DEAR ABBY: I was married to a man whose family always seemed to be in each other's business. His 18-year-old niece already had two children when she became pregnant again. She hid it from everyone. When she was eight months gone, she came to me and told me she wanted to adopt the baby out to a family who couldn't have children, because she couldn't handle raising another child.
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She begged me not to tell anyone except my husband (her uncle) and asked me to watch her two children overnight while she was at the hospital delivering. She also asked to meet the potential adoptive parents at my home and said she planned to have an open adoption without ever telling her parents. I told her she needed to talk with her mother, but she told me she was desperate for help, so I reluctantly agreed.
Two months after giving birth and placing the baby for adoption, she told her family about it. They became very upset with me. They said I should have told them she was pregnant and that it was my fault they "lost" the child. This ultimately led to my husband divorcing me. To this day, the niece is happy with her decision and participates in the open adoption. Was I wrong to help her and not tell the family? -- CONFIDANT IN COLORADO
DEAR CONFIDANT: Your letter proves the truth of the adage, "No good deed goes unpunished." Your ex-husband's niece was an adult at the time her third child was born. You were NOT wrong to help her. That she would betray you after begging for your help shows she wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibilities of parenting yet another child.
You were not responsible for her baby being adopted -- she was. Her parents have transferred their anger and disappointment in her to you. That it resulted in the failure of your marriage is a shame. I would offer my sympathy, but perhaps you should thank your lucky stars that this dysfunctional family is in the rear-view mirror.