DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of four (soon to be five) young children. It is exhausting. My husband helps as much as he can, but sometimes we both need a break. My parents offer to watch the kids. The problem is, my parents and I have opposite political and world views. Sometimes they'll say things to my children like, "You're such a ditzy girl, you better find a good husband!" Or call a former president "the devil." My husband and I have VERY different opinions than they do, and we worry about their influence on our children. But, honestly, sometimes we need their help. I don't think they can keep their opinions to themselves, but I don't want them anywhere near my kids, either. Is it hypocritical to accept their help? -- DIFFERENT VIEWS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DIFFERENT: Because you need their help and they are willing to babysit "the grands," I don't consider accepting it the least bit hypocritical. Your children are too young to know any former presidents, and are not likely to place any importance on what your parents say about them.

I do, however, take issue with planting the idea in a little girl's head that she is a "ditz" and that her only goal in life should be to marry anyone. Your daughter is growing up in a very different world than the one your mother was raised in. These days, girls are expected to follow their own path, get an education, work and become independent. Marriage, if it happens, comes later.

You and your husband should tell your children (in an age-appropriate way) that their grandparents love them, but have different ideas about things than Mommy and Daddy do. Then reinforce that they are smart, honest, good and any other virtues you would like to implant in their little heads.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a man from an affluent family. I love my in-laws and enjoy hosting dinners for them. My gay brother-in-law, "Karl" -- who is my favorite person in the group -- is seeing a guy, "Warren," who is 30 years younger. Their relationship is on and off. Warren usually shows up when it's convenient or when he wants money.

My problem is, when I invite the family, Karl always asks if he can bring his boyfriend. Each time Warren shows up, I become anxious because he has no social graces. At all. He cuts people off at the buffet line, picks through pieces of meat on the serving platter looking for the "best" cut and acts like he hasn't eaten for days. I want to continue inviting Karl, so should I be honest and say, "Please do not bring your boyfriend," or stop hosting family dinners? -- ANXIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANXIOUS: If you invite Karl and tell him not to bring Warren, the chances are he will refuse your future invitations. What you might do, however, is mention to him that his boyfriend's social graces could use some "polishing," and note what he does at the buffet. It's possible that he "acts like he hasn't eaten for days" because you are such a terrific cook he can't keep himself from scarfing. Or maybe it has been a while since he's had a square meal.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Carolyn" since grammar school. We are in our early 40s now. She's married; I'm divorced. Two years after my divorce, she introduced me to a nice man I'll call "Don." Don and I have grown closer. He recently told Carolyn how he feels about me and that he wants to marry me.

After he told her, Carolyn started sending him messages letting him know that she is attracted to him. She even told him some confidential things about me that I shared only with her. Don has shown me the messages she sent and told her he feels uncomfortable about her coming on to him. She dismissed it as "joking." I plan to spend the rest of my life with Don. I feel betrayed and hurt by Carolyn's actions. Should I end our friendship? -- BOTHERED IN OHIO

DEAR BOTHERED: Your friendship with Carolyn ended when she not only put the moves on your boyfriend, but also tried to sabotage your romance by revealing things you had confided to her. What she did was no joke. I see no reason for a confrontation, but you and Don should distance yourselves from Carolyn.

DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with a brain tumor six months ago. All of my friends and co-workers know. My family does not. I hesitated to tell them because my father was gravely ill (he has since recovered), my sister doesn't like bad news, my daughter had a difficult time with my last brain tumor 10 years ago, and my son is in the military. There is nothing they can do.

I finally have a plan of action from my doctors. I will be having radiation and will hold off on surgery to see if it works. My question is: Should I bring my family in on this? I desperately want to. I know I'd be devastated if another family member kept this kind of information from me. Or would telling them be selfish on my part? I mean, why worry them? -- WAFFLING OUT WEST

DEAR WAFFLING: I'm sorry for your diagnosis. I hope you realize, because you have been around this track before, that you may beat this again. Because you want and need the support of your family, please let them know what has been going on. Doing that is NOT "selfish." If your cancer does not respond to treatment, how do you think they would feel that you had kept the news from them? Tell your father and your children so they can support you through this. As to your ostrich of a sister who "doesn't like bad news," allow her to continue living in ignorance. She would be of little, if any, help to you during this stressful time. I wish you all the best.

DEAR ABBY: I recently invited two couples over for dinner. After the meal, I asked if anyone would like to go for a short boat ride on our lake. One of the couples wanted to go, but the other woman said she didn't want to, so we didn't. What would have been a better way to handle this so that we could have gone? -- SAILING AWAY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SAILING: Boating isn't for everyone. Because she wasn't willing, you could have offered your guest the television remote control and told her the rest of you would be back in 45 minutes if she wished to stay.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, my friend "Maureen" suffered a breakup that emotionally and financially devastated her and moved in with her son and his young family. Since then, she has recovered in both areas.

Maureen inserts herself into every aspect of their lives -- vacations, entertaining, etc. When they go out to eat, she always joins them. Her daughter-in-law, "Eve," has routinely given her hints that it's time to move on. Maureen then goes to her son and tells him what Eve said, and it causes problems in their marriage. After dinner each night, Eve goes into her room, closes the door and stays there.

Maureen is capable of living on her own, but she said she might get lonely and that's why she won't leave. The grandkids are pretty much grown now, and there's no need for Maureen to stay. Her friends have been encouraging her to make a life of her own. Eve and her husband plan to move out of state in 10 years, and Maureen plans on moving with them. I think she is putting her son's marriage at risk for her own selfish reason. Maureen isn't old and infirm. She could possibly meet a nice gentleman if she moved out. All her friends have suggested this. What are your thoughts? -- BYSTANDER IN FLORIDA

DEAR BYSTANDER: If Maureen were unwell or destitute, the situation would be different. She is neither. My thoughts are that until Eve is angry enough to assert herself and tell her husband the current living conditions are intolerable, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had to say goodbye to my precious dog, Wendy Darling. She was a sweet old girl with bad kidneys and severe joint pain. During the last few weeks of her life, she could barely eat, and not at all in the last days. I know in my head that ending her suffering was the right thing to do. I have supported friends and family who helped their pets this way.

It's my heart that is having trouble. I keep thinking that I didn't have the right to make that decision; that life is too precious to deliberately steal even a single day. While her body was declining, her mind and spirit danced, and she looked at me with complete trust. I miss her so much and find myself crying throughout the day. Can you tell me how to reconcile my head and my heart? I have this huge weight on my chest and more than a little bit of guilt. -- MISSING WENDY IN OREGON

DEAR MISSING WENDY: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your precious canine companion. You gave Wendy Darling a wonderful life, filled with love. Dogs were meant to run and play, to love and be loved, not to suffer. I am sure you miss her, but please stop beating yourself up for making a rational decision about what was best for her. If your grief continues to overwhelm you, talk with your veterinarian about joining a grief support group. I am sure he or she will reassure you. Your loss is recent. That you are emotional is understandable. Try to remember that tears are healing.