DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 15 years. Dad is remarried; my mother lives alone. My brother and I alternate holidays every year, and this year he was supposed to host our mother. Instead, he just informed me he has decided to invite our father and his wife to dinner, leaving our mother no place to go.

I would love to invite her to my in-laws' house, but my husband doesn't want her to come. When I told him he could take the kids to his family's house, he got very upset and told me I should consider him and our children first, before my mother.

So, what should I do? Should I leave my mom home alone on Christmas, or stay with her so she's not alone? -- WORRIED ABOUT MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED: Has your brother told your mother he won't be celebrating Christmas with her? If he hasn't, he should let her know now. Because your husband refuses to share Christmas with your mother, I assume their relationship is strained. If that's the case, it may be time for her to start mending fences.

As to whether you should sacrifice Christmas with your husband and children to be with her, I'm not sure you should. Your mother would be wise to learn to be more independent than she appears to be, and a way of doing that would be to start making plans of her own. If there is a church celebration, or an opportunity to volunteer in your community, suggest she investigate it. Also, consider seeing her on Christmas Eve, or for brunch or for lunch if she can't join you for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I have my college degree and will be heading to graduate school next year. I suffer from ADHD, for which I cannot take medication. ADHD affects many aspects of my life, especially in a professional setting. It makes it difficult for me to do basic things, such as show up to work on time, remember appointments and plan and prioritize tasks.

I'm working with my psychologist on strategies to help me better manage daily life. But in the meantime, how can I communicate to my professors and employers that my troubles with "basic professionalism" stem from an actual diagnosed disability, and not laziness or lack of effort? -- GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND

DEAR GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND: Ask your psychologist to provide you with a letter stating your diagnosis that you can show your professors and employers. If you have written proof that you suffer from a diagnosed disability, they may be willing to work with you rather than be judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I was at a friend's wedding and introduced myself to the groom's father. Because I was carrying something in my right hand, I extended my left hand. I'm no dead-fish guy, but the "lobster's" grip was so tight it crushed my ring into my finger, causing a bruise. I made no comment at the time, but now I am seething over his behavior. What might I have said, or should I say in some similar encounter? -- SORE IN SILICON VALLEY

DEAR SORE: Some men, in an attempt to prove their masculinity, tend to overdo it. It was within your rights to say, "Oww! Loosen up!" In the future, transfer whatever you're carrying in your right hand so you can observe the social amenities.

DEAR ABBY: My father -- aged 68, active and in good health -- has become increasingly obsessed with deciding who will get which of his belongings when he passes. Almost every conversation now consists of some form of "Do you think your cousin Joey would like my antique fishing lure collection?" I'm glad he's thinking ahead and putting his affairs in order, but it has been months since we've been able to talk about normal things, and I feel like he's missing out on living in the present.

I finally had to tell Dad to stop asking my young kids which of his childhood toys they would like when he dies because it was freaking them out. They no longer want to go over there because they're terrified he's going to keel over in front of them.

How do I get him to stop this, move on and continue living his life? I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an illness he's keeping secret. Obsessiveness is normal for him, but this topic is new. -- ADULT SON IN FLORIDA

DEAR ADULT SON: Have you asked your father directly what has caused this change in his behavior? If you haven't, you should. Have you any idea how long it has been since his last physical and neurological examination? If it has been more than a year, suggest the two of you go together to make absolutely sure nothing is wrong with him.

Because you prefer he stop talking about death and distribution of assets with your children, let him know that today's young people prefer electronic gadgets rather than the toys he played with in his youth. It's the truth, and he needs to hear it.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a group of men who play golf twice a week. After a round of golf, we'll have a couple of pitchers of beer to relax. We take turns buying the beer for the group, but there is no set rotation. Sometimes you may buy two pitchers, others you don't buy any.

One member of the group drinks the beer but never buys, even when it's obvious that he hasn't after many opportunities. Several of us are upset by his selfishness, and we have made comments to him about it. They roll off him like water off a duck's back. How do you think we should handle this selfish individual? -- STEP UP TO THE BAR IN TEXAS

DEAR STEP UP: Try this. Hand him the bill and say, "It's your turn!" But if that doesn't work, next time make it each man for himself and switch to bottles or glasses.

DEAR ABBY: Every Christmas, my daughter-in-law makes plans with her family on Christmas Day when they come in from out of town. I cannot remember the last time we had a Christmas Day with our son. We are not even invited over for a cup of coffee. Any suggestions? -- UNHAPPY HOLIDAYS IN NEBRASKA

DEAR UNHAPPY HOLIDAYS: Yes. I think in the interest of fairness, those Christmas Days should alternate -- odd years with one set of in-laws, even years with the other. However, if that doesn't work, an alternative might be to invite everyone -- including the other in-laws -- to your home. If you haven't talked to your son and DIL about it, you should.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were together for eight years before we married a year ago. He has a kid from a previous marriage who just turned 11. The boy has been a part of my life since he was 3. But it wasn't until his father and I were married that my parents began sending him Christmas presents. They don't usually send him birthday gifts.

My husband and I had our own child seven months ago. Now they're sending a ton of Christmas presents for my biological son, but only a few token gifts for my stepson. My sister didn't bother buying anything for my stepson or my husband. When I pointed it out to her, she ignored me.

I don't think it's fair that they exclude my stepson. My sister has two girls and I bought gifts for everyone -- including her husband -- although money was tight. Now I wish I could take everything back. How can I get them to not shortchange my stepson? Or should I just tell them not to bother sending anyone gifts? -- OUTCAST IN MONTANA

DEAR OUTCAST: It appears your husband may have a less-than-ideal relationship with your mother and your sister. Before taking any action, discuss this with your husband. If he agrees, then you are within your rights to tell them the way they are treating your husband and stepson is hurtful. Say that if it can't be corrected, you prefer gifts no longer be exchanged because the discrimination is blatant and not what these holidays are supposed to be about.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl in seventh grade. I have this crush and we're friends. I finally got up the courage to tell him I liked him, and he has said nothing about it for the past two days. My best friend, Sara, tried to ask him why twice at lunch, but he left every time she tried to bring it up.

I know we're only in middle school, but I'm ready. Should Sara and I confront him together or give him time? I can't do it without Sara because then I would probably run. What should I do? -- GIRL WITH A CRUSH

DEAR GIRL WITH A CRUSH: Twelve-year-old girls in seventh grade may be ready for crushes, but 12-year-old boys in seventh grade may not be. You have already gotten your message across to him. Forget confronting him and do not involve your friend Sara, or he will run in the opposite direction the minute he sees you coming.

Be patient. It may take some time, but he will develop an interest in girls eventually. And when he does, you do not want him to remember you as the one who embarrassed him in public.

DEAR ABBY: How do I treat someone with respect whom I do not respect and who does not respect me? I try to treat everyone courteously; however, it's tough to do when often the respect only flows one way. -- UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNSURE: Here's how. First, keep your distance, if that's possible. And then refrain from showing your disdain by using basic good manners whenever you are forced to be in the person's presence.