Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: For several years, I have gone to a medical specialist I'll call "Eric" for certain issues. Eric's wife, "Nina," and I were very close friends. Our families celebrated holidays and special occasions together. However, over the course of our friendship, Nina shared many details about their personal lives with me. They are now separated.

My knowledge of these details makes me feel very uncomfortable about seeing Eric. I would like to see another doctor in the practice, since all of my records are there. I'm not sure how to ask for another doctor without giving some reason, and I do not want to cast aspersions on Eric professionally. Your advice, please? -- TIME FOR A CHANGE

DEAR TIME: Depending upon the size of the practice, you may not be questioned about why you want to make the change. However, if Eric confronts you, all you have to say is that you prefer to see someone else from now on. Period. If you are questioned further, take your business -- and your records, which belong to you -- to another specialist in a different practice.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, two former classmates bought houses next door to me. I don't mind one of them, but the other, "Evie," is a snippy know-it-all with a sugar daddy boyfriend. She looks down on everyone. In addition to yelling over the fence when they see us outside or on our back deck, they have invited my husband and me to dinner at their house and for happy hour several times. I have made excuses, but I'm running out of them. I have no intention of accepting these invitations. My husband thinks we should "just get it over with" and go, but I'm afraid accepting will just open doors for more. Help! -- NO, THANK YOU, IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NO, THANK YOU: Your husband may mean well, but I agree with you. Do not accept. Continue telling Evie and her boyfriend that you have "other plans" and pray they eventually get the hint.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced man. I'm semi-retired, work four days a week on second shift and have an easy job. I draw Social Security and live comfortably. I love riding my four-wheeler, and go on mountain trips with it. My problem is, people are always telling me I should work more than I do. I paid my dues throughout my life, and it irks me because it feels to me like people can't stand that I have it made and they don't. It takes a lot to hold my tongue. If you please, give me a snappy comeback for these folks. -- SICK OF HEARING IT

DEAR SICK: Resist the urge to flaunt the fact that you have it made and they don't. The snappiest comeback would be to smile and ask, "Why?" If someone is worried about your welfare, assure them you are comfortable with your life the way it is. If their motivation is what you suspect, they may be stumped for an answer to your simple question.

DEAR ABBY: Two and a half years ago we lost my dad, who was 94. He and Mom had been married 72 years. She entered assisted living right before COVID -- with all its difficulties -- set in. We made it through that, we're all vaccinated now and her facility has opened back up.

Mom has met and befriended a similarly aged widower. They eat together, walk, attend activities and enjoy sitting and talking together every day. He always walks her back to her room and nicely bids her a good night. They reach for one another's hands to hold while talking about their departed spouses and are a source of great comfort for each other. I learned about this friendship from facility staff, so I had time to digest it alone before talking with my mother about it.

At first, I was nervous because I did not want her to be hurt. But I quickly realized that this relationship is very good for both of them, as they share similar histories and circumstances.

Mom has recently found out that this man's daughters are upset about their friendship, and she feels badly about it. She says she would never do anything to hurt him. I've told her she needs to give his daughters time to wrap their minds around their friendship. Abby, what can I do to help the daughters build trust in this situation? -- DELICATE SITUATION IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DELICATE SITUATION: Your mother's is not the first romance to blossom in a situation like this, and it won't be the last. What has happened is a blessing, and I hope the man's daughters will come to regard it as one. Reaching out to them isn't a bad idea, if you think it may calm the situation and you can do it without making them more defensive than they already appear to be. The older folks are doing nothing wrong. They have a right to be happy in their remaining years. If there is a religious adviser connected to the assisted living facility, he or she might be able to help you.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a very small town which has only one school. My sister recently returned to attend her 50th class reunion. It was very informal and held in a local tavern. The event was announced on social media, but no formal invitations were sent out.

When my sister spotted a man who had graduated the following year, she approached him and asked, "What are you doing here? You didn't graduate with our class!" He answered that he had participated in sports with a number of the graduates and wanted to see them again.

Considering that the event was casual, held in a public place and that my sister didn't organize the event, send out invitations or act as a hostess, I thought her remark was out of line and mean. She strongly disagrees. What do you think? -- SMALL-TOWN SIS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SIS: Depending upon your sister's tone of voice (and degree of sobriety) when she asked that question, it may have come across as an expression of surprise or curiosity. However, if it was asked in a hostile or accusatory manner, I agree with you that it was out of line and mean.

DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Marie," approached me in the parking lot after church, raising her voice, flailing her arms and saying three people had told her that I told them to stay away from her and her husband. I told Marie it wasn't true, and she and her husband were my friends. She reiterated that three people said it, shaking her hand and holding up three fingers in my face.

When I asked who they were, she wouldn't tell me. I asked her if she would get the three people together at her house because I would like to talk to them in person -- she said no to that request, too. I then stated that we were standing on hallowed ground in the church parking lot, and I was telling her the truth. Again, she insisted she heard differently from three people.

I was very upset to be accused of a total lie and at Marie's refusal to believe me. When I suggested we go inside the church and I would put my hands on Jesus' feet and swear I never said anything about her and her husband, she said she didn't have time.

After I came home from church, I sent a text to the only two friends I had spoken to recently and asked them if I had said anything to them about Marie and her husband. Both replied no. I sent a copy of both texts to Marie so she could read them for herself. I thought it would be another way of showing I am not guilty.

How on Earth can I prove I am not guilty if Marie won't let me talk to the three supposed people or swear on Jesus' feet that I'm not guilty? What should I do? -- ACCUSED IN IDAHO

DEAR ACCUSED: Because this unhappy scenario happened on church property, consider discussing it with your religious adviser. Marie's actions were over the top. Could she have emotional problems you aren't aware of? If members of the congregation are really carrying nasty and disruptive tales after church as she has asserted, your preacher may want to deliver a sermon soon about "bearing false witness." You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: For many years, my wife and I have donated items to charitable agencies. I have been a blood donor for many years. Sometimes, I get a "thank-you" item, such as a T-shirt with words on it indicating that I donated.

I'm not comfortable donating a shirt with such a message. The person who receives it might not be a blood donor. While wearing it, the person might be thanked by someone who sees the shirt. That person wouldn't have the right to "steal the glory" and puff out his chest. It's a shame to trash a shirt. Do you have a suggestion as to what I might do with such an item? -- DONATING IN FLORIDA

DEAR DONATING: Because of your concerns about stolen glory, consider using the T-shirt(s) for house cleaning. However, if you cannot bring yourself to do that, donate the item to a homeless shelter and consider it publicizing a worthy cause that needs more attention.