DEAR ABBY: I have a younger sister I love dearly. I respect and admire her. "Elise" is intelligent and talented. She is a minister's wife and a mother to small children. Due to some unfortunate family circumstances when she was young, she has some emotional scars she's trying to overcome. Sometimes at family gatherings she'll "explode" and lash out at whoever triggered her. Her outbursts usually take us all by surprise.

How do we, as siblings who have grown up in the same environment, handle this? We don't think our childhoods so terrible, although we did have some challenges, and our daddy does have narcissistic tendencies. He actually recognizes that and is trying to improve himself. Sometimes we feel she makes mountains out of molehills, but we want to be sensitive to her pain. I'm concerned she'll end up controlling our family gatherings in a negative way if these flare-ups don't stop. What do you think could be done? -- BEFUDDLED BIG SIS

DEAR BIG SIS: What could (and should) be done is an intervention by you and your siblings in which Elise is advised to seek professional help for her explosive anger issues. If she refuses and her behavior continues, let her know you support her but can no longer include her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's personality changes completely when he drinks, and not for the better. He brags, repeats himself and presents in a way that's annoying and embarrassing. His alcohol personality will never change -- it is who he is. He's been like this for the entire 13 years I've been with him.

He drinks two to three times a week, at most, and says I "overreact" to his personality change. He tells me I shouldn't get so frustrated, but I don't want to be around my husband when he drinks. Can you advise me how to live with him when he's drunk? By the way, it doesn't take much for him to get this way -- three beers. Could he be having a reaction to the alcohol? -- FED UP IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR FED UP: That's possible. Some individuals are more sensitive to alcohol than others. Whether it takes three beers or simply sniffing a cork to get your husband loaded, his drinking is causing a problem in your marriage.

It's time for you to locate a chapter of Al-Anon (al-anon.org) and attend some of the meetings. This organization was created decades ago to help the friends and family members of people who have an alcohol problem -- which your husband definitely has. You are far from alone in having this problem, which you will realize once you get there. Please don't wait. Your reaction to his personality change is understandable.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having some hard times in school. I love my teacher, but I have been getting in trouble lately. She is also my coach. What should I do? Should I take her criticism or drop out of the sport and band? HELP!! -- HARD TIMES IN IDAHO

DEAR HARD TIMES: I'm glad you asked. The mature thing to do would be to talk to your teacher and see if you can mend fences. If you enjoy the sport and playing with the band, to do otherwise would only be further punishing yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for eight years. When I met him he was married, but his wife lived in another state. Although he said he loved her, he would visit her only for a week every other month or so. While he was there, instead of concentrating on her he spent most of his time visiting his friends.

He never intended to leave her for me, but she found out about us a year ago and told him she wanted a divorce. It became final a few months ago. He tells me he loves me every day, but he still spends a lot of time with his friends. We used to be together two or three days a week; we are down to one night most weeks, and occasionally two nights.

I don't think he looks forward to our time together the way I do. I'm afraid if I have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about this, he will walk away from our relationship. I am terrified of being alone, so I settle for waiting for my turn.

During the COVID quarantine, we kept to social distancing for several weeks, until I felt we had been isolated long enough that we could be together again. Tonight, he joined some friends for a social gathering, knowing it would compromise what I had worked so hard for so we could be together. Abby, it feels like he cares less for me than for his friends. Am I fighting a losing battle to stay with someone who seems so cavalier about our relationship? -- LEFT OUT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LEFT OUT: Do you not recognize that you have created the very situation you fear the most? You are alone! This man isn't going to give you anything more than you are already getting from him, which is very little. This isn't a losing battle you are fighting; the battle is over. He has made clear where his priorities lie, and they don't include you. If you really want a companion, find someone who is willing to share his life with you to the extent that you are willing to share yours with him. This man isn't the one.

DEAR ABBY: For the past week, my son-in-law has been texting me daily. I don't mind his texting about normal things, but he's either seeking a very close friendship or he is attracted to me. He and my daughter are 22 and very religious. I don't think asking me via text how he looks shirtless now compared to a year ago (he has texted me twice with no shirt on) is appropriate.

There have been other red flags on his side of the conversation, and I have never misled him in any way. Should I confront him via text? Should I tell my daughter? I love her and do not want her to be mad at me. I did nothing wrong. -- ONLY HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR M.I.L.: I believe you. If your son-in-law's texts are suggestive or make you uncomfortable, speak up and tell him -- not your daughter. If he persists in that vein, discuss it with her then. As to his request for a comment on his physique, ask him why he's asking his mother-in-law and not his wife. And follow it up by telling him frankly that you think the question and the photos are inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my late 30s and have been married for seven years. My husband and I have two young children, a beautiful home, good jobs, etc. However, over the last few years, I have lost my attraction to him.

I'm not superficial, but he has gained more than 40 pounds since we met, and he refuses to eat healthy or exercise. He watched me spend countless hours working out to lose all my baby weight. We are rarely intimate anymore, and when we are I do it out of obligation.

I know these things happen, but he seems to be happy. I think if I told him I wanted to leave, he would be floored. Divorced friends of mine who have young children have advised me against it, and say my children's happiness should come before mine. Others say if I'm not happy, the kids won't be happy. I can manage living this life for them, but I feel like I'm too young to cheat myself out of some of my best years. Am I being selfish or smart? -- WEIGHTY SUBJECT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WEIGHTY SUBJECT: Before your marriage deteriorates further, have a frank discussion with your husband. He seems to be happy because he doesn't know what's going on in your head. For reasons that go beyond animal attraction -- including the welfare of his children -- he needs to make some lifestyle changes and get a handle on his health. I am hoping that when you convey the message to him, he will be receptive. If not, please try marriage counseling before you consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 40s. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I keep reading the five-year survival rate is only 28%, and I'm concerned that despite receiving treatment (hormone therapy injections), I don't have many years left. The cancer has been found in my spine and pelvis as well. I am a person of faith, so I'm not afraid of death. I'm just worried about leaving my daughter behind, along with friends and family.

My question is, should I make a will? I live in an apartment and don't have many assets except for some savings. I plan to start a trust, so my daughter will receive that money at the appropriate time. I have never had a reason in the past for a will. I don't know what sorts of things go into a will. I also have a 2-year-old cat, and now I'm worried he will outlive me. I don't want him to have to go back to the Humane Society if I pass on. He's like a child to me, and I only want the best for him. -- MAKING PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

DEAR MAKING PLANS: Because you have financial assets, a daughter and a beloved pet you want to provide for in the event of your death, it's important that you consult an attorney now about any end-of-life documents you need to have in place. You may decide you need more directives than just a will, which will give you peace of mind and guarantee your wishes are carried out.