DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 70s. We have been married seven years. I was celibate before we met and thrilled to have a partner I respected and was attracted to. Our sex life seemed normal and exciting with lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day.

Recently, I caught him on a phone sex call and then discovered he visits sex chat rooms. I'm devastated. I feel betrayed and angry that my trust has been violated. After several attempts to lie, he finally admitted the truth, but said it was a "recent" thing -- which was even more insulting!

My therapist says men don't suddenly take up phone sex and pornography in their 70s. When I shared that with my husband, he revealed it wasn't "as often" in the past. He swears he loves me and will get help, but I can't imagine how I can trust him again.

He doesn't seem to want to talk about it any further, other than taking some online classes dealing with porn addiction. Our relationship has always been cordial and friendly and that continues, though I'm no longer willing to have sex at this time. My impulse is to bolt. I'm too old to deal with this nonsense, and I just want to live the rest of my life in peace. What do you think? -- THROWN IN KANSAS

DEAR THROWN: Please ignore your impulse to bolt. When you started your letter, you stated you had a good marriage to a man you respect and are attracted to -- with the bonus of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Your husband isn't having physical contact with anyone on the "hotline."

If your therapist hasn't told you, many thousands of individuals of both sexes consider porn to be erotica and helpful, and many couples use it to enhance their sex lives. Rather than sacrifice what has been a successful marriage, you and your husband would be better off scheduling some appointments with a marriage and family therapist, and possibly one who specializes in sex therapy to help you overcome your emotional issue on this highly personal subject.

DEAR ABBY: My former husband of 28 years cheated on me for the last 15 years of our marriage. For the last six years, I have been in a healthy and happy relationship. I went to counseling for five years and, per the counselor, I don't need to go anymore.

My 36-year-old daughter wants me to attend family gatherings with my ex and his wife (his third mistress). I have gone to two of them, but I really have no desire to do it any longer. My daughter is telling me I still have "issues that I need to heal" and has been lecturing me about this for years. Must I sacrifice my feelings for hers? -- CLEAN BREAK IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR CLEAN BREAK: No, you have suffered enough. I see no reason why you must continue to expose yourself to the company of two people you neither like nor respect. If your daughter cannot accept this, then perhaps she needs counseling to understand it.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter is single and lives alone. She lives five hours away but manages to visit every two months or so. The problem is, when she comes home, we hardly ever see her. She's mostly at her cousin's house. During her most recent visit, we saw her a total of one hour a day the five days she was here -- just enough time for her to come over, change clothes and leave again. She even sleeps there most nights.

I have asked her to spend more time with us, but we just end up arguing. She goes on vacation with them every year, but when I suggest we go on a family vacation, she always says, "I don't have money for that." I love her, but I'm beginning to feel used. Whenever she needs something, I'm the one she calls.

We have always butted heads, but my husband and I are getting older, and he has some health issues. I wish she would spend more time with him. I realize she wants to be with her friends when she's here, but no one travels to her place to see her. She does all the traveling to see them. I would have no problem with friends coming to see her here at the house. Am I being selfish? -- COMING IN SECOND

DEAR SECOND: You are not being selfish. You may, however, be unrealistic. You stated that you and your daughter have always "butted heads," and this is the result. I'm doubtful that you can get the message across to her without her becoming defensive. Your husband and daughter may be overdue for a meaningful conversation about his health and his desire to spend time with her while he can. As for her relationship with you, it seems she has made her feelings quite clear.

DEAR ABBY: Throughout the year, the department in which I work recognizes each employee's birthday with a cake -- except me. I have worked here for two years, and while my supervisor writes my birthday on a calendar that hangs in the front office, each year my birthday has come and gone without even a verbal acknowledgement. I watch as all the other employees in my department have their special day recognized with a cake brought in by the department supervisor.

I'm wondering why I was even asked when my birthday is and why it was written down if no mention is even made of it? My co-workers are all friendly with me, and I have never gotten the impression that I'm not liked, but I can't help but wonder if something I have done has caused this.

If this isn't something that is done for everyone, then it shouldn't be done at all. Am I just being immature because my feelings are hurt by this? Would you say anything in a situation like this? I would appreciate your feedback and advice. -- EXCLUDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EXCLUDED: This is a question you should ask your supervisor because it likely was an oversight. Or, on your next birthday, bring a cupcake with a candle to the office and enjoy it with your lunch. ("Happy Birthday to ME!") Then highlight it on the calendar.

DEAR ABBY: I have a child with a woman I'll call "Kara," who is now my ex-wife. Our son lives full time with me and my new wife, whom I married three years ago. Kara was diagnosed with schizophrenia five or six years ago, which is what ultimately led to our divorce. She has only recently been able to keep a job despite her condition, which is only being moderately well-managed, but she has a pretty good one now.

Kara spends almost all her money on herself and rarely spends a day with our son without me present. I'm considering asking the court for child support payments, but I worry that because of her mental health issues, she'll end up taking it out on our child.

She's never been a very good parent, largely because of her illness, and she lived with us for almost a year because I didn't have the heart to see her homeless. I don't make a lot of money myself. I've been disabled for quite some time, and the extra income would make a big difference in our son's quality of life.

Am I wrong to request a child support judgment? If Kara loses her job, it could mean jail time, which would be devastating to her, but I don't believe she would comply with an informal request. I could really use some sound advice. -- STRUGGLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRUGGLING: I agree, you do need advice, and the person you should seek it from is an attorney who specializes in family law. From what you have written, Kara appears to be doing the best she can just to get by as are you. You did not mention whether your new wife is employed. If the answer is no, because finances are strapped right now, would she be willing to find a job or part-time work in order to make things easier for your son? If she could, it might relieve some of your stress.

DEAR ABBY: I'm living in my father's home along with my younger sister. I'm currently looking for work so I can move out. My plan had been to look for roommates online, but my sister wants us to get a place together. Everyone else in our life agrees that this would be the best idea. I do not want to do this.

I am honestly afraid of my sister. She has a hair-trigger temper that she keeps in check for other people but will fully unleash on me. I try to have fun with her, and sometimes I do, but I inevitably become the target of her anger for reasons I can never predict. I'm afraid to speak to her for more than a few minutes because she twists almost everything I say into an attack on her, even the most lighthearted things.

She is also careless with my property and has already damaged some of my things. She triggers my anxiety to the point that I can't think straight. I mostly just hide from her. Yet she still insists that we should live together, and is complaining more and more about how my financial situation is preventing her from moving out as soon as she likes.

How on Earth do I approach this? No matter what I say to our family, no one can offer advice, and it seems like no one is on my side. It makes me want to cry. -- BREAKING FREE IN ARIZONA

DEAR BREAKING: Your sister appears to have mental problems that none of the rest of the family wants to acknowledge. Under these circumstances she should absolutely not move in with you. To avoid it, you must grit your teeth, dry your tears and keep saying no.