DEAR ABBY: I am an older IT professional (58) who had a very successful career until a year ago. I was part of a major layoff at the company I worked at for many years. I have not been able to find a job in the IT field since.

Besides my skills and knowledge in IT, I'm an accomplished handyman with skills in most of the trades. The issue is, my wife is insistent that I get another job in IT -- mostly for the benefits.

Older IT workers have a very hard time finding work in the field. I'd like to start a handyman company since I enjoy this kind of work. If I start a handyman business, my wife, for the first time, would have to go from being a part-time worker at her job to full time to provide us with benefits. This will cause a lot of strain on our marriage because she has made it clear she does not want to work full time.

I think she's being selfish. I have provided her with a very nice lifestyle for many years and feel it's time she step up and do her part. I'm not sure how to broach the subject without an argument ensuing. Help? -- SWITCHING GEARS IN NEW YORK

DEAR SWITCHING: Expect an argument and be prepared for it. You are not responsible for having been laid off. It seems there is plenty of ageism in your field, and it isn't surprising you can't find a comparable job in IT when the preference appears to be for hiring younger, cheaper workers.

Frankly, you are fortunate to have both an alternative and the initiative to start a handyman business. Good handymen are hard to find, and your wife should make the effort to support you in what could be a successful endeavor once it gets on its feet. That's what partners in life are supposed to do, isn't it?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. He has three siblings, all in their 20s, none married.

Today I received a group email from his mom addressed to him, his father, his grandmother, all three siblings and their boyfriends/girlfriends (including me) asking for Christmas wish lists. She wants to know what we would like for Christmas and would like all of us to "reply all" on the email so everyone else will have ideas for Christmas presents.

I don't know how to respond! I don't want to appear greedy, but I do like the idea that she wants to get us all presents that we will like. Can you give me any suggestions on the best way to respond? -- PERPLEXED IN ALABAMA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your boyfriend's mother is a generous -- and sensible -- woman. She is soliciting ideas because she doesn't want to waste her time or money buying something the recipient won't like. Answer her question. Tell her what you would like, as long as it isn't something that will break the bank. Your boyfriend can probably give you some hints about her budget. I suggest you talk to him about it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you can help me with this situation. I have been married for 13 years but never told my family that I got married. I now want to divorce my husband, but I don't know how to approach it because he holds it over my head. Please help. I have fallen in love with someone else and I need to divorce my current husband and move on, but I don't know how to tell my family. -- STUCK IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STUCK: Obviously, you and your family aren't close. What is he holding over your head? The fact that you were married? Your family can't miss something they have never had -- in this instance, a relationship with the spouse you hid from them. So although they may be disappointed that you withheld the information, don't expect them to grieve his "loss."

You didn't mention how long you've been involved with this other man, but you should not rush into another marriage. Perhaps this mess will teach you how important it is to live openly and honestly and not sweep things -- like a husband -- under the rug.

DEAR ABBY: Crazy question, but a serious one. Christmas is coming, so please answer quickly. When carolers come to the door, what's the polite response to them? Where we live it's usually bitter cold and snowy. Do you stand out there on your porch, just keep the door ajar, invite them inside, serve them hot chocolate, coffee?

I've been ill at ease for years, and although it's a tradition that seems to be falling by the wayside, I'd like to know what you have to say about it. Thank you so much. I enjoy reading your column. -- MARCIA IN EASTERN WASHINGTON

DEAR MARCIA: All you need to do is give the carolers a heartfelt thank you for their efforts. While one might be tempted to offer them a hot beverage -- coffee or tea -- a milky drink is not good for a performer's throat, and it also might cause them to have to make frequent pit stops on their route, which would be counterproductive.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a family member, an ex-sister-in-law, sent out invitations on Facebook for her retirement party. A week after everyone had accepted, she posted that in order to attend, guests would have to buy a ticket for $50. I find this very tacky.

It's not so much the $50, but the way it was presented. This woman was a professional with a great job. She has a large home and drives a luxury car. When I asked other family members and friends how they felt, for the most part they agreed with me. Needless to say, I will not be going. What do you think? -- APPALLED OUT WEST

DEAR APPALLED: I think that, under the circumstances, you should inform your former sister-in-law that since you received the invitation your plans have changed, so you will be unable to attend after all. And when you do, don't forget to wish her well in her retirement.

DEAR ABBY: Many wives write you about problems with their husbands who drink too much. If they live in a community property state, there's something important they need to know. If the husband drives drunk and causes an injury, both the wife and husband may be named as co-defendants -- even if the wife wasn't involved. And if the injured party is successful in the lawsuit, the co-defendants together must pay.

Wives who tolerate their husband's refusal to stop drinking need to be aware of the economic hammer the law could have hanging over them. I just went through this experience. Had I known the law in our community property state would lump me in, I would have had a powerful reason to divorce my husband years ago after I realized he would never give up drinking. -- GETTING THE WORD OUT IN PHOENIX

DEAR GETTING: Thank you for teaching me and my readers something. If someone has a spouse of either sex with an alcohol problem who gets behind the wheel of a car, for their own protection, they should consult their lawyer and their insurance agent about what the ramifications could lead to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in high school, and I'm in love with a senior. I met him a year ago when we had some classes together. We liked each other, but because of our age difference, we never dated.

I thought I would get over him over the summer, but I didn't. We don't see each other at all this year, and I'm almost sure he's moved on. I feel like I need to move on, too, but deep down I really don't want to. I'm worried I'll never find someone I like as much as him. Help me get on with my life. -- TOTALLY STUCK IN MONTANA

DEAR STUCK: A way to move forward would be to give yourself less time to think about him. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied with your studies. If you can get into new activities, do it. Not only will they distract you, but they will also give you the opportunity to learn something new as well as make more friends and perhaps meet someone equally special.

That said, do not expect to banish him completely from your heart. If he was your first love, he may always occupy a tiny portion of the real estate there.

DEAR ABBY: This has been happening for years, and I would like your advice, please. I like my meat well done. But whenever I order a steak that way, someone at the table invariably has to comment that I am ruining the texture, killing the taste, etc. Red or rare meat disgusts me. If I see blood on my plate, I can eat only the well-done parts around the edges. Is there a nice way of telling other people to mind their own business and let me order my food the way I want it? -- STILL MOVING ON MY PLATE

DEAR STILL MOVING: Sure there is. All you have to do is smile and say, "That's my preference. This is the way I like it." Then chow down and change the subject.