DEAR ABBY: I have a single friend in her 40s. She has very noticeable vertical lines between her eyes when in animated conversation that detract greatly from her sweet face. She's on a limited income. I'd like to suggest Botox for her, and I'm willing to pay for it with a gift card or cash. Would it be OK to suggest it to her and how would you approach it? -- BEAUTY HELPER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HELPER: While I'm sure you mean well, if you bring this to your friend's attention, you may make her self-conscious. Although Botox treatments can make a positive difference in someone's appearance, they are only temporary. To maintain that "fresh" look, they must be repeated, and unless you plan to pay for her Botox in perpetuity, you shouldn't give her something she can't afford.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for close to a year, and in this short time I've seen a side of my wife I've never seen before. Although I met her during a period of sobriety, she drinks now. The problem is what she does when she drinks. On one occasion, she was supposed to go to the market and return on foot. Instead I found her in a car with a stranger, drinking and high. She claimed it was too cold to walk and she was just trying to keep warm.

On another occasion, she got drunk and had a male friend with whom she'd been intimate in the past pick her and all her belongings up and left me watching her drive away with him. She later called apologizing profusely from a different man's apartment begging me to pick her up. I could go on and on with similar scenarios, but my letter would be too long.

Her latest is when she told me she put a "code" on her phone so I couldn't find out where she had been. (She had really just turned off location sharing on her phone.) She says she loves me with all her heart and there's no one else, but I find it very hard to believe. Am I the world's biggest, dumbest doormat for not divorcing her? (I can't just turn off my love for her.) -- SUCKER OUT WEST

DEAR "SUCKER": If you haven't already contacted your physician, schedule an appointment and be tested for any STDs your wife may have passed along to you after one of her escapades.

This scenario will continue until she comes to the realization that if she doesn't immediately get help for her drinking, her marriage is over. The question is whether she's willing (or able) to give up her addictions to alcohol, whatever other substances she may be sampling, and sex with other men.

Loving her doesn't make you dumb or a doormat. However, sooner or later you must accept that you can't fix what's wrong with her, and you'll have to decide how much more pain you can tolerate. Please accept my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Ready To Bail in New Jersey" (Sept. 1), who was complaining about women being on their phones all the time. Does this man have any idea how much information and communication is shared electronically now? Work emails, school emails, group texts about various kid activities, and even grocery shopping are all done on a phone.

This is 2022. Women have a lot going on in their lives, and we use our phones to accomplish most things. We are not constantly just scrolling through social media. Maybe the women he was referring to are trying to avoid contact with him because of his ridiculous view of women. -- MICHELLE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MICHELLE: I warned "Ready" that my readers would have a lot to say about his letter and whether he is, indeed, a misogynist. Well, you all came through -- in large numbers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: If you start a sentence declaring you're not a misogynist, you probably are one. In that man's case, make that a definite. If I had to endure his company, I'd be on my phone, too, calling an Uber to take me the heck out of there. -- EMILY IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I agree with "Ready," but it's not just women who do this. People of both sexes are constantly on their phones and oblivious to what's going on around them. I'm a mom of three small children, and I love organizing play dates with other parents and kids. Rarely are the other parents interested in chatting for any length of time or watching our kids play. They prefer to take photos for social media and scroll through their phones. I get it -- we're all tired and long for rest time. Still, I do feel that a good conversationalist is hard to find. Sometimes I wish this technology didn't exist. I long for a deeper connection with other humans. -- KASSIE IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: Speaking man-to-man, I would tell "Ready" that he has no real understanding of women. Whether or not he's a misogynist by definition, his view of women is based solely on stereotypes and tropes. Most telling was his statement about "shopping, which is a female addiction." What a ridiculous perception, no different than saying all men are interested only in beer and sex.

My advice to him about finding a mate is to start with the basics. Make sure your appearance is well groomed and your clothes are pressed and clean and fit well. You need to be able to connect as a person. Can you speak intelligently about your work, interests, passions and goals? Can you ask questions about these topics, listen to the answers and engage in a caring conversation? If you can do that, the person is more likely to put down their phone and pay attention to you, all toward the possibility of building a relationship with you. -- BRENT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: I left a manipulative and abusive marriage after 18 years. My parents fully supported my decision. When I became engaged to the wonderful man who is now my husband, my mother and many other family members told me that second weddings were "not important" and I should have just gone to the courthouse.

I had a very small wedding. Even my parents didn't get us a gift. Mom wouldn't help with planning, either (my husband and I paid for everything), and said I didn't deserve gifts for a second wedding. All totaled we received five gifts from 50 guests. I didn't expect anything and was grateful for what we got, but the assumption that this marriage wasn't important because it is my second hurt me very much. Am I wrong for being so deeply hurt? -- HAPPIER NOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HAPPIER: You stated that your first husband was manipulative and abusive. Is that also true about the household in which you were raised? I can understand why you would be hurt and offended by what your mother said. It was cruel, dismissive and unnecessary. In fact, it was so tactless I cannot help but wonder if it was calculated to hurt. If this is typical of her, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship, protect yourself and step back. Remember, your best "revenge" is your happy marriage.

DEAR ABBY: The other night I had to go to the ER for severe knee pain. After being seen and released, I called my son to come and pick me up. It was 11:30 at night. Neither he nor my daughter-in-law answered the phone! The next day, his wife told me they have full-time jobs. (Both work at the hospital.) My grandson said his mom isn't mad at me, but I feel so hurt. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- NO RESPONSE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NO RESPONSE: This unfortunate event should be a lesson for the future. Have a talk with your son and daughter-in-law. The three of you need to come to an understanding about what should happen in the event you have a medical emergency. This includes not only who should provide transportation but also what kind of supervision you might need. You should also have an advance directive in place that includes who should be contacted -- in case you are unable to speak for yourself.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY