I receive a birthday gift, I hope it's wrapped in birthday paper and not Christmas wrap. -- HOLLY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ABBY: I do not recommend celebrating the kid's half-birthday in June. In June, people are away at camp or on vacation, and there's no one to invite to the party.

Early December is a perfect time for a birthday party. Sports are over and the holiday parties haven't started, school is still in session so everyone is still around. Another good time is early January, right after school starts again but the other activities haven't yet geared up. -- BUSY DECEMBER MOM

DEAR ABBY: Fifty-five years ago my husband and I weren't thinking ahead either. Our son was born on Christmas Day. He still thinks that's great.

Christmas always lasted until after the presents were opened and the kitchen was cleaned following lunch. Then it was birthday time! It was special because his long-distance grandparents were always there.

When he became old enough for birthday parties, he could choose to have it on any day while school was out for the holiday break -- either before or after Christmas. It worked well for our family and it might for others, too. -- CAROLYN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Tell that new mom to cheer up. My mother was born on Christmas Day and she loved it. She said the reason was no one ever forgot it, and everyone got the day off! -- SARA IN FLORIDA