Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I've been married six years, and ever since we've been married, my husband's daughter has insisted that I can't come to her house that my husband has a mortgage on. I think he should tell her that if his wife isn't welcome, then he isn't.

My husband is 19 years older than I am and has health issues. I am there for him and take care of him, and I'm hurt that he doesn't speak up for me. I feel his daughter should want us to come over together for the sake of her dad. The time is coming when she and the rest of his family will have to come to our house to see him. I don't know if I would be so willing to let them, since they don't want me being part of the family.

I have talked to my husband about this and I'm getting nowhere. He now has dementia. He forgets quite a bit, and he insists it's me and not his daughter who says I'm not welcome. I'm at my wit's end. What do you think about this? -- MIFFED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIFFED: I think there may be some relevant facts you didn't include in your letter. Does your husband's daughter resent you because of the difference in your ages? Did you have anything to do with the breakup of his first marriage? When you wrote "they" don't want you to be part of the family, exactly to whom were you referring?

Frankly, if I were in your shoes, the last thing I would want to do is force my way into a home where I wasn't wanted. I wouldn't be comfortable under those circumstances, and I am having trouble understanding why you would be.

If the time comes when your husband becomes too incapacitated to visit his daughter and the rest of the family, please take the high road and do the compassionate thing. Invite them in so they can be of comfort to your husband. If there is any way to fire up the peace pipe, that is the way to do it.

P.S. Because your husband holds the mortgage on his daughter's home, I HOPE he has consulted an attorney and put his wishes regarding estate planning in writing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new mom who is fortunate to be able to breastfeed. We've had several guests come to our house to meet the baby, and if she needs to nurse, I go to the couch and allow her to breastfeed. I don't feel the need to hide in another room in my own house when I'm comfortable on my couch with all my necessary pillows to assist.

My sister wanted to bring her new boyfriend over to meet my husband, the baby and me. Before they came, she called to ask me to refrain from "whipping out my boobs" in front of her new beau. I don't view breastfeeding as flashing, but she prioritized his comfort over mine in my own house. I don't mind using a cover to shield people from seeing my chest, but was her request valid and should I go into another room in my own home? -- FEEDING IN THE WEST

DEAR FEEDING: Most people are aware that breastfeeding is a natural function. If "Sis" is uncomfortable with the idea of her new boyfriend seeing you breastfeed, the two of them should excuse themselves and go to another room or choose a time to visit between feedings.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his husband are getting ready to file for divorce. Before they do, however, they are embarking on a very expensive trip to Italy. It was paid for before the divorce conversations started.

When they travel, I fly into the town where we both grew up, watch their home and dogs and spend time with old friends. Because of the difficulties facing travelers at this time, I like to come into town a few days early, in case there are any delays with my flight, so none of us has to worry about the dogs being alone.

I arrived last night. My brother left for the weekend to spend time with his new gent, and my brother-in-law has invited his new gent over for dinner tonight. My concept of etiquette demands that I be friendly and welcoming of these new people in my brother's and brother-in-law's life. However, it is awkward.

Yes, I know divorce happens. But my brother-in-law is just as much a part of my family in my eyes as my brother. Are there any rules or thoughts regarding these new relationships as marriages end and new relationships begin? -- SUPPORTIVE SISTER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SISTER: Your brother and his (almost) former husband appear to be handling their soon-to-be dissolution in a civil manner -- VERY civil, if they're taking a pre-divorce European vacation together. If they part as friends, your chances of maintaining a friendship with your (almost) former BIL are better.

Keep an open mind and be gracious when you meet the new man in your brother's life. Avoid gossip, cross your fingers and hope for the best for everyone. That's all you can do. From the tone of your letter, I am sure you can handle this, Sis.

DEAR ABBY: My 57-year-old husband is consumed with watching videos on his cellphone. This is like an addiction for him. He spends hour after hour of his home time with his phone in hand watching all kinds of videos. I have tried talking to him, mentioning that this distraction is taking away from any time we have together. His response to me is a blank look. Nothing more.

I told him once that if we had a child, we certainly would not allow our child to spend anywhere near as much time watching videos on the phone, tablet or computer. Again, a blank look. He doesn't regard his excessive screen time as a problem. I certainly do. What can I do or say? I'm at the end of my rope. -- SECOND TO THE SCREEN

DEAR SECOND: Your husband gives you a blank look because he's so engrossed in this entertainment he doesn't realize how much time he's actually spending on his cellphone. By the way, he isn't alone in having that problem. It's shared by people of all ages. The reasons can range from being caught in "email hell" for hours to using it as a deliberate escape from reality.

Because you have reached the end of your rope and have become virtually a widow, tell your husband that if he wants to continue being married, he must consent to marriage counseling. And, if he gives you another blank look, consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 2 1/2 years was having an affair with a much younger woman for what I believe was about two months. I never suspected. It ended because he got caught. I was devastated and asked him to leave that night. He always seemed uninterested in sex, and when we had sex, it was quick. He had difficulty performing so, of course, I was extra shocked.

We went to marriage counseling, which didn't help. I decided to stay with him, but I'm miserable. I can't get over the fact that he cheated, and I bring it up all the time. I no longer trust him and wonder why I stay. I love him and I don't at the same time. I feel stuck.

I was married before, and I feel like a failure. I'm in good physical shape, financially successful and loving. What went wrong? I always felt he was hiding something, but he swears he wasn't. He says this was the first time he's cheated on a woman and he was confused. I wish I had the courage to leave, but I feel defeated because I just turned 60. Please help. -- DEPRESSED AND HOPELESS IN INDIANA

DEAR D and H: You are not a failure. Your husband is. The surest way to find out "what went wrong" and begin rebuilding your self-esteem would be to discuss this entire scenario by yourself with a licensed marriage and family therapist. The reason you haven't left this marriage may be that you are self-conscious about your age or think nothing is worse than being alone. Life does not end at 60, and THIS is worse than being alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old male with five siblings ranging from 45 to 63 years of age. I'm the only one who is single. I don't live close to any of them, although they live reasonably close to each other. I'm in regular contact with all of them and see them at least once a year.

My issue is that I'm tired of hearing about all their family drama. They all seem to be upset with one family member or another for whatever ridiculous reason. How can I remind them that having each other around is a blessing? Living alone on the other side of the country is (admittedly) very lonely.

I plan on retiring in the next couple of years and had always thought I'd move closer to them then. But now I'm afraid of becoming one of the pawns in their "who are we all mad at this month?" game. Advice? -- BROTHER WITH A DIFFERENCE

DEAR BROTHER: Few families are completely free of "issues," but successful ones manage to maneuver around them. Reminding your siblings how fortunate they are to have each other so close geographically should be raised privately with each of them, so you can explain your reasons for saying it. It might be the wake-up call they need. Use the next two years to decide where you want to live without being "too close," and plan on cultivating relationships outside the family through activities you enjoy so you are not completely dependent on them.