DEAR ABBY: My son, a junior in college, is trying to get a summer job. His degree is challenging, and he has a good work ethic plus job experience. Because he hasn't had much luck applying online, I have been calling local businesses to see what's available while he's working hard at school.

A problem I'm encountering is something I never had to deal with in my own job search. It's companies asking if he wants an internship. They say they can't pay him to train him. Can you explain the basis of this response? -- WANTS TO KNOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS TO KNOW: The basis may be economic. The companies don't want to spend the money on an intern, particularly one who exhibits such little initiative that his mother has to call to inquire about a job for him. Keep in mind that some internships have been known to lead to permanent positions. Your son may have better luck if he places the calls himself.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper when hosting guests from out of state? In a few months, two different relatives will be visiting me separately, each for two weeks. For years it has been my custom to go to church early on Sunday and then to brunch with friends. I don't mind giving up the brunch, but I don't want to miss church for an entire month. (I'm a widow now and I enjoy the fellowship.)

One relative is a non-churchgoer, and the other is a Jehovah's Witness. Neither will attend with me even though I invite them. (I tried that.) How do I handle this? -- CHURCH OR NO CHURCH

DEAR C. OR N.C.: Having houseguests does not mean you are shackled together the entire time they stay with you. Because you have "tried that" and your offer was rejected, they already know you like to attend church.

Handle the situation by telling them you will be going to early services on Sunday and then to brunch with some of the church members afterward. If you're worried about feeding your houseguests, tell them there will be lox, bagels and cream cheese waiting in the fridge when they get up -- something from almost every food group.

DEAR ABBY: I have a slightly different version of a "Pennies From Heaven" letter for you.

My darling grandmother would often tell my brother and me she had a "Yankee dime" for us -- which meant a kiss. Not long after her death, I started finding shiny dimes in the strangest places -- under birthday gifts, by the Christmas tree and in my kitchen (which is my happy place). My heart fills as the dimes continue to pile up. I save them all.

If I had a penny for every Yankee dime I got while growing up, I'd be very rich. -- SUZANNE IN OCALA, FLA.

DEAR SUZANNE: You are rich! You were blessed to have had a grandmother who loved you and your brother and demonstrated it every chance she got. What a wonderful legacy to leave behind.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an avid video game player. My husband and I bond over playing games, reading and talking about them. In fact, in my spare time, I just earned a master's degree in video game culture.

The issue I have is people judge my hobby as "a waste of time" or comment that I should read a book instead. I don't tell them I read a book a week because I shouldn't have to justify what I do with my time. I have a good job and a wonderful, stable marriage, yet people consider me immature because of video games.

Abby, video games are incredible works of art that tell amazing stories and allow players to experience a host of worlds and narratives that can be inspiring. Many people make lifelong friendships through online gaming or learn new skills through educational games.

What can I say to people who dismiss my hobby as a waste while claiming that reading the latest trashy vampire book or going out every Friday and Saturday night to get wasted is "really living"? -- PROUD GAMER GIRL

DEAR PROUD GAMER: A master's degree in video game culture is impressive. People who regard you as lazy or lacking in motivation are ignorant. Video game design has become a well-established industry. In fact, it's akin to the film industry in that the creative process requires an education similar to -- but even more extensive than -- that offered in film schools. Rather than try to convince those who tell you how to spend your time, focus your energy on what works for you and spend less of it around negative individuals.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem: I don't have a mouth filter and haven't since childhood. I bullied people in the past because of how I was bullied and deliberately hurt people to prevent them from hurting me. At work, I did it to the point that a co-worker called me the b-word and threatened to punch me in the mouth if I did it again. I take full responsibility. I deserved it.

Abby, as an adult, I have become meaner and more bitter and hurtful than I was as a child. Please give me some advice because I'm afraid I'm going to be worse in the future. -- GUILTY AND SAD

DEAR GUILTY AND SAD: You are not going to become worse in the future because you now realize you have a serious problem and are willing to do something about it. Awareness is the first step in fixing it. An anger management class could be a good start.

With practice, you can develop a filter. Rather than reflexively lashing out, start consciously cultivating kindness. If you do that, you'll be amazed at how quickly it will grow. Rather than criticize, first ask yourself, "Is what I'm going to say true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" And if it's not all three -- don't say it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old senior and have been dating the same boy for two years. A month ago, he told me he wanted to break up "because he needed some time to figure out what he wanted." I was devastated but agreed. Two weeks later, he told me he was sorry and he loves me.

We are back together now, but the weekend after our breakup, I went to visit a college girlfriend. We went to a party and I ended up having sex with a boy I didn't even know. I feel guilty and unworthy. What should I do? If I tell my boyfriend, I'm sure I'll lose him for good. If I don't tell him, I'll always worry that he will find out from someone else. -- UNWORTHY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNWORTHY: You are acting like you have something to feel guilty about. You don't. At the time you visited your college girlfriend, your boyfriend had broken things off with you. You do not owe him an explanation or a confession as long as you haven't given him an STD. Contact your physician and be checked to be sure.

DEAR ABBY: I'm vegan and make a point of being polite to servers in restaurants. I carefully describe what I would like to eat from their menu. Although they appear to be attentive, half the time they serve me a meal with an added touch -- a scoop of sour cream or sprinkle of cheese on the top.

When it happens, is it fair to send the food back to the kitchen? Or is it better to painstakingly scrape the unrequested item off of my dinner? I don't want to waste food, and I would like my meal prepared to my specifications. Any suggestions? -- VEGAN IN THE WEST

DEAR VEGAN: You have every right to send a meal back if it wasn't prepared the way you requested. You, as the customer, are paying for your food, and you should not have to painstakingly scrape anything off it. Some people with dietary restrictions carry a laminated card with them that lists the foods they cannot eat. It is shown to the chef by the server at the time your order is placed. You may want to try it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died recently. We didn't have children. His family keeps contacting me and inviting me to lunch, movies, etc. The problem is, I have nothing in common with them and no longer want to spend time with them. When I make an excuse to politely bow out, they suggest another date, and another and another. How can I get them to leave me alone? -- ENJOYING MY SOLITUDE

DEAR SOLITUDE: Your former in-laws mean well, and many would consider you fortunate that they try so hard to be supportive and remain close. Keep in mind that you are their last tie to their son. However, because your polite refusals aren't getting through, tell them that while you appreciate their gesture, you are not lonely. In fact, you enjoy being "alone with your memories" and you will contact them if you change your mind.