Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. We don't live together but we see each other every other day. Recently we had an argument about him following girls who show their butts on Instagram. This is not the first time I have asked him to delete the pictures; it's the third, actually.

Every time I call him on it, he claims he just scrolls through them, but he gets mad at the same time or insists he doesn't pay any attention to them. He promises to unfollow them but never does. I also feel really insecure because when we first started seeing each other, he made a comment about wanting to pay to get my butt enhanced. What should I do? -- BOTHERED BY BUTTS

DEAR BOTHERED: Perhaps you should spend less time looking at his cellphone. If your boyfriend is caring, faithful and treats you well, you may have to learn to deal with your insecurity. Many men look at pictures on the internet and it's not a threat to their relationships.

That said, however, if your boyfriend's ideal woman is one with a prominent posterior, you may not be The One for him. And regarding his comment about having yours enlarged -- of course, that would be your choice, not his, so don't be coerced. And, please, be aware that unless cosmetic surgery is done by a board-certified physician, the results can be unfortunate. It's also very expensive and the procedure is not "minor" surgery.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years and have two little boys. Since we were young we have wanted tattoos, but we couldn't afford them and I couldn't decide what kind I wanted. Recently, the subject came up again, and I decided I'd get one that symbolizes my motherhood.

At first, my husband seemed all for it, but then he started joking about where his name would go on it. I responded that his name would never be part of my tattoo because it would be about being a MOM. I also said I don't plan to get a tattoo of him because, although I know we'll grow old together, if something happened to him, I'd be stuck with it forever.

He was hurt by that remark and now thinks I'm questioning our future together. Mind you, his tattoo has nothing to do with me or our kids, and I'd never ask him to do that. Now he's pushing me to "honor him" in a tattoo. I still feel strongly about the "mother" ink being my one and only. Should I add his name, or is a tattoo not the best route? -- FEELING GUILTY IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: What is driving your husband's "push" was the foolish comment you made that you would feel "stuck" (pun intended?) if he died and you had to wear his name forever. I would hope that you "honor" your husband every day of your marriage and vice versa.

Someone's name inked on your anatomy is no guarantee a relationship will last -- living examples of which are the many celebrities who have had theirs removed or modified because their romances fizzled. If neither of you has gotten those tattoos yet, it would be better for your marriage if you both end this argument by skipping them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his 40s and permanently disabled from injuries received in a recent automobile accident. He is in pain, on pain medicine 24 hours a day and basically sleeps his days away. His pain and immobility make intimacy impossible.

He doesn't object when I go out with friends or participate in activities he is unable to do, like hiking, biking or kayaking, yet I feel guilty for leaving him home alone five days a week, and sometimes the entire weekend. His mother thinks I'm a terrible person for doing this, but I can't just sit home with him after I get home from work because he falls asleep watching TV.

We both know this will be the situation for the rest of our lives. This self-care is very important to my physical and mental well-being, as the financial stress is also overwhelming. How do I continue to live an active life and still be the wife he needs? -- SAD FATE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SAD FATE: If the situation were reversed, is this the way you would like your husband to treat you? This is an honest discussion you should be having with him. I will be frank. Leaving a disabled spouse five days (nights?) a week or for an entire weekend on a regular basis seems excessive.

You promised to love, honor and cherish this man in sickness and in health. Would it be possible to include him on an occasional outing -- if he can handle it -- so he can have some fresh air and a change of scenery? If you must go out to preserve your sanity, it would be compassionate to arrange for someone to stay with him so he's not alone in case there is some kind of emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman of 28. I have started falling in love with a girl I met recently. We talked for a while, expressed feelings for each other and decided to start dating. She lives in Minnesota and I'm in Texas. She's also in college. I think she's 18 or 19. I know our age span is a little wide, but we didn't care about that.

Things were going OK, but recently she's gone quiet and hasn't been talking to me as often. She said she just needs some time to herself and that she's having some second thoughts about all of this. I talked with her about it, and she told me she still loves me and wants me to come visit her, which I'm planning to do soon. It feels like she's got cold feet, and I'm not sure what to do. I love her. I want to make this work between us, but I feel unwanted and unloved. What should I do? -- STARTING TO LOSE FAITH

DEAR STARTING: What you should do is recognize that you and this young woman are in very different places in your lives. You are ready for a serious commitment to someone. She's a college student who isn't yet out of her teens. If she needs time to herself so she can figure out whether she is ready for the kind of relationship you have in mind, give it to her. Do not force it. If that means postponing your visit, so be it.

DEAR ABBY: My two daughters are not speaking to each other. "Amy," the older, claims her sister started it. "Lisa," the younger, claims Amy took Lisa's son out to dinner and never told her. (This happened while he was living with me -- another long story.)

Amy has had us at her house for Christmas for the past seven years. Lisa wants to have Christmas at her home this year. She told her aunt that if I don't go there for Christmas, she will never speak to me again. I have tried hard to get Amy to make up with Lisa. I think Lisa wants things to go back to the way they were. (Amy doesn't know what her sister said to their aunt.)

It feels to me like Lisa is asking me to pick which daughter I love more. How can I handle this without losing a daughter? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Handle this by telling Amy that because you have celebrated Christmas at her home for the last seven years, you will be spending this one with Lisa. And if she gives you an argument, tell her that from now on you will be alternating celebrations with her sister because you do not want to be forced into the position of having to choose one daughter over the other.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 68-year-old man, married for 45 years. I have cheated on my wife for most of them. Am I sorry about it? No.

My wife shut me out of her life 25 years ago. She has her bedroom, and I have mine. Why did I stay with her? We had adopted two babies 30 years ago, and I wanted to give them an education and a good start in life, which is what we did.

How do I treat her? I treat her well, I think. I help her with the housework, keep our home in good condition inside and out, and she has her own car. I take her out for dinner once a week and we go dancing every Saturday night at the club. I'm a moderate drinker and nonsmoker. I bathe four or five times a week. So, tell me, Abby. What's wrong with me? If you decide to print my letter, perhaps I'll have an answer. Thanks, Abby. I enjoy your column very much.

P.S. Would I cheat on my wife if the opportunity presented itself in the future? Darned right I would! -- NO REGRETS

DEAR NO REGRETS: If you are asking me what's wrong with you for staying in your marriage, my answer would be that you did it for three decades for the sake of your children. I would add that since they are now all adults, it may be that you eventually adjusted to the lack of intimacy with your wife, so you substituted women who were available.

However, if you are asking me why your wife shut you out of her life 25 years ago, the only person who can answer that question is her. It may not be too late to ask.