DEAR ABBY: Throughout my childhood, my mother was controlling in many ways. One of them was my clothes. She dressed me in ridiculous outfits that I found humiliating. If I expressed an opinion about anything, I was treated as being "bad." It affected my mental health, which resulted in me hating the way I look.

I went through multiple eating disorders and addiction, and I had plastic surgery 15 years ago. After many years of therapy, I am now doing better emotionally. I also endured many years of heart-shattering infertility, but I am finally a mother, working hard to give my child a better life than I had.

My mother continues buying clothes for my child, and receiving these "gifts" fills me with rage. My son is too young to pick out his own clothes, but I know what he likes and choose clothes accordingly. I allow him to select which items he wears, guilt free. My mother seems to buy clothes based on my son's interests, but I resent her buying any clothes for him. I want her to stop. It's my turn to be a parent!

I feel so much guilt, anger and shame giving away or selling clothes I don't want, like I'm being "bad." Despite therapy, my childhood trauma persists. How can I ask my mother to stop buying unwanted "gifts"? -- BAD KID FOR LIFE

DEAR BAD KID: Do not ASK your mother to stop buying clothing for your son -- TELL her. While you're at it, tell her what you have been doing with them, and why. Then, if she doesn't already know, explain exactly how the way she raised you affected you. To do that isn't being "bad"; it is honest and long overdue. If she persists after that, feel free to donate the clothes, because another child might be thrilled to have them.

DEAR ABBY: My 50-year-old daughter divorced her husband 15 years ago because she thought she could do better. From what I could see, he was a good husband. She didn't work and lived a comfortable lifestyle with two small children. Since the divorce, that lifestyle has gone steadily downhill. She can't hold a job because she always finds some way to be offended, and quits.

She had a house my husband and I paid the down payment on, but lost it by making the ownership joint with her abusive second husband. She no longer receives child support because her children are grown, so her finances are worse than ever. We bought her a car last year because she had no transportation.

My question is this: How much should we continue to financially support her? We are well-off, but where should our obligation end for a daughter who continues to make bad decisions? -- PUT-UPON MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: As parents of a 50-year-old daughter, you and your husband are likely in your 70s. You have two choices. If you wish to continue enabling your daughter, she will receive whatever is left of your estate, so she shouldn't be homeless after you die if you leave it in a trust. If you don't wish to continue your financial support, you may need counseling to help you overcome your instinct to rescue your self-destructive daughter, who is no longer a child.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for three months. We've had our ups and downs. He's more into me than I am into him. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and he has offered to drive me to my surgery and help me at home in recovery. He's also willing to take me to my follow-ups and help with anything else I may need.

He's retired, has time and resources, and he cares a great deal about me. We live about two miles apart. I like him, too. I think that after knowing someone for only a few months, it takes a special character and a huge amount of caring to take on being their caregiver after a major surgery. There will be a lot of driving to another city and back.

I don't really have anyone else -- no family. I'm thankful to him for doing this, but I wonder what kind of support he is going to need and how I can show my appreciation. So far, he has been very loyal and committed. -- GRATEFUL IN OREGON

DEAR GRATEFUL: This man may be more into you at this point in your relationship, but let's see how you feel after your surgery and recuperation. From where I sit, that man is a keeper. I have heard from women whose husbands ran for the door upon learning their wives received a cancer diagnosis, or after they started treatment.

It's nice that you are worried he may not have the support he needs while he is taking care of you. If that's the case, the American Cancer Society (cancer.org) offers support groups for caregivers as well as patients, and your doctor may be able to refer him to one. Take one day at a time. I wish you a speedy and complication-free recovery.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who let a woman move into my house 10 years ago. She's intelligent and said she was going to get a professional job in her former field, but she never tried. She moved all her possessions in, and her stuff is piled high everywhere. She's a COVID fanatic and insists we live separately -- she's downstairs, and I'm upstairs. We are both fully vaccinated.

She puts food out for me, and I have not even been "allowed" to go downstairs in my own house. She has a bit of a temper. She pays no rent or utilities. She has little money yet refuses to take her Social Security, although she's eligible, which I find bizarre. I've been reluctant to have her evicted. What can I do? -- BIGGEST IDIOT ON EARTH

DEAR 'IDIOT': Call your lawyer and explain what has been going on, because you may need assistance in following my advice, which is this: Tell the freeloading woman you have had it with the living arrangement and need her out of YOUR home. Give her a date by which she has to be out of there and, if there are any problems, formally evict her. You may have to give her a down payment on a rental, but only if you feel generous. It looks to me like you have allowed yourself to be taken advantage of.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Jana," and I have been together for 18 years. We live in a small community. About a year ago, a young single guy moved in next door. Jana and "Aiden" took an immediate liking to each other. She's 64, and he's 35.

Aiden is on permanent disability, has never had a job and is heavily into drugs. He does odd things like walking down the middle of the street draped in blue lights and sitting in the middle of the street. The police have been called on him so many times he was almost kicked out of the neighborhood.

He and Jana were together all the time -- calling, texting and talking in person. They don't meet so often now because we've had so many arguments about it. I was jealous in the beginning. Now I just don't like her hanging out with him.

She still calls and talks to him, but now she does it only when I'm not around. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. He's always outside walking around in front of the house. It makes me very uncomfortable. I'd really appreciate any advice you can give me. -- ANXIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANXIOUS: Nothing will change until you get to the bottom of why your girlfriend (of 18 years) continues to pursue this troubled neighbor. Could she be trying to "rescue" him? Does she feel motherly toward him and have a need to feel needed? Could she have a crush on him? I don't know, and neither will you until you calmly discuss this with her in such a way that she doesn't feel attacked when you bring up the subject. Start now.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter (who is in her early 30s) is expecting her first child. This will be my first great-grandchild. When she called to invite me to her baby shower, I asked her who was hosting the event. Neither my daughter (her mother), her father, nor I live in the same state she does. (My thought was to contact that person and offer assistance, physically and financially.) She said she and her partner were hosting the event themselves.

When I said, "But hosting your own shower is in poor taste. Usually a friend, co-worker or family member does the hosting," she became upset. She said times have changed and if they want to host it they can, which would ensure everything is done the way they wanted. She has been very emotional during the pregnancy.

Anyway, she all but uninvited me to the shower and has dodged my calls since the conversation. So, Abby, am I behind the times? Has that rule of etiquette gone out the window? How can I repair the relationship, which up to this point has been very good? -- MANNERED TO A FAULT

DEAR MANNERED: Many of the ironclad rules of the older generations have fallen by the wayside. The one about who can or cannot host a shower is one of them. Write or email your granddaughter. Apologize for upsetting her and explain that you may need an updated version of your etiquette book. Then offer to help with the shower in any way you can. That's all you can do. I wish you luck.