DEAR ABBY: When my sibling and I were 6 and 10, our parents sat us down and told us they were getting a divorce because Dad had an affair. Mom was, to say the least, incredibly hurt. Her hurt and resentment haven't subsided to this day. Dad has never apologized to her, but he has supported her financially ever since.

Mom has tried therapy, but the minute a therapist upsets her, she stops going. My parents both now live near my sister to help care for her twins. Mom is constantly upset with things Dad does or that he's not friendly enough with her. She says he is nicer to strangers than he is with her.

I don't want to seem insensitive, but they have now been divorced longer than they were married. It's exhausting, and it is starting to feel like we are enabling her. I hate that what happened has defined the last two decades of her life. Is there something I can say to communicate that it's way past time to be over this, but in a nicer way that may be helpful, and maybe won't leave her too much room to tell me I'm victim blaming? -- WHAT'S PAST HAS PASSED

DEAR WHAT'S PAST: I, too, am sorry about what happened to your parents' marriage. That your mother has been unable to move beyond the divorce and quits therapy the minute a therapist says something she doesn't want to hear is very sad -- for her. What you need to understand is that some people cling to their "victimhood" for comfort. It buffers them from having to recognize their own contribution to their failure.

Because you have tried in the past without success to help your mother let go of her bitterness, I'm advising you to stop trying. For your own sake, when she starts complaining about your father, change the subject, end the conversation or tune out. Enabling her isn't helping either of you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a business and work together. He takes care of sales, and I keep the books. I have raised his children, scheduled all appointments and taken care of everyone's needs, including the pets. I also do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc.

I tend to suffer from depression and need at least eight hours of sleep each night. Because of this, I work at the office only four to five hours a day. My husband cannot understand why I don't work eight to 10 hours a day. I get done what needs to be done. Of the many other businesses we've known, the wives are expected to do this. How do I make him understand? -- WORKING ENOUGH IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORKING ENOUGH: From your description of your weekly activities, you are not only living up to normal expectations, but exceeding them. Explain to your husband that people are individuals. Human bodies don't all function alike. If he can't get that through his head, have your doctor explain it to him.

Has he considered what it would cost him to hire someone else to do all the jobs you are doing? Perhaps he should consider that before criticizing and flogging you to do more. Tell him you'll spend an extra hour or so at the office if he agrees to take up some of the slack at home.

P.S. I can understand why you "tend to suffer from depression." You are married to a slave driver.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married, and I'm over-the-moon excited. My grown daughter will be my maid of honor, and I had all my bridesmaids picked out. My sister is the issue. Her new boyfriend (she goes through a lot of them) makes my daughter uncomfortable. He has tried repeatedly to add her to his social media accounts, some of which contain disturbing sexual content.

I told my sister that while I want her in the wedding, my daughter comes first, and he won't be allowed to be around us or to participate. My sister has, predictably, sided with him. She insists I'm unreasonable and that he's a great guy, although she has known him for only three months. Am I wrong? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN TEXAS

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: You are not wrong; you have your priorities in order. If your daughter intuitively feels your sister's boyfriend of three months makes her uncomfortable, her feelings should be respected. Stick to your guns and, if necessary, be prepared to replace your sister in the wedding party.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife struggled through the COVID-19 pandemic. He lost his job. My wife and I supported them through this period by paying their mortgage and most of their living expenses. He has recently started a good, career-oriented job.

However, his wife recently discovered that he has been secretly spending beyond their means for years on "toys," and that unbeknownst to her, he has decimated their savings and accumulated substantial debt. When she confronted him, he said he had a "spending addiction." To top it off, they have a pandemic baby, our granddaughter. We are at our wits' end. What should we do? -- NOT MADE OF MONEY

DEAR NOT MADE: What should you do? Stop opening your wallet. The real question is: What is your son going to do about this? If he's truly addicted to spending beyond his means (people sometimes have been known to attempt to cope with depression by shopping), he needs more help than you can give. If he wants to regain control of his life, he should consider joining Spenders Anonymous (spenders.org) or Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org). Both are 12-step programs for individuals who are in the same situation as your son.

DEAR ABBY: My lifelong friend is bipolar. She refuses to get counseling but does take medication. While I try to be compassionate and encouraging, she has morphed into a complete drama queen. If she has a headache, she is sure it's brain cancer. If she has a hangnail, it will undoubtedly require amputation. She excels at constant whining. I can't just turn my back on her, but sometimes I have had my fill of "poor me." Am I being a horrible friend? -- HAVE MY LIMITS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAVE: No. From your description, your friend is not only bipolar, but also may suffer from hypochondria. Because you find her complaints stressful and aggravating, you have the right to ration your exposure to her behavior.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been together for 18 months. We are both divorced and each have two children. Mine are in college. His are in elementary and middle school. They stay overnight with him on the weekends.

When they are there, I go home and sleep at my place. Over the last few months, Paul has asked me to stay the night when they are there; however, he wants me to sleep on the couch because they sleep in the bed with him. A few weeks ago, he announced, "I'm going to talk to them about you and me sleeping in my bed together and see if they are OK with that." Since then, I have heard nothing, so I continue going to my own place at night.

My questions are: Is it acceptable for children to sleep in the same bed with their parent? And, is it acceptable for children to decide if Paul and I sleep together? -- CONFUSED IN KANSAS

DEAR CONFUSED: The answers to your questions are "Yes," and "No." In some cultures, it is common for families to share the same sleeping accommodations, including a family bed. In our culture, it is less common but not unheard of, particularly with kids much younger than his.

As to your second question, Paul may be uncomfortable raising the subject with his children, or they may have told him they like the status quo and he hasn't communicated that to you. But they are not the ones who should make that decision. As the adult in the family, that privilege should be his. And after 18 months together, you should be comfortable enough to ask him anything.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I had a falling-out with my siblings and my mother. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage. They wanted me to leave, but after seven years of his brainwashing, I was convinced that I was worthless, that no one cared about me but him and that I would end up on the street alone and unable to live without him. My siblings invited me out to visit them and proceeded to browbeat me into leaving him. After three nights of six-hour sessions of being berated and hearing I was a terrible mother for staying with him, it was almost a relief to go home to my husband. At least there I expected it.

Long story short, I haven't spoken to my family in 20 years. I escaped that marriage five years ago, and my mother and I slowly began rebuilding a relationship over Facebook -- I'm in Michigan, and she's in New York. Three months ago, she passed away.

One of my siblings unfriended me and my daughter from my mother's Facebook before they posted that she passed away. I heard the news from one of my friends who was also FB friends with my mother. Someone I know is saying I should reach out to my siblings and try to rebuild a relationship. What are your thoughts? -- LIKE AN ONLY CHILD

DEAR LIKE: That your siblings would unfriend you and your daughter from your mother's Facebook page so you wouldn't know she was gone was cruel, unnecessary and shameful. If you want to reach out to your siblings, by all means do so, but before you do that, please talk with a licensed mental health professional or your religious adviser, if you have one. You have suffered much pain and rejection from your abusive husband, and you may encounter more from your siblings, so before you approach them, be prepared.