DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my 40s. All my life I wanted nothing more than to get married and have a beautiful child. I have been in two relationships -- one for nine years and the other for 11 years.

I suppose it's unusual for a man to long for a child. My baby days are about over, yet I still long for one. I have adult stepchildren and grandchildren. We even fostered four children for two years. I love them all, yet I still feel so empty.

On top of it, my mother constantly says, "I wish you would make me a grandmother." I tell her my stepkids are her grandchildren, but she insists on grieving that I don't have a biological child. I am not able to, and I have explained it to her.

My wife tries to understand my pain but just can't. It causes distance between us, and she shuts down. How can I forget about these desires and move on with life? -- DADDY ISSUES IN INDIANA

DEAR DADDY ISSUES: I'm glad you reached out for guidance. Wanting biological children is a normal human desire, and it isn't limited to just one gender.

Some sessions with a mental health professional may not be able to make you forget your lifelong wish to be a biological father, but therapy could help you to move on with your life and past the pain you are feeling. With the help of your therapist, perhaps you can help your mother understand that venting her frustration over your inability to produce the grandchild of her dreams has been excruciating, and you need her to stop once and for all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about a friend of mine. When she was a child, her parents tried to raise her to be neat, but her bedroom, closets and bathroom were always a mess. Now that she has a home of her own and is married with kids, she's still the same. Clothing and towels are piled so deep on the floor you can't see it.

She has a housekeeper, and before the woman comes over to clean, my friend picks the stuff up. I don't know how they can tell what's clean or dirty when it has been walked on all week. The rest of the house is OK, but as you walk in the door, shoes are thrown here and there, like, "I'm home now. I'm free. Let it go. No rules." Her teenage daughter is now modeling the same behavior.

Is this some kind of disorder? To me, it would be just as easy to dump things into a hamper, on a shelf or in a drawer. Her husband is neat, and so is her son. I love her and it's none of my business, but is my way the wrong way? Am I the one with a disorder? -- ORDERLY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ORDERLY: Your friend may have refused to be neat as a form of rebellion against her parents who, according to you, did not enforce the rules they set for her. It's not surprising the daughter is imitating her mother, which may come back to haunt her in a few years.

But none of you have a disorder. I do have a suggestion for you, however. Quit obsessing about your friend's sloppy household and parenting because there is nothing you can do about it.

TO MY READERS: I am wishing you a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an online invitation to a New Year's Eve party at the home of a dear cousin. Having not heard from her in a while, I decided to call her to express our delight at having been invited and let her know we might be able to come. (They live 350 miles away, but we plan to be in their town earlier that week and could potentially stay a few days longer and go to the party.)

Well, when I called, she told me that our having been included on the e-vite was a mistake! She said there must have been a mix-up because my email address is similar to a friend of hers who is invited.

Although she then said we were welcome to come, we declined saying, "Thank you for your flexibility given the awkward circumstance. Forgive us, but I think we'll stick to our original plan to come back north around Dec. 28."

Could this have been handled better? It has put a strain on an otherwise lovely relationship. -- EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your dear cousin was clearly caught flat-footed by your phone call, but she should not have blurted out that your invitation was a mistake, although she did try to clean it up by telling you you were welcome to come.

I don't blame you for telling her you would stick to your original plan because I doubt you would have felt comfortable had you chosen to attend. The way to handle this going forward would be to make a New Year's resolution to forgive her for the breach of etiquette, not allow it to create a rift in your relationship and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a school. There's this woman here I would like to know. She's 21; I'm 24. I do maintenance and janitorial work. She's a professional. I wrote her a note wishing her and her family well for the holidays. She texted me once, thanking me for the note and wishing me happy holidays, too.

I want more communication. I'm not sure if she's nervous and doesn't know what to say. She seems like an incredible person, and I'd hate to pass up the opportunity to know her better. What's your take on this? -- HER FUTURE FRIEND? IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FRIEND: Because you both work at the same school there could be rules against fraternization or even sexual harassment that could put your job in jeopardy if you do what you have in mind, however innocent it may be. That's why I don't recommend it. Appreciate the opportunity to work with pleasant, wonderful, "incredible" people, but leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: I am an estate planner who would like to say that folks who don't believe in writing thank-you letters have no idea how much they may have lost by not sending those little notes of gratitude. I am talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars that have not gone to people who failed to pen a note and buy a stamp.

Many of my clients who are grandparents tell me they are leaving nothing to the "children" who never thanked them. They say the ingrates deserve what they'll be getting, which is nothing. -- PATRICIA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR PATRICIA: I'm printing your letter verbatim. A word to the wise, folks ... Happy holidays!

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 40 years old and a lousy conversationalist. She will answer questions, but her conversation always turns to herself and her narrow, specific interests. She never asks me (or others) about ourselves, and when she starts talking about herself, there's no stopping her. She seems to need to dominate every conversation.

She has always been this way, and I think it's partly because she's anxious. She was bullied as a child, and I think that contributes as well. When she was little, her dad and I talked about it, but he's very hands-off and didn't want to address it. Because of that, her style never changed, and I now think we made a mistake. Can you suggest a way I could help her, even now, to become better at conversation? -- SMOOTH TALKER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TALKER: You are well-meaning, but there is little you can do to turn your daughter into a better conversationalist. From your description, she may be deeply insecure. However, until she realizes that her coping mechanism is driving others away, your suggestions will be met with denial and ignored. The most helpful thing you could say, if she asks for advice, would be that she needs unbiased guidance, which she can find by scheduling some time with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please ask your readers NOT to open doors for toddlers? Since I became a parent and my son has learned to walk, I have been amazed at how many people will open the door in a store or supermarket to let him outside. I guarantee you, my son is safer inside the store than alone and unsupervised outside. While he may stand at the door wanting to go outside, he does not know what is best for him, and chances are I'm still inside the store.

Abby, please remind your readers that although a child may be standing alone at the door, the parents are typically no more than 10 or 15 feet away. If they wanted him to go outside, they would open the door for him. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT OF A TODDLER

DEAR PARENT: As requested, I'm printing your letter. However, when parents take small children shopping, they should be extra careful about keeping them close and in their line of sight. Another concern is, toddlers have been known to destroy displays of cans, bottles and boxes, and get underfoot, which creates a hazard for other shoppers.

It isn't always a "helpful" shopper who allows the little ones to exit. Sometimes the doors swing open automatically. It might be safer for all concerned if the little ones are kept securely fastened in the cart or a stroller.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years has an offensive eating habit. When finishing his meal, he takes the plate or bowl, puts it to his mouth as one would a drinking glass, and shovels the remains into his mouth. As he does it he makes little sucking movements with his lips like an animal lapping food from a bowl. I find it revolting, but how can I address it without offending him? -- ANNOYED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ANNOYED: Offending him? Try this: Say it in PLAIN ENGLISH! (Or just feed him sandwiches.)