DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I started dating a widower. He is a really great guy, and he seems perfect for me. I'm divorced, and my adult children live in other states. We have many shared interests and have a lot of fun together.

I noticed early on that he is very emotional, but occasionally, he seems to have manic episodes where he works himself nearly to death, doesn't eat or sleep much and then abruptly leaves. When we talk afterward, he picks on me for really trivial -- or untrue -- things. I know bipolar disorder isn't simple to diagnose, and I don't think this issue has ever come up with him. I just wonder if this relationship has a chance.

His first marriage ended in divorce, and his children want nothing to do with him. Evidently, his second marriage was good, but she died last year. His youngest son is in college. My self-esteem isn't tied to this. I enjoy his company 95% of the time, and I think I love him. I don't plan to ever remarry and neither does he. I don't think he is dangerous, but I am a no-drama type, so I'm wondering if I should let him go, even though it would be hard to do. -- SEEING SIGNS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SEEING SIGNS: If what you have written is accurate, you have seen this man only during his "highs" -- but not during his lows. Because bipolar illness can be treated, if the person is willing to admit they "may" have a problem, it would be wise to discuss this with him when he's in a normal phase and suggest that he be screened. If he refuses, then might be the time to rationally (rather than emotionally) decide whether to let him go.

DEAR ABBY: I have two beautiful daughters from a previous marriage. My ex and I get along well (better as friends than partners) and do things as often as possible with the girls, which includes travel. We usually take one to two trips a year. The girls love it, and so do we.

I am now remarried. My wife has a hard time with the traveling, and we have had many fights about it. She would like both families to travel together, but my girls don't want that. My ex's mom has just booked a trip to Hawaii and is willing to pay for me to go. My wife said absolutely not because Hawaii is such a paradise.

I'm torn because these trips are the only real quality time I have with the girls. There is absolutely nothing going on between my ex and me. The girls would rather travel with their mom than anyone else. What should I do? -- PACKED AND READY

DEAR PACKED: How long have you been remarried? And how old are your girls? Although they may enjoy the fantasy of their parents being a happy family, that is all it is -- a fantasy.

It's wonderful that you and your ex-wife enjoy an amicable relationship, but the time has come for you to stand up for the woman to whom you are presently married. She should have been welcomed on those trips right after the two of you made it official, and you should have made that clear. I don't blame your wife for being upset at this point. I would be, too. You should encourage your wife to come, too -- and devote some time to being with her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old divorced father of three. Two of them I share with my ex-wife. We were married for 14 years and have been divorced for 10 years now. Our marriage started falling apart when I became addicted to prescription pain medication. I was using for a couple of years, but I'm sober now.

Our divorce was amicable, and I think we still maintain a great friendship. We call each other occasionally and talk about things other than the kids. After our divorce we both dated and moved in with other people. I am currently single; she's still in a relationship. She recently called and asked me for advice because she's not happy in her current relationship.

I have never stopped loving her, but I don't want to take advantage of her present situation. My kids know how I feel and so do my friends, so she probably does, too. Would it be wrong of me to try to rekindle what we once had, even if there's the slightest chance of she and her current partner working through their issues? I'm not sure she feels the same way about me as I do her. -- TORN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TORN: When your ex-wife called to tell you things aren't going well between her and her current partner, she opened the door to you doing what you are contemplating. If they are not married, you have every right to tell her you have never stopped loving her and ask if she might have similar feelings. If she doesn't, it would be better for you to know that. But if her answer is yes, it would be worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I always planned on retiring to Florida. Our son, who is married with children, has been diagnosed with a slow-progressing but deadly disease. My husband still wants to move, but now I am not sure. Our son said we should live our life because we worked hard to retire and should go. I don't know if I could be happy that far away from him and his family now. Please advise. -- HESITANT GRANDMA IN OHIO

DEAR HESITANT GRANDMA: I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing regarding your son's diagnosis. Your husband wants to make the move, and your son has told you he does not want you to change your plans. If it's financially feasible, it might make sense for you and your husband to rent a place in Florida for a year and, depending upon how well your son is doing, decide later if you want to make it permanent. Perhaps your husband could go ahead without you if you choose to stay behind.

DEAR ABBY: I have just moved into a room in a shared house. I like the location and my three roommates. In the course of my interview, the screening process to see if I'd be a good fit for the house, I neglected to mention that I have a girlfriend. Naturally, I'd like to have her see the place, meet my roommates and sleep over, but I also don't want to ruffle any feathers or be premature in having company over. When would be an appropriate time to have this discussion with them? -- PONDERING IN THE PRESIDIO

DEAR PONDERING: If you want a good relationship with your roommates, NOW would be a good time to raise the subject. If you do, you may be pleasantly surprised to find they have no objection. If they did, they should have mentioned something during your interview.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 41 years, married for 30, but we lived together for five years before we tied the knot. I have just learned he has a son who is two months younger than our son. The mother is a woman he slept with while I was pregnant with our first child. She put the baby up for adoption, and the young man has just reached out to my daughter. My husband claims he didn't find out about the child until after he was relinquished, and he didn't believe the woman ever really gave birth.

I am devastated. I feel like my entire marriage to him has been a lie. He says after we were married 31 years ago, he never cheated on me, and I should move past it. What do you think I should do? -- UNABLE TO LET IT GO

DEAR UNABLE: You have my sympathy. I agree with your husband that you need to move past this, but that doesn't mean you should forget it. Solid marriages are based on trust, and yours has understandably been shattered.

If his behavior since your wedding has been as exemplary as he claims, you should be able to review his financial records and see where the marital assets have been going. He should also be willing to discuss this in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he is unwilling to do this, it is another red flag, and you should consider consulting a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I've been Christian all my life. When I married my husband 22 years ago, he was too. We raised our kids in the same faith. Well, he has recently decided he will no longer practice Christianity. I never would have married someone outside my faith. How do I continue in this marriage? -- FAITHFUL IN OREGON

DEAR FAITHFUL: I am sure this has been upsetting for you, and you have my sympathy. I would hope that your husband's recent change of mind is something you have discussed with him, because he may have his reasons for it. Because of your own deep religious beliefs, this may be something to discuss with your religious adviser. Some couples in these circumstances adopt a "live and let live" attitude, which means you follow your Christian path and allow your husband to follow his.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law emailed me Christmas lists for my niece and nephew. Abby, I didn't ask for them, nor did I request gift ideas for her children. In fact, I haven't seen my sister-in-law in more than six months. Of course I will be giving gifts to both my nephew and niece, but I think it was awfully presumptuous of her to just send a link via email. How can I respond to this in the future? Should I just let it go? Am I wrong in thinking that it was poor etiquette on her part? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your sister-in-law may have been trying to be helpful, but I agree that what she did was presumptuous. Handle it by sending gifts of your own choosing to your niece and nephew. If you receive any more links of that nature in the future, do the same thing.