Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 40 years old and a lousy conversationalist. She will answer questions, but her conversation always turns to herself and her narrow, specific interests. She never asks me (or others) about ourselves, and when she starts talking about herself, there's no stopping her. She seems to need to dominate every conversation.

She has always been this way, and I think it's partly because she's anxious. She was bullied as a child, and I think that contributes as well. When she was little, her dad and I talked about it, but he's very hands-off and didn't want to address it. Because of that, her style never changed, and I now think we made a mistake. Can you suggest a way I could help her, even now, to become better at conversation? -- SMOOTH TALKER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TALKER: You are well-meaning, but there is little you can do to turn your daughter into a better conversationalist. From your description, she may be deeply insecure. However, until she realizes that her coping mechanism is driving others away, your suggestions will be met with denial and ignored. The most helpful thing you could say, if she asks for advice, would be that she needs unbiased guidance, which she can find by scheduling some time with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please ask your readers NOT to open doors for toddlers? Since I became a parent and my son has learned to walk, I have been amazed at how many people will open the door in a store or supermarket to let him outside. I guarantee you, my son is safer inside the store than alone and unsupervised outside. While he may stand at the door wanting to go outside, he does not know what is best for him, and chances are I'm still inside the store.

Abby, please remind your readers that although a child may be standing alone at the door, the parents are typically no more than 10 or 15 feet away. If they wanted him to go outside, they would open the door for him. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT OF A TODDLER

DEAR PARENT: As requested, I'm printing your letter. However, when parents take small children shopping, they should be extra careful about keeping them close and in their line of sight. Another concern is, toddlers have been known to destroy displays of cans, bottles and boxes, and get underfoot, which creates a hazard for other shoppers.

It isn't always a "helpful" shopper who allows the little ones to exit. Sometimes the doors swing open automatically. It might be safer for all concerned if the little ones are kept securely fastened in the cart or a stroller.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years has an offensive eating habit. When finishing his meal, he takes the plate or bowl, puts it to his mouth as one would a drinking glass, and shovels the remains into his mouth. As he does it he makes little sucking movements with his lips like an animal lapping food from a bowl. I find it revolting, but how can I address it without offending him? -- ANNOYED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ANNOYED: Offending him? Try this: Say it in PLAIN ENGLISH! (Or just feed him sandwiches.)

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.

She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven't had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it's fine with me.

They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don't want to open old wounds, but I'd like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I'm unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- NOT A GRANDMA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT A GRANDMA: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it to her and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I am sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don't be surprised if there is so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adult who had to move back home with my parents due to ill health. In the evening, we like to watch TV together. However, I often find myself hiding out alone in my bedroom because my father has the volume turned so high my ears hurt. I "jokingly" said he should get a hearing aid, but he seemed offended by the suggestion.

I would love to enjoy family time, but don't want to have to wear earplugs every time I sit in the living room. Do you (or your readers) have any suggestions? I'm hoping he sees this because he reads your column every morning. -- TURN THE VOLUME DOWN

DEAR VOLUME: Stop dreaming. Your dad is in denial about his hearing loss and wouldn't recognize himself in my column if you hit him with the newspaper.

Have another chat with Dad and tell him the TV volume is so loud it is painful for your ears, which is why you stay in your room rather than watch with him. The solution might be as easy as earphones for him (rather than earplugs for you) so you and your mom can enjoy the programs at a normal volume. It is also time for him to have a conversation with an audiologist, once he can finally reconcile himself to the fact that there IS a problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn't flattering to him. Should I tell him that I'm aware of this information or dismiss it? -- UNCERTAIN IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it's time to end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a transgender male who has grown up in an area where many people discourage such things. They view what I am as a sin and me as a sinful, satanic child. My parents are against anything different, including the LGBT community.

I have already gone through top surgery, but they don't know about it. What they do know is that I am bisexual. How do I tell them that I am male? -- SINFUL CHILD

DEAR "SINFUL" CHILD: Why do you want to make an announcement? You know what will happen the minute you do. If you feel you must say something, say that you have discovered your true self, which is male, and that you are happier now than you have ever been.

After you do that you will be free. You can then start building a family comprised of people who are understanding and accepting, which will be healthier for you than the one you were born into.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have been estranged for many years for multiple reasons. She has bad-mouthed me in emails to other relatives and then denied having done it, invited my ex-husband to family birthday parties knowing I wouldn't show up if he was there, and gone months, sometimes years, without speaking to me over things she has perceived as slights.

I have tried many times to walk away and let the situation go, but I continue being urged by other family members to "be the bigger person," not give up and "just keep trying." I married recently and invited her to the wedding. She texted 48 hours beforehand to indicate she would not be there. I'm wondering, is it OK to stop trying now? I mean, how much of this should one person be forced to take? -- JUST ABOUT DONE TRYING

DEAR JUST ABOUT DONE: I see nothing to be gained by continuing to tolerate your mother's passive aggression. If you are asking for my permission to stop doing all the work in the relationship, I am pleased to give it to you now.

DEAR ABBY: I have socialized with a group of women for the past 20 years. Our connection has always been our children. Now the children are grown and gone, one woman in our group keeps trying to include spouses each time we get together.

My husband works long hours. He doesn't enjoy being with these men, and he doesn't want to go on these outings. I have sympathized with him because I don't like the changes either. I'd prefer these events stay girlfriends-only. I have gone solo a few times and stayed away a few times. But my friends are commenting now, and I feel stuck and uncomfortable. Do you have any suggestions? -- NO FAN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NO FAN: Yes, be honest. Level with your women friends and say you prefer socializing with them without the husbands. You are entitled to your feelings, and you do not have to elaborate further.