DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of three. We grew up in an abusive alcoholic family. I'm considered the "failure" of the family because I don't drink. I graduated from college, work full time, got married and have a pretty stable life.

Both of my younger siblings drink and use drugs, and their lives are in constant turmoil. The youngest sibling has mentioned they will need to move by the end of this month and their current job has not paid them for several weeks. I dread that they will ask to stay at my house soon, which I cannot allow because of the drinking and drug use. I know they will be upset that they can't stay with me. How do I protect my peace without feeling like I'm making my sibling homeless? -- BAD SISTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BAD SISTER: Your reason for not wanting to host your substance-using sibling is sensible. State it kindly and clearly and do not feel guilty about it. You won't be making your sibling homeless. Unless your sibling is friendless, which I doubt, they will find another place to crash, I assure you.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently passed from cancer. He was divorced from Mom, but she helped take care of him and made him happy in his last year of life. I'm having the baby blues (a 2-month-old) and grieving at the same time.

My mother has now announced that she plans to take a vacation with her best friend. I think it's too soon and I told her that. Am I wrong for feeling this way and trying to stop her from going? But at the same time, I know she deserves this vacation. I'm so confused. Please help. -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN ARIZONA

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Allow me to offer my sympathy for the loss of your dad. Considering the recent changes in your life, that you "need" your mother is understandable. However, your mother needing a break at this point is also understandable, so please let her go.

As you should know, your baby blues may be happening because of the abrupt hormonal changes your body is experiencing after the birth of your child. Discuss your emotions with your doctor, because there may be a medical solution for your situation. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: Please don't think I'm misogynistic, but whenever I see females, they're CONSTANTLY talking or scrolling on their cellphones. It seems like it is all they do! They don't seem to be interested in anything except their damned phones. They have no personalities. They have no sex drive. They're not even interested in men! Some even seem to lose their interest in shopping, which we know is a female addiction. It's not cute. It's not normal, and it's not sociable. In fact, it's bizarre and weird. Is there one "halfway" normal female left on this earth, or should I move to another planet? -- READY TO BAIL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR READY: Have you heard that men are from Mars? Your space shuttle departs in 20 minutes. It's a one-way trip. Safe travels ...

P.S. I am not calling you misogynistic, but it will be interesting to see what my readers call you. Stay tuned.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met the love of my life, and I'm planning to leave my life and family in Arkansas and move to California to marry him. He's recently divorced after a 25-year marriage. My problem is that his ex wanted the divorce, but now she wants him back. She knows he has met someone, but she's constantly telling him she wants a "booty call."

They have two grown children, and their daughter is being married soon. His ex is now threatening that if he brings me to the wedding, she will do something crazy. I know he loves me and he talks to her only to keep her calm, but I feel if he doesn't take me to the wedding he will be highly disrespecting me. He still talks to her even though she has said some nasty things about me, which is also hurtful. Am I being too sensitive? -- PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PERPLEXED: When this man's ex tells him she wants a booty call, how does he respond? If he's still sexually involved with her, your odds of success with him are zero. He may talk to her (in spite of her saying nasty things about you) because they have children and possibly grandchildren in common. That he would repeat her less than complimentary comments to you does not say much for his judgment.

Under these circumstances, I don't think you should insist upon attending that wedding. Instead, think carefully about the wisdom of leaving your life and family and relocating unless you have a job waiting and a guaranteed timeline regarding marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My 50-year-old nephew has always used women and was finally caught embezzling $60,000 from one of them. He was arrested and ordered to pay restitution, or he would stay in prison for years. After only two weeks of incarceration, he cried and pleaded with our family and promised he would pay anyone back the money if they would pay his restitution.

My sister was a wreck and came to me. I came up with the money and got a promissory note from my nephew. Long story short, he stuck my sister with every payment. When my sister went bankrupt because of it, I asked if he could at least pay $25 toward what he owed, but he did nothing. My sister finally repaid everything my nephew owed me, and now she expects us all to be one big, happy family.

She has invited me and my husband to come for the holidays, which will include my nephew. I told her I will never again be in the same room with that liar and cheat, so now she's upset with me! Am I making the right choice? He used all of us to get out of jail, never paid anyone back and is still using women. For that I'm supposed to embrace him with open arms? I think it would be condoning his actions. -- UPSET AUNT

DEAR AUNT: I agree with you about that. Your instinctive reaction to keep your sociopathic nephew at arm's length (or even further) is healthy. It's safer to keep people with no ethics at a distance. After what happened, as much as your sister might wish it, you are no longer one big happy family.

DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my husband's sister told him their brother "Brad" had molested her when she was young. She had repressed it until revealing it to a therapist. Brad admitted doing it, but said it was because a parish priest showed him pornography. Brad gave her money to pay for her therapy.

My husband has pretty much dismissed it and remains very close to Brad. I have never been able to look at Brad in the same way, and I prefer to not be around him. My husband wants me to pretend it's in the past and let it go, but I'm having trouble doing that. My aversion to Brad has grown more intense over the years. His sister still has issues, and I believe they stem from his abuse. I don't know what to do. Help, please. -- COMPLICATED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR COMPLICATED: It is probable that the priest who showed Brad the pornography sexually abused him, too. Brad has tried to make amends by paying for his sister's therapy. (I wonder if he had any himself.) I think you should talk to your sister-in-law about this, and take your cues from her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who was diagnosed with skin cancer. She had surgery a few days ago, and she will know within the next two weeks if it is gone. I am devastated. I don't know what to do, to say or how to act.

I check in several times a day with her to ask what I can do. We usually talk about everything, but now she's talking about death and dying. My heart is broken and I tear up when I think about it. I'd like to tell her what I'm feeling and how much I think of her but I don't know how. -- LOST IN THE EAST

DEAR LOST: If you feel you can't get out what you need to communicate to your friend without breaking down, put it in a letter to her. Take your time writing it, and when you're done, put it aside for a day or two, and then reread it before sending or giving it to her. It couldn't do any harm to let her know how much you love and value her, the things you most admire about her and how important she IS (not was) in your life. If she lives decades more, which I sincerely hope, that love letter will be a treasured keepsake.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 60s. When I am approached by people who know me, I can't remember them. It's embarrassing to ask them who they are. I may have worked with them or met them somehow, but although they look familiar, I draw a blank. I have spoken to several friends who have the same problem. I sometimes recognize people I haven't seen for a while and have to remind them who I am. What would be the polite way to ask, "Who are you?" -- DON'T KNOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DON'T KNOW: A polite way to manage it would be to be honest. Simply say, "Forgive me, but I think I'm having a 'senior moment.' Where do we know each other from?" It's effective, and as you stated, you are NOT the only one. It also happens to people who are younger than you.