DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have worked hard all my life. I started and built a well-respected retail furniture business, which has grown to seven showrooms in two states.

When my children were grown, I helped each of them get a start in life. They are all successful and have grown children of their own.

I love all my grandchildren. Of the five of them, four are college graduates and two have come into the business. Along with their father, my son, they are taking what I started and growing it. I couldn’t be prouder.

There is one of my grandchildren, though, my only granddaughter, who has gone on to break her parents’ and my hearts.

In her senior year of high school she started playing around with drugs because that is what her boyfriend was doing. She became hooked on heroine and has been in and out of rehab at least four times in as many years. The creep who got her started pops in and out of her life and they have a baby who lives with my daughter and her husband. There is a custody court battle gearing up and the whole situation is a nightmare.

When I told my daughter and son-in-law that I intend to take my granddaughter out of my will, they were shocked. My daughter said I was giving up on their little girl, who was trying to get her life together. I told her I sure as hell do not want two drug addicts getting their hands on a sizeable amount of money. We all know what they will do with it, and I am doing everyone a favor by keeping the money away from her so long as she is unable to stay clean.

My daughter calls me heartless. Am I? She doesn’t think I am so bad when I am paying for my granddaughter’s rehab stints, and I am not unwilling to pay for more, if there’s a decent chance it will get her clean once and for all. --- FOR HER OWN GOOD

DEAR FOR HER OWN GOOD: I agree with you that handing over a windfall of cash to an addict could be catastrophic.

I believe you should consider seeing if your attorney or estate planner can propose some way to protect the inheritance that you had earmarked for your granddaughter so that it can be managed by someone other than her. There may be a way to direct that funds only be used to allow your granddaughter to seek legitimate treatment.

Ultimately the decision to include or exclude your granddaughter from your will is yours to make, but if a compromise between all or nothing can be reached, it’ll potentially help keep peace in the family and provide a way for you to continue to support your granddaughter’s recovery attempts after you’re gone should they still be necessary.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my older brother told our parents he was taking a gap year between high school and college they weren’t thrilled, but they went along with it. Turns out he found a great job he really liked during that gap year and never went on to college. Last year he used his college savings fund to put a downpayment on a house, which also made my parents nuts, but which I thought was a smart move.

I have been telling my parents I also want to take a gap year after I graduate high school this spring. I’m in an IB (international baccalaureate) program and will also be taking four AP tests in May. I have been doing extremely well so far this school year and am confident I will earn the AP credits. Besides which, I will be leaving high school with an IB degree. All of this means I will have basically done at least my first year of college by the time I graduate high school.

Because my brother never went to college, my parents say I can’t take a gap year. They seem to forget that I am very different from my brother and fully intend to attend and graduate from college. I just need a break, and I think I have earned one these last three and a half years.

I have already had early acceptance decisions to my two top picks. One of them told me there is no problem with a gap year deferment, and the other said they would make a final decision on a deferment when they see my final semester grades.

What can I do to convince my parents I am going to go to college? I just need a break. --- NEED A BREAK

DEAR NEED A BREAK: IB programs are famously demanding, and you’ve done well to succeed in one thus far. It’s not difficult to see that you’d likely benefit from some time off before diving into college.

Hopefully when you’re discussing your plans with your parents you’re offering some specifics on what you’re looking to accomplish during your time out of school, how you’re going to afford it, and precisely how you intend to get back on track with your studies after your batteries are recharged.

Giving them a clear outline of your gameplan might help them understand your continued commitment to your education.

One thing you will want to investigate if you haven’t yet is what happens to any scholarships or financial aid packages that are part of your early decision offers. Your parents could rightly be concerned that by asking for an admissions deferment you’ll possibly lose critical funding, which would naturally play into their reluctance to green light your gap year.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know our parents had a lot, a lot of problems in their marriage, so none of us were surprised when they got divorced. My sister and I were honestly relieved because we could see how miserable they were together.

What we didn’t know until our grandmother told us was that what caused the final breakup was our dad having an affair with the woman he is now married to. When we first met her, our father told us he had known her for about 20 years, but we thought they didn’t start going together until sometime after the divorce.

Our grandmother knows our new stepmother a long time too and told us she had run through a lot of men, some of them married like our dad.

This got us thinking that if she cheated with our dad while he was still married to our mom, what will keep her from cheating on our dad too? --- NOT A GOOD THOUGHT

DEAR NOT A GOOD THOUGHT: I’m guessing that if your father has known his new wife for a long time, it’s likely he has an idea that she’s had relationships with other men.

While it’s natural to be concerned about his future happiness, your worrying about what may or may not happen within his marriage won't accomplish anything except perhaps set up a tension between you and your new stepmother, and by extension your father.