Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I was at a semiformal dinner party with my wife and five other couples. During the first course, I found a large green caterpillar (alive) in my salad. What's the best way to handle this type of situation? -- YIKES! IN TEXAS

DEAR 'YIKES!': It goes without question that the "uninvited visitor" be evicted. A way to do that without embarrassing your host would be to quietly pick the critter up, excuse yourself from the table and release it into the wild out a window or the back door. If you are a devout animal lover, take a bit of lettuce with you so it won't go hungry.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for more than 30 years. My husband and I split all bills and everything else. This has worked because, in life, I have always taken care of myself. My issue is his cheap attitude about every little dime. He always makes sure I pay my fair share to the penny, but when it comes to his reimbursing me, he usually rounds down to the dollar.

While he's tight with the family, he's generous to everyone else. He is generous not only with his money, but also his time. His stinginess toward me makes me feel I'm unimportant to him. (I am very generous to him.) Why are our family and I lowest on his priority list while he's so generous to everyone else? -- FEELING SLIGHTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING: Your husband may have cultivated the reputation of being benevolent and munificent because he feels it is to his advantage. He may not feel the need to impress you and other family members because he sees no advantage in it. What a miserable, miserly husband you have. I'm surprised that rather than write to me, you haven't confronted him about it. Things might have been different if had you spoken up decades ago.

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away six months ago after a long struggle with Alzheimer's. I was her primary caregiver. Since she passed, her brother has been showing the same symptoms of paranoia she started with. Contact with him brings back sad memories, but I don't know how to talk to him about it without starting a big family upset. Your thoughts? -- SEES SIGNS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SEES SIGNS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. Her relatives should be aware that this disease can run in families so they can watch for it. It may be counterproductive to talk to your brother-in-law about this. Start by talking to his closest relatives (spouse, siblings, children if he has any) about your concerns and the signs you are seeing. He will need to be evaluated by medical professionals to determine what, if any next steps, need to be taken.

As you probably know, if your former BIL does have Alzheimer's, the Alzheimer's Association is there to provide emotional support and practical advice. The association's website is at alz.org, and its 24/7 Helpline is 1-800-272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for a little more than 12 years. My wife and I have one child. Unfortunately, like a lot of relationships, we've been stuck in a rough patch for a while now. I learned that she was having an affair a few years ago, which rocked me to the core. I recognized there were cracks forming early on, but, admittedly, I didn't do enough to try to fix them. I ultimately decided to forgive her, and we have tried our best to put things back together.

Last year, I met someone through work with whom I connected on an incredibly deep level, and I found myself to be genuinely happy in a way I hadn't been for ages. It led to an affair that has been going on for a year. This woman desperately wants us to have a life together, as do I, but I'm afraid of what it will do to my child.

Walking away from my long marriage, even with everything that has happened, is difficult to fathom, as is the thought of destroying my child's sense of family and stability. I don't want to hurt either person, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. -- FAILED HUSBAND IN THE EAST

DEAR FAILED HUSBAND: Have you had a heart-to-heart talk with your wife about what you both want? If you haven't, you should. IF you would like to continue your marriage, start working with a licensed marriage and family therapist now. Your reason for not wanting to break up the family is rational because there is a third person involved, and I'm not talking about your girlfriend. However, if a couple is not happy, it isn't a healthy atmosphere for a child to grow up in.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell a loved one that they have bad hygiene (such as body odor and bad breath)? For the most part, my ex-husband raised my now-adult son. My ex is very clean, so I'm not sure why my son is not. It isn't a medical issue, and it isn't sweat from exercise, it's just body odor.

My son and a couple of his friends seem to have lower standards in this area than is socially acceptable. The rest of his friends have what would be considered normal hygiene. I'm worried because this could affect his career and love life. Is there a way to approach it without hurting his feelings, or should I just let him stink and say nothing? -- WASHING UP IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WASHING UP: Tell your adult son that you have noticed his body odor, that it is unpleasant and that you are concerned about it. You didn't mention how old he is, or whether he has a doctor or a dentist, but everyone should get an annual physical and a semiannual dental wellness checkup.

Although you say your son's problem isn't a medical issue, there are any number of serious ailments that can cause body odor and bad breath. If he checks out medically and all he really needs is to shower and brush his teeth on a more regular basis, tell him point blank. And while you're at it, tell him his social and work lives could be negatively impacted if he doesn't clean up his act. This is what mothers do, so start now.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got engaged to a man I've been seeing long distance for about a year. Then, out of the blue, an old military friend/crush called me and told me he has been thinking a lot about me and is working on himself. He apologized for the times he ghosted me because he couldn't handle relationships.

We talked for two and a half hours, and it was like we were back to our deployment and inseparable. It brought feelings I have never had before, but it also brought confusion and conflict. I love my fiance. He's a great man, and a single parent. I don't know what to say to the old flame. Can you help? -- CONFUSED IN THE WEST

DEAR CONFUSED: Tell the old flame you accept his apology for the multiple times he ghosted you and wish him luck in his self-improvement project, but explain that you are now engaged to a wonderful man. That said, you should not rush into marriage with anyone until you have doused this old flame and are confident in your decision.

DEAR ABBY: I am approaching 70 and I have been living a lie. I have two children who were born via artificial insemination by an unknown donor. Should I tell them, or take it to my grave? I have been divorced for 25 years and have no contact with their "father." It was a choice we made because of his infertility, but we never discussed telling the children. Now I'm torn about what to do because they still have contact with him despite his being verbally abusive. I need peace of mind. Help, please. -- SLEEPLESS NIGHTS IN ARIZONA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Your "children" are adults. You and your former husband solved his infertility problem, and you were able to raise two (I assume, since you didn't mention otherwise) healthy, contributing members of society. Because of the popularity of DNA testing, it would be better if your children heard this news from you rather than from who knows how many half-siblings they may have. Infertility isn't shameful. Tell them what they need to know.

DEAR ABBY: My local area TV meteorologists and reporters have a terrible habit of calling rainy weather "miserable," cloudy weather "gloomy," and any other non-sunny day "dreary." With so many horrible events in the news on a daily basis, reporting the weather this way seems irresponsible and reckless.

For some emotionally vulnerable members of our community, these negative words could be dangerous. Weather is weather. When we were kids, my friends and I would play outside in the rain and none of us ever thought of it as gloomy, dreary or miserable. Using such a powerful medium as television in this way could have a negative impact on people who are already in a dark place. -- IT'S RAINING BUT NOT DREARY IN DELAWARE

DEAR IT'S RAINING: Thank you for speaking up, but you are addressing your comments to the wrong person -- they should be directed to the manager of your local television station. While some weather forecasters may speak off the cuff, others usually read from scripts. So whoever is preparing the weather forecaster's monologue may need to be advised to use different adjectives.