DEAR ABBY: I had planned a trip to Europe with my friend "Elizabeth," a friend of hers and Elizabeth's daughter. The plan was I would share rooms with Elizabeth. We paid for the hotels in advance.

Shortly before our scheduled departure I fell, broke my ankle and couldn't go. We tried unsuccessfully to obtain some kind of refunds, and travel insurance paid only if the accident happened while we were actually traveling.

I was out $2,000. Elizabeth's friend offered me $500. Elizabeth, feeling some obligation, also offered me $500. I feel guilty taking Elizabeth's money because she paid for herself and her daughter. I think the other woman should give me at least half -- not just $500 -- because she derived 100 percent of the benefit. Also, she has never reached out to me directly at all.

No money has been received at this point. Should I just write it off? Or am I wrong to expect some of the money back? -- MONEY WOES IN THE EAST

DEAR MONEY WOES: Yes, you are wrong. Nobody owes you anything. Accidents happen, but the broken ankle was your bad luck. It was generous of Elizabeth and her friend to offer you any money at all. My advice is to accept it graciously, write the rest off, and stop looking for someone to be mad at.

DEAR ABBY: One of my relatives has bipolar disorder, and as far as I know he takes medicine for it. However, at our Christmas celebration last year he became verbally aggressive and abusive toward a family member who had done nothing to provoke it. Needless to say, it put a damper on the festivities.

Some people make excuses for him because he's bipolar, but I don't want another holiday ruined because of his behavior (which can be unpredictable). Must the rest of us sit on pins and needles hoping he doesn't explode this Christmas? I'd prefer not to invite him until he has better control of himself. Your opinion, please? -- HOPING FOR HAPPY HOLIDAYS

DEAR HOPING: You have a point. A solution might be to talk directly with your relative and explain that if he's taking his medication -- which means there will be no unpredictable outbursts -- he is welcome to be your guest for Christmas. If not, however, he should make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: On Veterans' Day I visited my family's cemetery plot and noticed my closest uncle does not have a military service marker like his two older brothers do. "Uncle Claude" had frequently mentioned to me how important a service marker was to him. I discussed it with his two out-of-state children several times after his death.

Almost two years have passed now, and it appears getting the marker might not happen. Should I inquire about this with my cousins, offer to assist them in getting and placing the marker or let it go? I did place a small flag on his grave later in the day. -- MILITARY SERVICE MARKER

DEAR M.S.M.: Discuss this with your cousins once more and ask if they would like you to pursue getting the marker for your uncle. There may be reasons why it hasn't happened -- including that they may not be able to afford the expense. You will never know unless you inquire.

DEAR ABBY: I am estranged from my sister, whom I love dearly. The reason goes back many years. When I was 13, her husband got me drunk and molested me. While I never forgot, I did repress it -- possibly due to my age.

Time went on, I thought I had moved on and life would continue as usual. Well, five years ago the trauma erupted inside of me. My therapist thinks that possibly what triggered it was becoming a grandmother.

I cannot talk to my sister's husband, let alone look at him. The sight of him makes me physically ill, which is obvious to everyone. Exposing him would devastate my sister, her family and our extended family.

I am praying for guidance and the strength to forgive him, but it's not working, and neither is therapy. I am now regarded as the "bad guy" and left isolated with no one except my amazing husband. My own kids are skeptical and think I am destroying our family. Advice, Abby? -- SO LOST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SO LOST: Because keeping quiet and talking to a therapist haven't helped you, I will suggest another route for healing. Call your family together. Tell them exactly what happened when you were 13 and that you can no longer keep quiet about it.

At the same time, contact a rape crisis center because at 13, even if you were drunk and consented to what your brother-in-law did, you were underage and a victim of statutory rape. If your family accuses you of making this up, invite them to some of your counseling sessions with the rape counselor. With the help of that person, you may be able to help them see the light.

DEAR ABBY: I was a professional musician most of my life and loved every second of it. While I still do production work and an occasional performance, I no longer tour or need the money from the shows.

I own several instruments that are my most prized possessions, and have many precious memories associated with them. They are worth several thousand dollars. I cannot think of anyone to leave them to who might appreciate them.

None of my heirs are musical, and I'm estranged from my only child, a son in his early 40s. If he inherited them, he'd sell them and squander the money before the last chorus. The same is true of my only grandchild.

I'm in my early 60s, healthy, active and don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. But eventually -- when I do -- I want these most important items to go where they will be played well and appreciated. -- QUARTER NOTE QUANDARY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR Q.N.Q.: How about donating your instruments to a program that keeps music alive in schools with underfunded music programs nationwide? An organization to consider is the Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation. It gives economically disadvantaged youth access to the benefits of music education, and helps them to be better students and express their emotions and creativity through playing music. The foundation also has a fund called Music Rising that helps school music programs after natural disasters. The website is mhopus.org. If you check it out, I'm sure you will find it interesting.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband confessed that he was having an affair at work. Before it started, he tried setting "Velma" up with his twin brother, but she said she wasn't interested. Their affair lasted for months, until the guilt "ate him up." When he told me, I was devastated.

We agreed to get counseling and work on our marriage. Well, it turns out Velma was also seeing his brother while she was with my husband. Oh! And she had a baby, and we're not sure who the father is.

My brother-in-law claims he loves Velma and she loves him. I have been asked if I am willing to sit with her, my husband and brother-in-law to "clear the air." I don't think I can do it. Although I want my brother-in-law to be happy, at the same time, I don't want to ever be near this woman. Please help. -- LOSING MYSELF

DEAR LOSING YOURSELF: Has your brother-in-law married Velma? If not, I see no reason why you should be forced to clear anything with her. If the two of them have tied the knot, then I can see a benefit for you in having a discussion. Of course, that discussion should be in the office of a professional mediator, and you should first make a list of all the questions you would like her to answer.

At the top of the list would be why she was sleeping with your husband and his brother at the same time. Close to that one would be why she thinks you would ever want to have a relationship with her. Take it from there and add questions of your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Korean lady whose husband spends a lot of time on Facebook. He says it's to promote his books. (He loves to write.) I think he does it to get recognition from his Facebook "friends."

Well, that may be great for him. But my problem with him -- and Facebook -- is that sometimes he provides too much information about me. None of it is positive.

We had a fight two weeks ago, and the next thing I knew, I was reading about it on Facebook, all from his point of view. Before that, he complained he only got a bowl of cereal for breakfast when he would have liked a hot meal instead. Excuse me, but what's stopping him from making one for himself when I have to drop off the kids at school and go to work?

I feel hurt after reading what he's posting and ashamed for not being a "good enough" spouse. Am I overly sensitive or should I confront him about this? I could use some wise advice. -- EMBARRASSED IN KOREA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: By all means talk to your husband about what he's been doing, because if he has complaints, they should be directed to you rather than his Facebook buddies. If you feel compelled to defend yourself, you can always reply to his posts to set the record straight. If he continues to publicly discuss what should be a private matter, you might be less embarrassed if you read his posts less often or unfriend him altogether.