DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Karen," loves to sing karaoke along with many others, most of whom are vocally challenged. Listening to some of them can be grueling when we go out. Karen knows many of these "performers," and when they finish, she goes and tells them what a great job they've done. When I asked her why she gives the false compliments, she said, "I don't want to hurt their feelings."

Well, the same goes for Karen. The other singers compliment her to the point that she now believes she has a competition-worthy voice. In reality, while her voice isn't terrible, it's nowhere near what she thinks it is.

My wife is the love of my life and the nicest person I've ever known. I'm concerned for the future if someone should ever be honest with her about this because, so far, no one has been. Should I tell her the truth to save her from potential public embarrassment, or should I keep my mouth shut? -- COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: Unless your wife decides to audition for "American Idol," the chances of her being booed off stage are slim. You don't have to sing her praises, but I see nothing positive to be gained by diminishing her pleasure in performing. The word from here is: Keep your lip zipped.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, kind sister-in-law I'll call "Margaret." Our sons were born in the same year. She has chosen to keep her son home, while I am sending mine to day care. Both boys are toddlers now. The problem is, my son is socialized, while hers is not.

Margaret's son is mean and unwilling to share or play with my child. He lacks empathy and seeks only adult attention. Because of his lack of socialization and outright unsafe behavior, I don't want my son around him. Am I wrong for not wanting him to be exposed to this behavior?

My husband says it's good for our little one to learn how to deal with mean behavior, since it will make him "tough." However, I don't feel it's our child's job to learn to be tough at such a young age. -- DAY CARE ACCEPTING MOMMY

DEAR DAY CARE MOMMY: Perhaps your son should see this cousin only when they will be closely supervised. Your child may learn to "toughen up" later, but at the age of 2 or 3, it's a bit premature. The child who may be in for trouble is his cousin, because learning concepts like sharing and empathy enable children to successfully socialize with others throughout their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I know for a fact that gifts I have given to family members are often immediately given away. Should I confront them about this? I'd like to suggest that instead of giving the gift away they please return it to me. Of course, I know I could just quit giving them gifts. But I'd like for them to know the reason, instead of appearing to be stingy. Anxious for your opinion. -- ANXIOUS IN FORT WORTH

DEAR ANXIOUS: This is a delicate situation, but it can be handled if you're careful not to cause embarrassment when you tell your relatives you know what they've been doing with your gifts. Perhaps, rather than say you will just quit giving them gifts, you should offer to give them gift cards for a store they like. That way they can have something they will enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 15 years. Dad is remarried; my mother lives alone. My brother and I alternate holidays every year, and this year he was supposed to host our mother. Instead, he just informed me he has decided to invite our father and his wife to dinner, leaving our mother no place to go.

I would love to invite her to my in-laws' house, but my husband doesn't want her to come. When I told him he could take the kids to his family's house, he got very upset and told me I should consider him and our children first, before my mother.

So, what should I do? Should I leave my mom home alone on Christmas, or stay with her so she's not alone? -- WORRIED ABOUT MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED: Has your brother told your mother he won't be celebrating Christmas with her? If he hasn't, he should let her know now. Because your husband refuses to share Christmas with your mother, I assume their relationship is strained. If that's the case, it may be time for her to start mending fences.

As to whether you should sacrifice Christmas with your husband and children to be with her, I'm not sure you should. Your mother would be wise to learn to be more independent than she appears to be, and a way of doing that would be to start making plans of her own. If there is a church celebration, or an opportunity to volunteer in your community, suggest she investigate it. Also, consider seeing her on Christmas Eve, or for brunch or for lunch if she can't join you for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I have my college degree and will be heading to graduate school next year. I suffer from ADHD, for which I cannot take medication. ADHD affects many aspects of my life, especially in a professional setting. It makes it difficult for me to do basic things, such as show up to work on time, remember appointments and plan and prioritize tasks.

I'm working with my psychologist on strategies to help me better manage daily life. But in the meantime, how can I communicate to my professors and employers that my troubles with "basic professionalism" stem from an actual diagnosed disability, and not laziness or lack of effort? -- GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND

DEAR GRAD SCHOOL-BOUND: Ask your psychologist to provide you with a letter stating your diagnosis that you can show your professors and employers. If you have written proof that you suffer from a diagnosed disability, they may be willing to work with you rather than be judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I was at a friend's wedding and introduced myself to the groom's father. Because I was carrying something in my right hand, I extended my left hand. I'm no dead-fish guy, but the "lobster's" grip was so tight it crushed my ring into my finger, causing a bruise. I made no comment at the time, but now I am seething over his behavior. What might I have said, or should I say in some similar encounter? -- SORE IN SILICON VALLEY

DEAR SORE: Some men, in an attempt to prove their masculinity, tend to overdo it. It was within your rights to say, "Oww! Loosen up!" In the future, transfer whatever you're carrying in your right hand so you can observe the social amenities.

DEAR ABBY: My father -- aged 68, active and in good health -- has become increasingly obsessed with deciding who will get which of his belongings when he passes. Almost every conversation now consists of some form of "Do you think your cousin Joey would like my antique fishing lure collection?" I'm glad he's thinking ahead and putting his affairs in order, but it has been months since we've been able to talk about normal things, and I feel like he's missing out on living in the present.

I finally had to tell Dad to stop asking my young kids which of his childhood toys they would like when he dies because it was freaking them out. They no longer want to go over there because they're terrified he's going to keel over in front of them.

How do I get him to stop this, move on and continue living his life? I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an illness he's keeping secret. Obsessiveness is normal for him, but this topic is new. -- ADULT SON IN FLORIDA

DEAR ADULT SON: Have you asked your father directly what has caused this change in his behavior? If you haven't, you should. Have you any idea how long it has been since his last physical and neurological examination? If it has been more than a year, suggest the two of you go together to make absolutely sure nothing is wrong with him.

Because you prefer he stop talking about death and distribution of assets with your children, let him know that today's young people prefer electronic gadgets rather than the toys he played with in his youth. It's the truth, and he needs to hear it.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a group of men who play golf twice a week. After a round of golf, we'll have a couple of pitchers of beer to relax. We take turns buying the beer for the group, but there is no set rotation. Sometimes you may buy two pitchers, others you don't buy any.

One member of the group drinks the beer but never buys, even when it's obvious that he hasn't after many opportunities. Several of us are upset by his selfishness, and we have made comments to him about it. They roll off him like water off a duck's back. How do you think we should handle this selfish individual? -- STEP UP TO THE BAR IN TEXAS

DEAR STEP UP: Try this. Hand him the bill and say, "It's your turn!" But if that doesn't work, next time make it each man for himself and switch to bottles or glasses.

DEAR ABBY: Every Christmas, my daughter-in-law makes plans with her family on Christmas Day when they come in from out of town. I cannot remember the last time we had a Christmas Day with our son. We are not even invited over for a cup of coffee. Any suggestions? -- UNHAPPY HOLIDAYS IN NEBRASKA

DEAR UNHAPPY HOLIDAYS: Yes. I think in the interest of fairness, those Christmas Days should alternate -- odd years with one set of in-laws, even years with the other. However, if that doesn't work, an alternative might be to invite everyone -- including the other in-laws -- to your home. If you haven't talked to your son and DIL about it, you should.