DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.

She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven't had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it's fine with me.

They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don't want to open old wounds, but I'd like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I'm unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- NOT A GRANDMA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT A GRANDMA: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it to her and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I am sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don't be surprised if there is so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adult who had to move back home with my parents due to ill health. In the evening, we like to watch TV together. However, I often find myself hiding out alone in my bedroom because my father has the volume turned so high my ears hurt. I "jokingly" said he should get a hearing aid, but he seemed offended by the suggestion.

I would love to enjoy family time, but don't want to have to wear earplugs every time I sit in the living room. Do you (or your readers) have any suggestions? I'm hoping he sees this because he reads your column every morning. -- TURN THE VOLUME DOWN

DEAR VOLUME: Stop dreaming. Your dad is in denial about his hearing loss and wouldn't recognize himself in my column if you hit him with the newspaper.

Have another chat with Dad and tell him the TV volume is so loud it is painful for your ears, which is why you stay in your room rather than watch with him. The solution might be as easy as earphones for him (rather than earplugs for you) so you and your mom can enjoy the programs at a normal volume. It is also time for him to have a conversation with an audiologist, once he can finally reconcile himself to the fact that there IS a problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn't flattering to him. Should I tell him that I'm aware of this information or dismiss it? -- UNCERTAIN IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it's time to end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a transgender male who has grown up in an area where many people discourage such things. They view what I am as a sin and me as a sinful, satanic child. My parents are against anything different, including the LGBT community.

I have already gone through top surgery, but they don't know about it. What they do know is that I am bisexual. How do I tell them that I am male? -- SINFUL CHILD

DEAR "SINFUL" CHILD: Why do you want to make an announcement? You know what will happen the minute you do. If you feel you must say something, say that you have discovered your true self, which is male, and that you are happier now than you have ever been.

After you do that you will be free. You can then start building a family comprised of people who are understanding and accepting, which will be healthier for you than the one you were born into.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have been estranged for many years for multiple reasons. She has bad-mouthed me in emails to other relatives and then denied having done it, invited my ex-husband to family birthday parties knowing I wouldn't show up if he was there, and gone months, sometimes years, without speaking to me over things she has perceived as slights.

I have tried many times to walk away and let the situation go, but I continue being urged by other family members to "be the bigger person," not give up and "just keep trying." I married recently and invited her to the wedding. She texted 48 hours beforehand to indicate she would not be there. I'm wondering, is it OK to stop trying now? I mean, how much of this should one person be forced to take? -- JUST ABOUT DONE TRYING

DEAR JUST ABOUT DONE: I see nothing to be gained by continuing to tolerate your mother's passive aggression. If you are asking for my permission to stop doing all the work in the relationship, I am pleased to give it to you now.

DEAR ABBY: I have socialized with a group of women for the past 20 years. Our connection has always been our children. Now the children are grown and gone, one woman in our group keeps trying to include spouses each time we get together.

My husband works long hours. He doesn't enjoy being with these men, and he doesn't want to go on these outings. I have sympathized with him because I don't like the changes either. I'd prefer these events stay girlfriends-only. I have gone solo a few times and stayed away a few times. But my friends are commenting now, and I feel stuck and uncomfortable. Do you have any suggestions? -- NO FAN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NO FAN: Yes, be honest. Level with your women friends and say you prefer socializing with them without the husbands. You are entitled to your feelings, and you do not have to elaborate further.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old widower. A year ago I faced a bleak future and expressed a desire to kill myself. My cousin in another state, whom I hadn't seen since childhood, invited me to move in with him and his mother -- my late mother's sister.

I now have plans for the future, which include returning to the state I left. The thing is, my cousin resolves disputes with his fists. I know that when I move, my aunt will want to come with me. My aunt is sweet, but she's not my intellectual equal.

Frankly, I prefer to be alone in my home when I move. I'll want cats; she's allergic. She smokes; I don't. The job I want will have me on the road for days at a time. While it would be nice to have someone in the house while I'm away, I'd rather have it be empty than have her there.

I'm sorry her only child is abusive, but am I really the solution? (Both mother and son are twice divorced. They have only each other.) Moving is about a year away, but this dilemma bothers me. I don't want to abandon her, but I don't want to be her savior, either. When it's time to relocate, what can I tell her? -- MULLING IT OVER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MULLING: Start talking privately with your aunt and impress upon her that no one -- including her son -- has the right to physically or emotionally abuse her. Encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (the toll-free number is 800-799-7233) and talk to someone there.

I'm sorry you didn't mention who is supporting whom, but she should not remain in a home where her safety may be threatened. And if her son raises a hand to her in your presence, you shouldn't hesitate to call 911. If he does it when you're not around, impress upon her that she must call.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an email from my ex-husband, who lives in the same state as my daughter. (I am remarried.) In it he asked me to agree to a budget he has given my daughter for her upcoming wedding. There was no discussion with me regarding the amount.

Abby, he gave her a budget of $100,000 and expects me to pay half! When I emailed him back and asked how he arrived at such a crazy number, he responded that his brother had spent that amount on his two daughters. Wow!!!

I said absolutely not, the number was flat-out ridiculous, and he should never have promised that figure to begin with, let alone without consulting me. Your thoughts? -- NOW THE BAD ONE

DEAR "BAD ONE": I think the same way you do. He should never have promised any amount of money without first discussing it with you. I also think it is time to bring your daughter and her fiance into the conversation. Many modern couples split the cost of their wedding between themselves, so don't feel defensive when you do it.