DEAR ABBY: Since my divorce, I have started dating again. I was seeing a firefighter until I realized he was married with kids. Yes, I was angry with him for hiding the truth from me from the start. Then I started dating another guy I thought was the one for me. I even had him move in with me.

At the beginning things went well, but now he has started to change. He doesn't pay as much attention to me as he did, and he thinks when I point out something I'm not comfortable with that I am trying to start a fight, which I'm not.

Since COVID started and I got injured and haven't been able to work, his attitude has been very off with me. Unless it's all about him or his job, he doesn't talk to me. My kids don't like him as much as they did, either.

I never lost touch with the firefighter. He is deeply in love with me, and I do still love him. He says when I kick the current man out he would move in and take care of me and treat me the way I should be treated. If the firefighter moves in, would that make me a homewrecker? He has told me he and his wife aren't doing well as a couple. I'm confused. I was very happy with him and also happy with the man who moved in with me -- at first -- but no more. What should I do? -- THINKING TWICE

DEAR THINKING TWICE: Neither of these men is "The One." Because it's apparent you aren't getting what you need from the man who is living with you, tell him, as nicely as you can, you are no longer happy with the arrangement, and then set a date for him to move.

If the firefighter moves in, you WILL appear to be a homewrecker. Expect the fallout to be nasty. He is married and has kids for whom he will have to provide until they are adults. He should not move in until he has at least filed for divorce and some kind of legal settlement is in the works. His moving in will not guarantee that life will be bliss from then on. It is very important you learn how to be on your own before jumping into any relationship without knowing the men better -- and longer -- than you have been doing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a married woman in my 50s with two adult children and one grandchild. I work as a nurse. I wear my hair short because I have thick, unruly hair. One day, at a local supermarket, I was walking down the aisles looking for my husband. A man and his wife had a young daughter about 6 years old with them. He called me a slang word for lesbian. I ignored him and continued walking. He looked annoyed that his word didn't bother me. (I am not a confrontational person.)

When I got home, I was thinking about the incident. It bothered me that he was teaching his young daughter that it's OK to call people names. When I see or meet people, I notice if they are kind and show manners, I don't think about whether they're gay or not. Was I right to ignore him and walk away? -- SHORT-HAIRED IN TEXAS

DEAR SHORT-HAIRED: You were absolutely right to keep walking. There was nothing to be gained by trying to educate an ignorant homophobe who appears to have been trying to start a fight. The best reaction you could have given was the one you did -- which was to prevent him getting a rise out of you. But I'm sorry you didn't inform your husband when it happened.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my husband's judgmental and narcissistic stepmom. She wasn't nice to him or his siblings while they were growing up. My hubby recently had a heart attack. After I called to tell his dad and emailed his siblings, she got very upset with me because I didn't give her the details first so she could disseminate the information. She also demanded to visit immediately after his surgery and got nasty with me on the phone when I told her she couldn't come in with Dad because the hospital allowed only two visitors at a time. Now she won't speak to me or answer emails.

This isn't the first time she has done this. She always looks for the worst and gives no grace. You can't discuss anything with her because she gaslights and takes no responsibility. This affects my husband's relationship with his elderly father, whom she poisons with her vitriol, especially regarding his children by his first wife. She does this with the entire family. She even sends nasty emails to her own children. I'm exhausted from all her drama. What do I do? -- EXHAUSTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Don't you think it's time to disengage with this unpleasant, controlling woman? If she won't speak with you or answer your emails, thank your higher power and concentrate on the rest of the family. If they're experiencing the same treatment you are, they, too, may be glad to focus on relationships they find rewarding and let her continue to isolate herself.

You cannot fix what's wrong with her, and it may be too late to help your father-in-law, who has tolerated this for years. If another relative can give him important information about your husband, let that person get the message to him if you can't get past his nightmare of a wife.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a man I'll call "Ken" for six months. We are both widowed. It has been two years for him and three for me. My husband was my childhood sweetheart, and I cherished the ground he walked on. We treated each other like royalty. Ken is a wonderful man who treats me like a queen.

Neither of us wants to live together. I never ask him for anything, but he buys gifts for me and surprises me with them. I love his taste. The problem is, he's falling for me faster than I am for him. He has told me he loves me, but I just can't say it back. I don't know what's keeping me from doing it. Maybe I'm still mourning my husband. What is wrong with me? -- PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PERPLEXED: Nothing is "wrong" with you. Yes, you may still be mourning the loss of your husband and the life you had together. In fact, it may continue to some degree for the rest of your life. Ken sounds like a wonderful man, but after only six months, you two are still getting to know each other. "I love you" implies a commitment you aren't ready to make. Stop second-guessing yourself and let this relationship play out in its own time.

DEAR ABBY: My soon-to-be husband and I are moving back to our hometown in the months prior to our wedding. This is, in part, to make wedding organizing easier since we're having it near home. We have other weddings to attend this season, and we need to reduce our living expenses while we save for a house.

Our original plan was to live with my parents for three or four months, which they have encouraged us to do. The trouble is, as the date approached, I realized that, while I love my mother, her alcoholism and the way she behaves when she drinks is difficult to be around. Actually, it's really traumatic, if I'm being honest.

My other half and I have decided to stay with the parents of a good friend instead. They have a seven-bedroom house and are happy to host us, but I'm afraid of starting a conflict or embarrassing my parents by not living with them again. I'm not sure how to handle this without creating a rift before my wedding. -- PROTECTING MYSELF IN UTAH

DEAR PROTECTING: Talk to your father. Thank him for his generosity and offer of hospitality, and explain the reasons for your decision. While he may be used to your mother's drinking, living with an abusive alcoholic is no way for a young couple to start a marriage. There's enough stress involved in planning a wedding without having to worry about your mother's alcohol-infused shenanigans. If he doesn't recognize the good sense in your and your fiance's decision, proceed with your plans anyway.

If your fiance has seen how your mother behaves when she's under the influence and doesn't want to live under your parents' roof when there is an alternative, he shouldn't have to.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently invited two of our best friends to dinner. As the husband was walking through our front door, he announced, "I have an awful cold, but it's not COVID!" I was so shocked that he would show up on our doorstep with a communicable disease of any kind, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to spoil the evening, but I was seething the whole time, angry at him for exposing us.

We may never invite this couple to our home again, but what should I say if confronted with a similar situation in the future? Am I overreacting? Is it better to get sick for a week than to risk offending someone by asking them to go home, get well and then reschedule? -- TAKING CARE OF MYSELF

DEAR TAKING: If a guest, "good friend" or not, suspects they may have caught a bug, they should call their hosts and reschedule. This goes for the common cold, the flu and viruses that could be life-threatening. And you, as host, have every right to smile and tell your thoughtless friend to leave rather than possibly expose your family to whatever the person is carrying.

DEAR READERS: It's Halloween, a time for fun and fantasy! I hope that any celebrating you do tonight will be creative, fun and safe for everyone involved. Happy Halloween! -- LOVE, ABBY