DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from an individual whose failing, elderly friend made an abrupt change to his will ("Promise Withdrawn in Texas," Aug. 27). Because of the change, the elder's entire estate will go to his live-in caregivers. The writer expressed surprise that the 90-year-old gentleman had reneged on his oft-repeated promise to name the individual in his will.

Your reply to the writer was to speak to the elder and ask why he changed his will. That is reasonable advice, but your answer should also have recommended a referral to the writer's local Adult Protective Services office. Elder exploitation is rampant in the United States. It is not uncommon for caregivers, relatives, and other trusted associates to prey upon elders for financial gain. That may come about in many ways, but social isolation, dependence upon others, failing health and cognitive decline can make elders susceptible to abuse, neglect and exploitation.

Adult Protective Services typically uses trained investigators to detect exploitation and refer crimes to law enforcement. One could reasonably suspect exploitation when a 90-year-old makes a sudden change to a will to exclude a longstanding friend. Reporters may call local law enforcement, their state's Adult Protective Services office or the U.S. Administration on Aging. As you cautioned, there is no time to waste. -- ELDER JUSTICE PROSECUTOR

DEAR PROSECUTOR: Thank you for sharing your insight and expertise regarding the subject of elder abuse. I appreciate it, and I'm sure my readers will as well. People should consider the possibility of exploitation in similar circumstances, which, sadly, may occur more often than we would like to think.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter "Anabelle" is expecting a baby in five months. We would like to be happy and excited for her and her husband except for one issue. She had a falling-out with her parents over planning her wedding, among other things.

Her grandfather, my husband, walked her down the aisle because all parties involved were still angry. Her parents and sister did not attend, although she and her sister have recently made up. I think my son and his wife would also like to reconcile, but Anabelle remains adamant that she doesn't want to see them. As with most families, there's a history of hurt feelings on both sides.

Our problem: Anabelle has asked us not to tell her parents she's expecting. I feel this is wrong, but I am respecting her wishes. I know if I tell them at this late date or if they find out some other way, they will be understandably hurt and angry and may want to "kill the messenger." I feel stuck in the middle of this heartbreaking situation. The worry over it is making me ill. Should I share this news or stay quiet? -- TIED IN KNOTS OUT WEST

DEAR TIED: While the breach in your family is regrettable, news of this pregnancy is not yours to give. If your granddaughter wanted to keep it a secret, she should not have shared it and put you in the middle. If you are wise, you will stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school junior in a predicament. Early in my sophomore year, during a school trip, I developed strong feelings for a girl named "Joelle." She's a grade ahead of me, meaning I don't see her often or have many chances to talk to her during school except for the occasional chance meeting.

Because of our lack of contact, I thought my feelings were subsiding, so I started a relationship with another girl, "Amber." However, shortly after beginning this new relationship, I had a long conversation with Joelle and quickly realized I'm in love with her.

While I still have feelings for Amber, it crushes me not to be with Joelle. To make matters worse, if I end things with Amber, there's no guarantee Joelle would give me a chance -- she's bisexual (but primarily lesbian) and she's close friends with Amber. I don't want to throw away my relationship with Amber over what may amount to a pipe dream, but I really am in love with Joelle. Please help. -- JUMBLED HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR JUMBLED: Amber deserves better than to be involved with a guy who is in love with someone else. Because Joelle is not only "primarily" lesbian but also close friends with Amber, do not pin your hopes on anything but friendship with her. Ever. You have two more years of high school ahead of you. During that time, you are going to meet other attractive young women who will return your feelings. These two aren't that.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in a month. Her fiance is Canadian. We have reserved a block of rooms for guests who are coming from afar. I understand the importance of the groom's mom being here for the ceremony, so when I was told she couldn't afford the hotel, I offered to pay for her room for the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday so she could be here.

My daughter now says his mother is asking for Sunday night, too. I replied that she could reserve it and pay for it herself or request a late checkout on Sunday. I don't have room for her to stay in my home, and I think I am generous to be paying for her hotel stay in the first place, let alone three nights. Is the bride's family obligated to pay for this? -- ASKING FOR TOO MUCH

DEAR ASKING: Are you obligated? Certainly not. It is presumptuous for the groom's mother to expect that you would. If she's unable to pay for the extended accommodations, her son should step up to the plate.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married 25 years. My husband just took up golf and working out at the club. He takes his wedding ring off for both activities, and then he sometimes forgets to put it back on. When we are heading out for dinner or an event, I ask, "Where's your ring?" He then runs back into the house to put it on. What do you make of this? -- PERPLEXED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Depending upon your husband's workout, it's possible that the wedding ring could get in the way or be scratched. It may also interfere with his swing while he's playing golf. It is also possible that he doesn't like wearing a wedding ring. What I make of this is of less importance than what the two of you make of it. It's time for a calm, honest discussion.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years works for a company with 160 employees, 95 miles from our town. He held a party at a restaurant located near the company. I knew no one and doubt very much I will ever run into these people again.

While I was at the party, I met a young woman who, like myself, was there with her boyfriend and didn't know anyone. We chatted for half an hour about the holidays and made general conversation. When she mentioned she had been recently diagnosed with a condition I have, too, I gave her some websites to check out for information and told her not to worry. I also told her that if I can be well and deal with this issue, anyone can. Our conversation lasted about 15 minutes, and I asked no personal questions. When I had to leave the party, she remained sitting by herself and started playing with her phone.

The next day, my boyfriend was angry because upon leaving with her boyfriend, the woman told him, "Your girlfriend kept nagging me about my condition and wouldn't shut up." I was dumbfounded and hurt. I was trying to be nice. Why did my boyfriend tell me? He said nothing to her to defend me. Even worse, what did he accomplish by repeating what she had said? He knew it would make me feel bad. I'll never run into these people again. Am I wrong in feeling hurt? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN THE EAST

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: I am still trying to figure out why someone would tell a stranger at a party her medical status and then take offense if the person tried to be helpful. If what you were saying made her uncomfortable, she should have said it to you, not your boyfriend. You aren't wrong for feeling hurt. However, you are wrong to blame your boyfriend for telling you something he thought you needed to hear. That's what people who love each other do.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have been together for 11 years, living together for seven. He's a Realtor in his hometown. I had a stroke four years ago, which forced me into early retirement. Real estate is a dog-eat-dog occupation. Paychecks are few and far between, so I pay the rent and all the household bills. He pays his personal bills and the costs of doing business as a Realtor.

He is currently broke and doesn't have the money to pay his personal bills. I refuse to pay them. I think he should get a part-time job to pay his own bills, but he refuses. Of course, there will be a backlash, and he'll blame me. He will lose his car, telephone, real estate license, health and car insurance, etc.

I have bailed him out before, but I am no longer willing to do it because I'm running out of what money I had set aside for retirement. He already owes me thousands of dollars in several loans, which I don't expect to recover. What do I do? I don't want to split up or continue to argue over this. -- PLANNING AHEAD

DEAR PLANNING: Your "partner" refuses to look for a part-time job so he can be self-supporting and not dependent on you? Dear lady, you may not want to split up after this amount of time, but your partner is a luxury you can no longer afford. Stop arguing, accept it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: What is a proper tip to leave a server at an all-you-can-eat buffet? They bring water and bus the table, but we get our own food and drinks. They certainly don't work as hard as servers in a sit-down restaurant. -- WONDERING IN THE EAST

DEAR WONDERING: The employees you describe are also "working hard." If you're eating in the restaurant, leave a couple of dollars for the bussers who are clearing the dishes. If you receive service in addition to that, leave 10%.