DEAR ABBY: We need some advice. Recently we hosted our annual holiday party and invited all of our neighbors and friends. Our invitation stated that the party would run between 5 and 11:30 so our guests could also attend other parties that might be going on at the same time.

As our party was winding down, it was noticed that one of our guests -- who had been at a previous party -- had wet themselves on our sofa and covered the spot up with throw pillows. We served wine, punch, etc. at our party, but this couple arrived pretty tipsy already. In the future, should we just not invite these neighbors? We are very distressed about this. What do you suggest? -- OOPS! IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OOPS!: The guilty party should have owned up to what happened and offered to pay for having your couch professionally cleaned rather than try to cover it up. If you are 100 percent sure it was one particular couple, not inviting them to more gatherings would absolutely guarantee that it won't happen again.

P.S. Covering your furniture in waterproof slipcovers when you entertain a crowd may be something you might want to consider in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a boarding school student, and I absolutely hate it here! I worked hard to get in, and I realize how lucky I am to have been accepted, but I just want to go home and go to school at my public high school with all of my friends and my brother. My friends understand, but my parents think I'm over-exaggerating. I am sad all the time, and I cry at least once a day. How do I approach this to help my parents understand? -- AWAY FROM EVERYTHING

DEAR AWAY: You stated that you worked hard to get into this school, but you miss being with your friends back home. The quality of education you are now receiving will prove very important when you are getting ready for college. It's possible that with some help you can make new friends at this school. Stop crying alone and talk about your feelings with a trusted teacher or administrator. I'm sure it won't be the first time the person has heard something like this, and the input you receive could prove helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a job that requires I call several businesspeople each day. Often I need to leave a voicemail message. It has become more and more common for voicemail greetings to say, "I will call you back at my earliest convenience." I find this very off-putting and rude, as if my call is an intrusion and they will call back "whenever." I think the word "convenience" is best used when offering it to someone else, as in, "Call me at your earliest convenience." I always try to return phone calls promptly, whether it's convenient or not. Am I just old-fashioned or what? -- NOT SO CONVENIENT IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR NOT SO: The individuals you are calling have the right to put any message they wish on their voicemail greeting. He or she may be on another business call or away from the office. The voicemail message is not being addressed to you personally.

You are old-fashioned. You also appear to be overly sensitive, and I think, for your own sake, you should get over it.

DEAR READERS: The departments of psychiatry and medicine at Tufts Medical Center want to learn more about the impact caregiving has on family members and friends of people who have been diagnosed with depression or other illnesses.

Because family members and friends play a large part in providing care while also balancing jobs and other responsibilities, the physicians and research scientists at Tufts are asking you, my readers, to share the impact caregiving has on different aspects of your life, including your ability to work and your health and well-being. This information will be used to improve services to caregivers and the people they support.

You may be eligible to participate if you are a:

-- caregiver for a relative or friend with depression or other illnesses,

-- person who has depression that has not improved with treatment,

-- person who is employed and not involved in caregiving.

If you are interested in participating in this important study, please visit bewellatwork.org/NCS/. Participation in this study is voluntary and anonymous. It involves answering a brief set of questions and, if you are eligible to participate, completing an anonymous survey. The entire study is conducted on the internet and is completely private. In the past, readers have generously helped by sharing your experiences, and I hope you will do so again.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I are happily awaiting our baby's arrival. I am fretting over something I need some help figuring out. My mother-in-law is a serious smoker. She smokes in her home, in her car and right before getting into anyone's car or leaving home. She reeks of smoke all the time.

I do not want my baby around a smoker, but of course, I want our baby to bond with Grandma. She's oblivious to the dangers of second- and third-hand smoke and laughs it off. My husband says we can't make her stop smoking, and he doesn't want to talk with her about it. I am adamant about our baby having a smoke-free environment. What do I do? -- PROTECTIVE FUTURE MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: Your tobacco-addicted mother-in-law is not going to quit smoking. Your husband doesn't want to talk to his mother about it because he knows it will go nowhere. That leaves you.

Unfortunately, your child is going to have to live in a world in which there are people who smoke. While you may be able to minimize his/her exposure, you cannot guarantee that from childhood to adulthood your child's environment will be entirely smoke-free. Because you are adamant -- for good reason -- about your baby having a smoke-free environment, you will have to insist, with your husband present, that Grandma bond with her grandchild in your home or some other smoke-free environment. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years. The last time my husband and I have been out of the house together was last summer. No movies, dinners, festivals, etc. I finally gave up suggesting things to do.

My husband says I'm the one who feels the need to go out once a week or take an annual vacation. It hurts knowing he goes out to eat with his buddies on his lunch breaks at work. I have said as much, but we still don't go anywhere on the weekends, and he still goes out to eat with his friends. What do you make of this? -- PRISONER IN OHIO

DEAR PRISONER: It appears you married a man who is selfish and self-centered. He has a social life -- his daily lunches with his buddies. Was he always like this?

You should enjoy dinners out and movies, too, but you may have to do those things with friends instead of your homebody spouse. If you have a job and income of your own, do not sit at home feeling deprived. If you don't have a job, it's time to find one. When you do, it will help you feel better about yourself and less isolated.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a woman for two years. She has been battling drug addiction during the entire time we have been together. I have made a few serious mistakes, and she blames me for her situation now.

She moved in with me, and I make all the money between us. She refuses to get a job and spends most of my money getting high. I thought she wanted treatment, but she resists getting help. We love each other, but I don't know whether I should move on and leave her behind. What do you suggest? -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Unless the serious mistakes you made involved hooking your girlfriend on drugs, you are not responsible for her addiction. Because you provide the money that feeds her habit, you have become her enabler. The longer you continue, the longer she will keep using.

What you need to do is find the nearest chapter of Nar-Anon and attend some of the meetings. It's a 12-step program created for friends and families of people who suffer from addictions. You can find the nearest meeting at nar-anon.org. Please don't put it off. You will find emotional support there, and if necessary, enough insight to understand whether you can continue with things as they are, or let her go.

DEAR ABBY: What's the best way to gain the attention of a stranger who is blind? With a sighted person I would make sure I caught his/her eye before speaking. I tried a straightforward "Excuse me, sir," but we were in a public place, and he didn't realize I was talking directly to him. I ended up tapping him on the shoulder, but in general I think it's rude to touch strangers, and he jumped a foot. Is there a better solution? -- POLITE IN THE EAST

DEAR POLITE: Yes, there is. One should never touch or grab a sightless person. According to the National Federation of the Blind, what you should have done was to have repeated "Excuse me, sir," and identified yourself from a short distance away -- preferably directly in front of him -- to avoid startling him.