DEAR ABBY: A decade ago, before my wife and I had children, we were deeply in love with each other. Everything was great in the bedroom and outside. After we had children, my wife did a 180. She's no longer affectionate with me at all.

We barely hold hands, we never hug, and kissing is prohibited except maybe a kiss before bed. We kiss like it's an obligation. There's no touching in our relationship. In the bedroom we used to be more physical and less restrained. I wanted her to be satisfied, without getting more specific. Now, if we are intimate, it's once a month during the summer and maybe twice a month otherwise. She won't allow me to touch parts of her body, and she's physically and emotionally remote.

When I addressed this with her, she informed me that other couples are intimate less frequently than we are. She has let her body go, and doesn't diet or even try to watch her weight, and I'm concerned for her health because she has become obese. If I try to bring these matters up, she flies into a rage. Abby, am I being selfish? -- MISSING THE CLOSENESS

DEAR MISSING: The answer to that question is no. Something has gone radically wrong with your marriage and you have been iced out. Sometimes when children come into the picture, couples "forget" how to be friends and lovers because they are so distracted, tired, etc.

You and your wife need to discuss this in the office of a licensed therapist. If she's unwilling to do that, have some sessions alone so you can find a way to get through to her or figure out whether you want to continue living in "Siberia" until your children become adults.

DEAR ABBY: Our 10-year-old granddaughter has a speech impediment, which is becoming more and more significant. It is clear this is not something she's going to outgrow. She is homeschooled and doesn't attend any sort of speech therapy. Her mom knows it exists and has mentioned the speech issue in passing.

I don't want to offend our daughter, but I also don't want to see this sweet little girl have a problem that is going to be more difficult to fix as she gets older. Is there a diplomatic way to address this? The last thing I want to do is upset our daughter, but I'm really worried about our granddaughter. Your thoughts? -- PLAINLY SPOKEN IN OREGON

DEAR PLAINLY SPOKEN: Getting your granddaughter the help she needs to overcome her speech impediment is more important than worrying about upsetting your daughter by pointing out the obvious. By all means, speak up.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a yearly disagreement. If I offer to take the birthday girl out for lunch, I will be paying the bill. So which of us chooses the restaurant? I say I should get to choose where to host the celebration for which I'm paying. Birthday girl insists she gets to choose where I'm going to take her, since it's her birthday. -- UNSURE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNSURE: The choice of where to take your guest should be yours, not hers. Between you and me, I think she is nervy to suggest otherwise.

DEAR ABBY: My mom divorced my dad more than 20 years ago. She remarried three years ago. She sent my sister and me a text the week of her wedding saying she was keeping the wedding small and only for those she felt would be comfortable there. They eloped midweek with my aunt and uncle standing beside them. The man my mom married makes her happy, which I am glad about.

Her new husband has six adult children with whom they spend a lot of time. Is it odd that we haven't yet met his kids? I understand COVID kept us from having a picnic to meet one another, but there's still no plan for us to meet the family our mom spends most of her time with.

I did say something to her, and she offered to go to counseling. I'm hurt. I feel abandoned, and I'm becoming resentful. Am I just a spoiled adult child? How can I support my mom in her marriage and continue to have a relationship with her without feeling left out? -- PERPLEXED ADULT CHILD

DEAR PERPLEXED: Yes, it is odd that you haven't met your step-siblings. Very odd. Are there any issues between you and your mother that you didn't mention in your letter? That she would offer to go to counseling with you when you told her you felt abandoned indicates that there may be some. It could benefit both of you to talk with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Please don't wait. And, perhaps in the future, instead of waiting to be invited to some sort of meet-and-greet, you should consider issuing the invitation yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married more than 20 years to a very kind man, but the only thing he can talk about is cars and trucks. They are literally his only hobby. He spends most of his free time cleaning, polishing and talking about them. He prioritizes them way above me, and has for most of our married life.

I do think there is a bit of OCD going on here, but he refuses help. We have been to several counselors, but he denies the obsession and we get nowhere. I'm getting older and I'm not sure I can take much more of this. When we occasionally watch a movie, he spends it pointing out the vehicles and has no clue what the movie is about. Traveling was spent pointing out all the vehicles on the road, not the sights.

He retires soon and has zero other interests. I need more in my life, and I'm seriously thinking being alone would be better than listening to car and truck history until my dying day. Please help. -- MORE TO LIFE THAN THAT

DEAR MORE: I agree there is more to life than this. But try explaining that to a car "enthusiast." By now you should have realized that you can't change your husband. You can, however, develop more of your own interests and spend time with like-minded people. The same is true for travel if you join a group. It seems you could use a dose of outside input and intellectual stimulation. Go for it.

DEAR ABBY: I ran into a friend at the chiropractor's, and he persuaded me to change my plans and not go to the movies but to join him on a walk on the beach. We set plans to meet by the beach and, as I was approaching the street corner, I saw him not wait for me but cross the street while he was on his phone.

When I finally caught up with him, he was chatting with a mutual friend. There was nothing urgent about the call, but he stayed on his phone. I asked repeatedly, "Are you really planning to stay on your phone while we're going on this walk?" I know he heard me, and our mutual friend on the phone heard me. He continued to talk, so I turned around and left.

I thought he was extremely rude and I deserve an apology. I also think the person on the phone with him should apologize as well. The thing about this friend is, he never apologizes for anything. What do I do now? -- ALL TALK, NO WALK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALL TALK: The acquaintance who dissuaded you from going to the movie so you could walk together was rude. He made clear that whoever he was on the phone with was more important to him than you are. Because he "never apologizes for anything," do not expect one. Instead, spend your time with people who are socially sensitive, practice basic good manners and who don't waste your time like this one did.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson-in-law talks incessantly. It has cost him jobs and friends. It is often negative and gossipy -- he loves telling about others' foibles and problems. Many folks avoid him, and though it seems he could be a good employee, it doesn't take long before he wears everyone down. He's close to 50 and counts on others to support him. I bite my tongue, but I feel he needs to be confronted -- like maybe 30 years ago! What to do? -- CRINGING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CRINGING: You aren't going to change a 50-year-old compulsive gossip. More important, I think, is what you mentioned about his counting on "others" to support him. I hope it's not your husband. Do not bother confronting him. Recognize your stepson-in-law is on his own path, and he needs to follow it wherever it leads.

DEAR ABBY: I have stopped saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. It's a ridiculous custom that needs to be retired. I do not believe the soul leaves the body when a person sneezes, and I highly doubt anyone else today believes that.

I'm not a Christian, and I don't feel comfortable invoking the blessing of a deity I don't believe in. Some people have criticized me out for staying silent after a sneeze, and I have also been given dirty looks for my silence. Am I being rude for not blessing someone who has sneezed? -- NOT SAYING IT

DEAR NOT SAYING IT: You are not being rude; you are being true to your feelings. If you prefer not to say "God bless you" when someone sneezes, no rule of etiquette decrees that you must. A polite alternative might be to say, "Gesundheit!" -- the translation of which is "good health." Those sentiments never become obsolete.