DEAR ABBY: I had an affair with "Harold," a man I was helping. He's 76; I am 52. His wife stays in Florida for extended periods of time. For 34 years I have been married to a man who quit having sex with me because I stopped taking the pill. "Harold" provided me with the attention I needed.

I finally confessed to my husband after I was caught in too many lies. My husband has forgiven me, but I can no longer be friends with Harold or help him anymore. I'm worried about him living alone and needing help. Can I still help him if I have ended the affair? -- WORRIED ABOUT EX-LOVER

DEAR WORRIED: No, not if you value your marriage to the man who has denied you a sex life for the last 34 years. Surely you both must have known there are/were successful methods of birth control besides the pill. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Because the physical aspect of your affair with Harold has ended, there is still an emotional tie that needs to be severed. You won't be able to do this while you are taking care of him. Harold should be told he needs another caregiver, and you need to find a way to satisfy or sublimate your sex drive, because this problem isn't going to go away.

DEAR ABBY: My mom passed away a year ago, and I struggle with it every day. I had promised her I would never put her in any kind of home, but she ended up in one because the hospital placed her there. I feel so guilty for letting her down.

While she was in there, I saw her only once, through a window, but I never got to talk to her. I don't know how to cope with this. Since her death, many family members no longer talk to me. They blame me for it. Abby, I'm the one who was with her 24/7 for years. I'm the one who cooked for her and did her laundry, yet I'm the bad person. Do I need professional help for blaming myself? Please help. -- LOST DAUGHTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. Your relatives are wrong to blame you for her death. Much of what happened to her was because that's what her doctors ordered. You are not a bad daughter. You are a daughter who cared -- and still cares -- about the mother to whom she devoted herself. You took care of her for as long as you could. Talk with a mental health professional about this. You may find it beneficial, if only to help you stop blaming yourself for circumstances that were beyond your control.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed five years ago. I have two grown daughters, and a granddaughter who will turn 21 soon. On her birthday I would like to give her the wedding ring my husband gave to me. Is that being rude to my daughters? -- GRANDMA LOOKING AHEAD

DEAR GRANDMA: I don't think it would be rude. I think it would solve the question of what to do with your wedding ring without creating jealousy between your daughters.

DEAR ABBY: My 52-year-old twin brother -- whom I'm close to -- is getting married soon for the first time. His fiancee, who divorced after 18 years of marriage, is doing all the planning. She has not included me or my kids (my brother's only niece and nephew) so far, nor are we included on the wedding day except as guests at the ceremony and reception.

My brother was a groomsman in my wedding 17 years ago. I feel hurt being excluded and I want to say something, but I don't know what to say or whether I should talk to my brother or his fiancee. And I don't know, at this point, how the kids or I could be included. Any advice would be appreciated. -- ANGUISHED SIS IN ARIZONA

DEAR SIS: This show is being run by your brother's fiancee. She may not be aware he was a groomsman at your wedding, and frankly, I'm not sure what bearing it would have on their own. You and your children should attend your brother's wedding, welcome his bride into the family and have a good time, which should be easy since there will be no responsibility on any of your shoulders.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who loves to make me chicken soup. She brings it over proudly and enjoys giving me the container. The soup is delicious, except for one thing: It has tiny bones in it. I can't stand the texture of these little bones, and I'm worried about swallowing one inadvertently.

I have talked to her about it. She said that's the way her mom used to make chicken soup. She also told me the bones are edible because they're very small, and they are inevitable because she is using the whole chicken. She promised to strain the soup for me before adding the other ingredients. Unfortunately, I found bones in the strained soup as well.

Abby, I don't know what to do. I really don't want to eat the soup. I don't want to waste it, but it would crush her if I told her I didn't want the soup anymore. Any ideas? -- DONE WITH THE SOUP

DEAR DONE: Remove the vegetables from the soup she brings and strain it again, through cheesecloth or a fine strainer. Once you have clear broth, return the veggies to the liquid and enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson and his wife have requested cash gifts for their two children's birthdays and other holidays because "they really don't need more toys at ages 2 and 4." I understand this. What I find peculiar is that they told us they put the maximum amount they are allowed into their kids' college funds each pay period, and when someone gives the kids money, they put that money in instead of their own. Am I wrong in thinking we are giving the gift to them, and not to my grandkids? -- FEELING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF

DEAR FEELING: I don't think you are wrong. But the question is, is this something worth arguing about?

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a joyous, meaningful and safe Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a wonderful man who has a teenage son, "Teddy," from a previous relationship. I have no children of my own. I love them both and have no resentments about or issues with having stepped into the role of stepparent.

My issue is one of my relatives. This person will not stop questioning Teddy's legitimacy. There was infidelity in the prior relationship, and a DNA test was never done. While it's true the boy looks mostly like his mother, everyone else can see his resemblance to my husband -- except this relative. They constantly harp on how they "just don't see it," how Teddy actually looks like a mutual friend, and that I should demand a DNA test or do one on the sly.

I have tried repeatedly to gently and firmly shut this down by stating that I do see the resemblance and that a DNA test at this point would be pointless because Teddy has been his son for over a decade and it will never change, but they still will not stop. I feel like they somehow think they are "helping" by attempting to relieve us of parental duties, but I signed up to be a stepmother.

I don't know what this person is thinking or how to get through to them that this is extremely hurtful and damaging and needs to stop. They are starting to be less subtle about it and will say these things when my husband and stepson are in the next room. Help! -- SAD STEPMOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STEPMOM: Gladly! Warn this toxic relative that if they mention this subject again, they will no longer be welcome in your home. And if the person persists in trying to cause doubt and pain, I urge you to follow through!

DEAR ABBY: My question concerns my partner's use of Facebook. He spends much of his time on it. He has it on his desk while he's working, looks at it first thing in the morning and throughout the day when he's home on weekends, and for up to 20 minutes before going to bed. I have told him it makes me feel left out and have asked if he can leave it off for a day, but he refuses. He accuses me of "monitoring" him and says it's not my business and he only does it while not busy with something else. However, he will participate in holiday family dinners or when we are watching a movie two or three times a week.

What do others think or do about their partners spending inordinate amounts of time on FB? He's very dismissive of me and my feelings in many other ways, but this is so devaluing. Should I pack my bags? -- OVER SOCIAL MEDIA

DEAR OVER: Whether your partner is addicted to Facebook (it has happened to others), insensitive or self-centered, I can't opine. But since you mentioned that he's dismissive of your feelings in "many other ways" as well and unwilling to change, explain that you need more attention than he's giving you, and if he cannot compromise, you will be leaving. After that, if nothing changes, act on your ultimatum.