DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-something single gay man. My parents are older and have a strained marriage. They no longer have a relationship but stay together. I live with them because of money issues, and they sometimes need assistance. I do not have the ability to bring friends or dates over, and I feel as if my mental health is being affected because of this, among other things.

I own the house we live in, but because my folks are helping me, I feel I can't tell them to leave. They irritate me to no end, and I feel awful about that. What can I do to encourage them to leave me alone? -- FRUSTRATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You and your parents are all adults. In a sense, your relationship with them now is its own "marriage of convenience." You are overdue for a frank conversation with your parents about boundaries and privacy. You should be able to entertain friends, and your folks should give you the space to do it. You should also care less what they think about the way you conduct your life. You are a big boy now, and as an adult, you can do what you like.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a conflict with my 27-year-old daughter over watching my grandson. She thinks I should watch him every day because I don't have a life and she wants to live hers. I love my grandson, but I'm 54 and have medical issues. I had a heart attack last year on top of having diabetes and back pain. I'm not employed, but I tire easily.

I told her I want to see him when it's convenient for me and, if she asks ahead of time, I will watch him -- but not all the time. I believe it's up to her and the father, who is unreliable about watching him. Now when I ask to pick him up at school, unless I'm keeping him for a while, she refuses. I'm the only grandmother in his life, but she wants to keep me from him unless it's on her terms. What is your opinion on this? -- CONFLICTED GRAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRAN: My opinion is your daughter is attempting to blackmail you, and you should stand your ground. She is frustrated that her child's father is unreliable, and she is looking for someone to share her responsibility. For the sake of your health, please don't let it be you.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a separated married man for six months. He said he wanted a committed relationship with me, but after two months, he decided he still wanted to have sex with his wife occasionally. I assumed he'd be with her, like, maybe once a month or once every three months. He told me I would be his primary girl. Well, I found out that she, not I, was primary.

I have cut it off with him and am now moving on, but he still wants to be friends. At first, I did too. But now, when I look back at the betrayal, I no longer want to be his friend. Am I wrong? Should I continue the friendship? -- SECOND PLACE IN MARYLAND

DEAR SECOND PLACE: No, and NO!

DEAR ABBY: I recently was told that my late father-in-law was a serial child abuser who molested his daughter and at least two of his grandchildren. My husband loved and deeply respected his parents. Should I tell my husband this information? Should I ask my grown son if he was also molested as his cousins were? I don't want to "rock the boat," but I want to do what is best for my son, and I'm not used to keeping things from my husband. -- WISH I DIDN'T KNOW

DEAR WISH: Who gave you this information, and why? Was it a credible source? Were your late father-in-law's alleged crimes reported to the authorities? If you trust your source, by all means, talk to your son and ask if his grandfather ever did anything that made him uncomfortable. Why would you keep this from your husband? Tell him what you were told and by whom.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Gene" passed away a few months ago. He had been in and out of the hospital for most of 2022. He had four children, and while he wasn't close to them, he tried to have a relationship with them. One child lived in the same town but wanted nothing to do with him. When they found out Gene was dying, they all wanted to know what they were getting. Gene's last wish was that they not be informed about his death. I felt I owed it to him to honor his wishes.

Prior to his passing, his oldest child was saying what a horrible father he was. Now my brother is gone, and she's mad she "didn't get to grieve" and posting nasty things about me on social media. I won't stoop to her level and respond. Gene quit talking to all of them four months before his death. Was I wrong for not telling them? -- HONORING MY BROTHER

DEAR HONORING: No, you were not wrong. You honored your brother's wishes. It is sad that his children didn't have a chance to mend fences with their father before his passing, but they will have the rest of their lives to grieve -- if you can call frustration over not inheriting anything "grieving."

DEAR ABBY: I'm bipolar, and my best forever friend is in her third physically abusive relationship. After he moved in with her I told her I had to end the friendship because he also has mental health issues and carries a gun. I'm afraid for her safety.

Because I survived and left my own abuser, I take my safety seriously. Another friend says I should be there for her. I did tell her police officer granddaughter about the abuse. Should I stay or should I go? -- FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE: Do not allow anyone to guilt you into putting yourself into a dangerous situation. Assure your friend that once this risky romance ends, if she's still in one piece, you will be there for her. You did the right thing by alerting your friend's granddaughter that her grandmother might be in danger. The woman may need counseling so she won't continue getting into abusive relationships.

DEAR ABBY: "Unsure How To Feel" (Jan. 24) was upset about changes her sister-in-law was making after the death of her husband. Within months, the widow had given away the husband's belongings and begun making changes to their home. I saw myself in that column. I lost my beloved husband unexpectedly at the age of 47. Seeing his clothes and belongings in our closets every time I opened the doors was painful. They were a constant reminder of what I'd lost.

After selecting a few meaningful items, I also began giving his belongings to close family members and then to charities. When my daughter became upset, I realized that we all process our grief in different ways. She wanted to preserve everything the way it was. Neither reaction is wrong.

And as for the SIL's remodeling, I did exactly what she did. For me, it was a way to regain control of my life. My husband's death was shocking and heartbreaking. Having a project gave me something to focus on other than my grief.

I would ask your readers to please cut some slack with those who are going through the grieving process. It's a horrible experience. Each person has to survive it in their own way. Just because it isn't your way doesn't make it wrong. -- CATHERINE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CATHERINE: Thank you for your wise words. They are so true. Most readers who responded to that letter agreed with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: To "Unsure," I say: Your sister-in-law lived with your brother every day of their married lives in the same house she still lives in. You were likely not an everyday visitor. When my husband died, there were things in our house I NEEDED to change, just so I could get through every day.

Our bedroom was number one. It may seem heartless to anyone other than a spouse, but I could no longer sleep in the bed we had shared, in the room that was decorated in "his" style. I needed to make it solely my space; somewhere I could go to find peace.

Your sister-in-law is not disregarding your brother and his memory. She will always hold his memory in her heart, as you do. But living in that space likely requires her to make it less of a constant reminder of the love she has lost. -- RUTH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband seven months ago and began cleaning out his stuff almost immediately. Why would I want to look at his clothes every day? How does "Unsure" know her late brother's marriage was so "good"? People thought that about mine, but it wasn't.

Many of the changes to the house (painting, etc.) are things he and I had talked about, but he would never actually move on them. Changing artwork? Yes -- not everything, but definitely some pieces I never really liked.

"Unsure" does indeed have to deal with her own grief, but she should leave her widowed sister-in-law alone. No one is "erasing" her brother, and his widow is not obligated to remain stuck in the past. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed from cancer in December 2020. He had been in hospice and died in our home as he wished. There was no way I could stay there. Within the next eight months I had remodeled and sold our house and moved to the small town where my son and his family live. Moving was the best thing I could have done. I still grieve, but I don't regret any of my actions. I know my husband would be proud of the decisions I made. -- NO REGRETS IN TEXAS