DEAR ABBY: I'm a 37-year-old stay-at-home mother of two teens. I've been in a relationship with a guy I'll call "Doug" for four years. I feel he only wants me here for sex. If I say no, he either tries to force it or verbally abuses me.

He tells me if I don't give him sex, I need to leave so he can bring another woman to do it. He will destroy my belongings or call me names. He says it's my fault that he does that to me. I'm not sure what to do here. Is it my fault? -- BAD SCENE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BAD SCENE: When a boyfriend (or husband for that matter) forces their partner to have sex, it isn't foreplay; it is rape. That Doug emotionally abuses you or destroys your property if you refuse to accommodate him is not your "fault." ("You made me do it" is something abusers say when they want to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.)

What you need to do now is get out of there as safely as you can. Place a confidential call to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) and ask for help formulating a plan to safely escape your abuser, because that is what this man is.

DEAR ABBY: A casual friend and neighbor started doing the books at the company where I work. This means she knows my income, which she didn't before. We live in a small town and are on several committees together outside of work, including a board for a local charity and the PTO for our kids' school.

Now that she knows how much I make, she's on my case to be "more generous in my donations" to these groups and is spreading misinformation about my financial situation. For example, when the PTO fundraiser fell flat, she told the group I could make up the difference out of my pocket!

The thing is, she doesn't have the full picture. I donate to organizations she doesn't know about and help to support my oldest nephew, who has a disability and struggles to get by on his own. For now, I'm doing as much as I feel comfortable with, and I don't want to have to divulge all the details of my financial life to get her off my back.

Asking her to stop harassing me has led to more (public) statements about my "stinginess." Now other people in town are starting to ask me to donate to their causes, having gotten the impression I'm hiding deep pockets and have no obligations. How do I get this to stop? I worry about getting the wrong reputation in this community. -- IN A PICKLE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR IN A PICKLE: Financial information is supposed to be kept private, and for a bookkeeper to leak yours is unforgivable, unethical and perhaps illegal! You should have gone to your employer and reported the woman the first time she hit you up for money and discussed your financial status with your neighbors.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I hope you will discuss this with an attorney and determine what your legal options are. As to anyone who approaches you about contributing to their favorite causes, do not go into detail about what you are funding. Just say no.

DEAR ABBY: Twelve years ago, my son "Will" married "Mara." They dated in high school, wound up at the same college and eloped during their freshman year (way too young). In spite of their somewhat rocky relationship over the years, Mara and I always got along well. She became the daughter I never had, and she referred to me as "my other mom" when introducing me to her friends.

Through her, I also became close friends with her mother, "Ivy," a relationship that continues to this day. When the marriage was ending, I grieved not only for the marriage but also for what I thought would be the end of my relationship with both Mara and Ivy. It didn't happen. Mara and I are still in contact. We email, text and call each other often.

Happily, Will is fine with us being in touch and with my friendship with Ivy. He and Mara had what must be the most amicable divorce in history. The two of them (and their new spouses) are all great friends and see each other regularly.

Will married "Carrie" three years ago, and Carrie is perfect for him. I love her for the way she loves him and how great they are together. But I'm sad to say that Carrie and I aren't close the way Mara and I were (and still are), and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Carrie has had a busy life between going to college and a full-time job, and we don't get to see each other much. She doesn't like to talk on the phone, and I don't like Facebook, so we're not in contact except for a few random texts and emails here and there. I'd really like to be closer to Carrie, but I'm not sure how to get there. Any suggestions? -- TORN BETWEEN TWO DAUGHTERS

DEAR TORN: Your relationship with Mara developed over a long period of time. Carrie hasn't had the time to devote to a relationship with you because of her schooling and her job. As much as you might wish it, it isn't possible to "clone" relationships. The one you have with Mara and Ivy is deep-rooted.

If Carrie is finished with school now, her schedule may open up enough so the two of you can manage some one-on-one time if you take the initiative and invite her. A weekend "girls" lunch, spa afternoon or shopping together may be the way to approach it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about saying grace. I'm not religious, but I do consider myself respectful of others' religious practices. There is one issue, however, that I'd like some guidance on. When visiting someone's house and they ask me, the newcomer, to say grace, what do I do? I don't mind partaking in the custom; I understand it and I am not offended. But saying grace is beyond what I'm comfortable with. What's the way out of this situation without being disrespectful or compromising a strong view of my own? -- WONDERING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WONDERING: In the moment, you could always offer a friendly, complimentary deferral such as, "Oh, I'm sure you'll do a much better job at it than I could!" If it happens again, talk privately with your hosts and explain you are not formally religious and not in the habit of saying grace before meals, which is why you would prefer not to be asked.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 54-year-old gay man who has spent his life making decisions with everyone else in mind. Every decision, life choice, relationship and career move has been based on how I'm perceived by friends and family.

Currently, I'm living with my ex in my home. I'd like to live alone, but I feel responsible for his security. When I think about telling him I want to live separately, I feel like I'm letting him down. If I move, my family then has opinions on where I should live so I will stay in proximity to them. Also, we share dogs and I'm afraid if we split up the pack, I'm letting the dogs down.

All of this pressure results in me doing nothing. I have been drinking more to shut out the noise. I have considered giving up alcohol, but that will also disappoint many in my family because they like to drink. Please help me! -- GUILTY GUY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GUY: If ever I've heard from someone who is in need of counseling, it is you -- so that you can get in touch with who YOU are and what YOU want. You have a right to do what makes you happy. If there's an LGBTQ center near you, that would be the place to start. If there isn't, get counseling wherever it's available. If you want to quit drinking, just do it. If you are quiet about it, your family may not even notice. It may help you to think more clearly. The only thing you should not do is continue on the path you are on.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 20 years buys me, my son and my parents lots of thoughtful, wonderful gifts for holidays and birthdays. The problem is, it's way too much. She spends hundreds of dollars on us. I'm talking about mountains of gifts each year. My parents helped her financially a few years back when she was undergoing cancer treatment, and this is how she is repaying their generosity. But we don't need things; we just want her company.

Abby, she's now deep in debt and selling her house to pay down what she owes. As a result, she's moving across the country to live with her father, and I am preparing to miss her horribly. My parents and I have repeatedly asked her not to get us anything, but she keeps on shopping. I know this is her love language, but I also know she can't afford to be doing this, and I can't afford to reciprocate in kind. I don't know what else to do. -- GENEROUS IN THE EAST

DEAR GENEROUS: Your friend may be excessively generous because she feels indebted to your folks for their generosity when she needed it, because gift-giving is her "love language" or she may just be a spendaholic. Tell her you love her and will miss her terribly when she moves away, but what she has been doing has been making you uncomfortable because you have everything you need and can't afford to reciprocate in kind. Then ask her again to stop, because the most important gifts she has already given you -- her love and her many years of precious friendship.