DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old woman who has been married for three years. We all have a past. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in mine that I foolishly mentioned to my husband when he asked. He is someone who doesn't let go of things easily.

I had a threesome in my early 20s, which I didn't think was a big deal because I was young and experimenting with my sexuality. He's now insisting on my having one with him. He thinks I cheated on him because when we met nine years ago, I was still friends with the people involved. I love him, but I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do? -- CORNERED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR CORNERED: If you're against the idea, you should refuse. And if he persists with his wacky idea, the only "threesome" you should agree to would involve the two of you and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an inmate at the women's prison. My fiance and I have been together for four years and have four little ones under the age of 4. They are with him.

I am getting mad at him for not writing often or sending photos. I realize he's busy taking care of the babies, but am I being selfish to think he should make time for me? -- INMATE MOM IN NEVADA

DEAR MOM: I am glad you asked. I am also glad you recognize the fact that your fiance has his hands full, working to support his family while taking care of the little ones. Because you have more time on your hands than he does, spend some of it writing to him and the children. Tell them how much you love and miss them. Describe your daily activities and your hopes for them. If you do, it may make your bond with them stronger and bring them closer to you until you are released.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 10 years and in our 40s when he passed away three years ago. His wishes were that his ashes be split -- half to me, and half to be buried with his mom in another state. I want to go there by myself and take care of it without notifying his family, so I won't have to go through another "funeral."

I haven't spoken to his family members in that state since the funeral. I did speak with his sister -- once -- during the past year (we live in the same city), when I dropped off some of her family's things that my husband had. Can I just go and take care of it? Must I inform the family? I would much prefer just going to the cemetery and then coming right back home. -- YOUNG WIDOW IN NEW YORK

DEAR YOUNG WIDOW: Contact the owners of the cemetery and ask this question. If your husband's family owns the plot in which their mother is buried, you may need their permission to open her grave and add your husband's ashes. If you do not wish to have "another funeral," it is, of course, your prerogative, but I doubt you can slip this past them.

DEAR ABBY: I have two mothers: my biological mother and Mom, who raised me. I share everything with Mom -- my hopes, dreams, fears and everything in between. My biological mother and I are not as close. We never have been. I don't have a single good childhood memory with her in it.

Lately, my bio mother has been extremely jealous of my relationship with Mom, even though she has never done anything to facilitate the same relationship with me. She's pushy and constantly oversteps boundaries. Because of this, when I found out I was pregnant, I chose not to tell her.

I'm now 36 weeks pregnant, and someone adjacent to my inner circle has informed her of my pregnancy and due date. She contacted my family FUMING about my not telling her, insisting she had a "right" to know. I feel this is her, once again, feeling entitled to my life and trying to treat me as property. I do not feel she is entitled to any details about my life. Am I wrong? -- GUARDED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GUARDED: You are not wrong, and I can see why you are feeling invaded. You are entitled to privacy if you want it. Your birth mother is "entitled" only to those details of your life you are willing to share with her. (When did you intend to share the happy news with her? After the birth?) You may need to distance yourself from the person who gave your birth mother the news if you want to avoid similar breaches in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Anxious About Alcohol in Georgia" (Aug. 30), the teen who was torn between his parents' views on alcohol as he prepares for his first year of college. In Colorado, Georgia and many other states, minors ARE prohibited from possessing and drinking alcohol -- with an important exception. That is, doing it in the presence of and under the supervision of their parents in their home.

I'm not condoning reckless behavior, but when I was growing up, my parents let us try beer and wine at an early age. It was pretty strong, and we didn't like it. We were never encouraged to get drunk or use it in excess. But we learned about it, tasted it and understood the good and bad when dealing with alcohol. I believe this is why my sisters and I never had issues. We have always been responsible, and I'm convinced this is a responsible way to introduce alcohol to a minor.

We gain knowledge through experience. Having that experience in a safe environment with the proper guidance and supervision is a must. Better to learn with a responsible parent than a frat brother you just met. Agree? -- ALLAN IN COLORADO

DEAR ALLAN: Yes, I do. And thank you for pointing out that provision in the law. Many other readers echoed your sentiments about demystifying the allure of alcohol by introducing it in the home under parental supervision. It could prevent some young people from going wild the minute they reach the campus.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 35 years moved out three years ago. We live only a block apart, and I contribute a lot to his household because he's on disability and doesn't have enough money to make it through the month. I have a great job and travel as a photographer. My job is the reason he moved out. According to him, I was "gone too much."

Recently, we have discussed the possibility of divorcing. Although he hasn't done it yet, he has expressed interest in dating a man. But then he pulls me back in with the "I love you, and can't live without you" stuff. I don't know what to do. He is hostile when I'm away at work and constantly accuses me of cheating. I am at a loss. Please help. -- IN A FIX IN ALABAMA

DEAR IN A FIX: If your estranged husband is expressing interest in dating another man, the chances are pretty good that he has already given it a try. Another tip-off is the fact that he is "constantly" accusing you of cheating. There's an old French saying that translates to something like this: "A man doesn't look behind the door unless he has stood there himself." Talk to an attorney and find out what the legal grounds for divorce are in the great state of Alabama. Adultery and desertion may be two of them, which means you might qualify.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a thoughtful, kind person and an excellent partner. Raised in the South, we were both taught to call people "ma'am" and "sir." Instead of reserving these terms only for older or more distinguished people, he uses them with everyone, including when speaking to our peers (we are in our early 40s). I have noticed that it's off-putting to some of my female friends when he refers to them as "Ms. (first name)" or "ma'am." They feel he's calling them old compared to himself, which I know is not his intention.

I've mentioned this to him a few times, but it's a habit he is finding hard to break. I don't want to hurt his feelings by constantly harping on something that seems insignificant, but I also want him to stop being quite so polite. Have you any advice for getting around this? -- MANNERED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MANNERED: Yes, I do. I'm advising you to stand by your man and straighten out your overly sensitive female friends. Assure them that this is the way both of you were raised, and the nicety is regional. It would be better than nagging your husband about it because he is doing nothing wrong by using those formalities.

DEAR ABBY: "Adam" and "Amanda" are dating. It is OK for Amanda to braid the long hair of her single, heterosexual male friend, "Adonis"? Or is she crossing a line in her relationship? -- JUST WONDERING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If Adam doesn't like Amanda braiding Adonis' locks, he has a mouth and can use it to tell her to cut it out. Unless you are Adam, Adonis or Amanda, stay out of it and resist the urge to weigh in.