DEAR ABBY: My married friend is a swinger. She says her husband's sex drive has declined lately, but it hasn't. He keeps trying to get me to talk "naughty" with him, but I always refuse. To me, that would be betraying my friend. He has encouraged her to get a live-in girlfriend for herself. I asked her what she thinks would happen if she did and he decided to do the same. She doesn't believe he would, but I do.

Abby, I value our friendship. If I tell her about his late-night habits, it would hurt her. If I don't and she finds out, it will also hurt her. He always apologizes after each attempt. Apologies mean nothing if he continues to repeat his actions. Lately, I have avoided spending time with her because of his late-night requests. What should I do? -- TURNED OFF IN THE SOUTH

DEAR TURNED OFF: Tell him his advances are not welcome and to stop calling you, and that if he doesn't, you will tell your friend. If he persists, inform your friend how long this has been going on and that you have been reluctant to tell her, but it has reached the point that it is making you not want to be around her either. After that, the ball will be in her court.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son is married with a newborn son. I recently learned that he is the victim of spousal abuse. He was keeping it a secret from us, but we found out when authorities became involved. My son loves his wife and wants to make it work. I have no idea how to navigate holidays and special occasions when we will see them. Knowing your adult son is being harmed by his wife, how would you interact with this woman? -- UNEASY IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNEASY: Be glad that the fact your daughter-in-law is a spousal abuser is now on record. Before the next holidays, you and your husband should have a talk with your son about why he has tolerated the abuse and what his options are. Is she so out of control that she could hurt the baby in a fit of rage? Are they receiving counseling? Has he spoken to an attorney about this?

A support group your son would find helpful is Stop Abuse for Everyone (stopabuseforeveryone.org). Once he gets in touch, he will realize that he's far from the only husband who has been battered. He also needs to know you are there for him regardless, so when the holidays roll around, be "cordial" -- and keep your eyes open.

DEAR ABBY: I have two friends whose daughters will be married this fall, both for the second time. I have given gifts to both women for their first marriages. What is the rule of etiquette for the second time around? -- WANTS TO KNOW IN MONTANA

DEAR WANTS: If you plan to attend the weddings, the rule is to give something less expensive this time around, along with your good wishes for a happy future.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 80-year-old senior man who has met, texted daily and called an 80-year-old woman for the last six weeks. We both look and think young for our ages as well. We plan to have our first date on a Valentine's Day theme. It's awkward not knowing what to do when we have our first date. She says "friends first," and I agree, but we are highly compatible based on our communications.

Because our first date will be on Valentine's Day, she said she wants to see if there is chemistry. I'm conflicted about whether to give her a flower or flowers. Would it be appropriate to have a single long-stemmed rose in my car and, if she's interested in a second date or we both feel chemistry, use "The Bachelor" TV show idea of asking her if she will accept the rose for a second date? I know it may sound cliche, but I'm reluctant to take the rose to the table. Yes, some of us seniors want to be romantic, but we are still concerned about what's acceptable in today's dating world. -- UNCLEAR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCLEAR: I love your letter and I like your style. When you go to the table, have a small box of chocolates to present to your lady friend. The idea of keeping a long-stemmed rose concealed in your car is charming, as long as you keep the stem in water so it won't wilt while you're having dinner, which would be very unromantic. Please let me know how the date goes. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: My son's bar mitzvah was two months ago. We had 125 guests. My son received a gift from everyone except my boss, "Hal." I have known Hal most of my life. He used to work with my grandfather, and he's like a family member.

Hal is extremely generous and would certainly have given my son a gift, so I know this is simply an oversight on his part. There's also a slight chance we lost his gift amidst the chaos of the event. Should I gently mention this to him or just let it go? -- PROUD PAPA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PAPA: If it were me -- and my child had received gifts from 124 guests at his bar mitzvah -- I would be inclined to let it go. However, if you feel you must pursue this, approach it by telling Hal you are embarrassed but some of your son's gift cards got mixed up "in the chaos." Add that he needs to write thank-you notes, so what should Hal be thanked for?

DEAR ABBY: I live with my two older sisters. One is 18, and the other is 17. We go to dance parties on Saturday nights. My sisters want to dance up on the stage, but they just wibble-wobble all over the place. They're not good at it at all. Should I just pretend I don't know them, or what? I don't want to embarrass or insult them. -- BETTER DANCER IN OHIO

DEAR DANCER: It should not embarrass or insult them if you offer to show them some "different" dance moves. In fact, it would be doing them a favor. However, if they refuse, then drop the matter and refrain from criticizing them for their performance because nobody wants a bad review. Trust me on that.

DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want to express how much I cherish the relationship I have with you. Wishing all of you a Happy Valentine's Day. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my husband, kids and I go away, my mother-in-law insists on staying at our house. She then rearranges the rooms in my house, moving things to where she thinks they should be. She also manages to leave behind her toiletries in the bathroom.

More than once she has thrown a party for her friends during our absence. It drives me crazy. Going on vacation stresses me out because I have no idea what I'm going to come home to. When my husband tells her I don't like when she rearranges things, she gets defensive and cries about how she "can't understand why I hate her." I don't hate her; I just wish she would respect my boundaries in my house. Advice? -- INVADED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INVADED: I'm glad to provide some. The next time your MIL insists on housesitting while you are on holiday, say you have made other arrangements and do not waver. (If necessary, change the locks.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband had a stroke five years ago. I've been taking care of him ever since. I recently found out that he cheated on me. I want to get him into a VA home. What form would I need? I'm hoping to avoid a messy divorce. I'm fine if we stay married but no longer live together. He accuses me of "not doing anything." Our house is paid for and we have no debts. Our daughters are grown and live elsewhere. Should I contact an attorney? -- WANTS OUT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTS OUT: By all means, contact an attorney. You have a responsibility for your husband's welfare. Abandoning him to a VA home may not be the best solution for him, even though it may seem like a convenient one for you. Do nothing in anger. Before making any plans, you might want to discuss this with your daughters, who may be able to suggest alternative solutions to the one you are considering, such as hiring a part-time caregiver for your husband.

DEAR ABBY: Long ago, my parents purchased a large burial plot for our entire family, including spouses if we have them. My spouse isn't eligible because he doesn't fit the cemetery's religious requirement. My parents and I also don't see eye to eye on politics.

Our relationship has greatly diminished over the last few years -- so much so that I no longer want to spend eternity next to them when my time comes. Part of me says let it be, but they seem to relish the idea that we will "all be together," when in reality, I do not. I'd like to be cremated, which also goes against religious beliefs. Thoughts? -- BAD SON IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SON: I think it's your body, your choice. Because most parents die before their children, the odds of your folks being buried before you are great. In the meantime, since their fantasy of one big happy family plot is something they relish, be kind and don't ruin it for them.