DEAR ABBY: I'm a lesbian. My wife and I have been married for nine years, but since COVID and my mother's death, we have had problems. I met a man online; he's an actor. We grew close via the internet. When my wife found out, we fought, and this man and I haven't been as close.

Although we mended our relationship and I love her, I seem to always wonder. About a year ago, I got hit on by another actor on Instagram, and we also grew close until my wife found out. I stopped, but I still maintain contact with these men, and I'm not sure why.

I wonder if I'm happy with my wife or if it would be better with someone else. I wonder if I'm staying with her for love or for comfort. I'm not sure. I keep questioning my identity and my life. Any advice? -- LACKING CERTAINTY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LACKING CERTAINTY: If you were getting everything you need from your marriage, you wouldn't be "wondering" and reaching out to members of the opposite sex. It is important for you and your wife that you find the answers to your very important questions.

Because you are unsure about the depth of your commitment to your wife as well as your identity, your next step should be to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone who is qualified. Your local LGBTQ community center may also be able to help. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: A family friend, "Simone," makes the time we spend together unbearable. She's married to my husband's best friend, "Earl." We see them often and spend many holidays together. Before Earl married Simone, we thought she was a pretty normal person and a great match for him. Over time, we have come to realize that she's anything but.

Simone is loud and dramatic, and she loves to be the center of attention. One example: One day, she sat down in a chair and immediately started to panic that she could not get out of the chair due to her size (she's overweight). My husband and other friends were taken aback because it was visibly clear that she wasn't stuck. She demanded that someone help her get up, and it was embarrassing to watch.

Also, if she doesn't get her way, she resorts to talking like a baby or making a scene. She constantly complains about being sick. It happens every time she isn't the center of attention. My husband and I and another couple are getting fed up being around her. My husband has been best friends with Earl since they were kids, so this is a tough situation. I'd love some advice. -- HARD TO BEAR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HARD TO BEAR: Not all friendships last forever. The solution to your problem may be as simple as making yourself less available. Because your husband is on the same page as you and the other couple, it shouldn't be too hard to start seeing Earl and Simone less often. When the men want to get together, they can do it without you. Try it, and it may bring you some relief.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are raising our two daughters (6 and 7) alongside my sister and her son (10). My sister and her baby daddy separated before their child's birth because he was physically and emotionally abusive. However, the law allows him to still be in the boy's life.

I love my sister and my nephew, which is why we are raising our families as a village. The problem is, we are seeing similar characteristics in my nephew's behavior toward our daughters. He's manipulative and a little "overly familiar" toward my eldest daughter. She looks up to him, and he uses it to get her to do what he wants.

Now my 7-year-old is emotionally abusing and ostracizing my 6-year-old. I'm torn because my gut tells me to move and get my girls away from my nephew, but he, too, is a child, and I want to continue to support him so he can grow into a decent man. However, I am not willing to sacrifice my girls for his potential. What to do? -- CAUTIOUS MOM/AUNTIE

DEAR MOM/AUNTIE: Your children must come before your sister's son. Because your older daughter is now modeling her cousin's misbehavior and acting out against her little sister, it's time to discourage that behavior and limit, if not sever, the contact she has with her cousin before it creates lasting damage. You cannot save everyone. It is your duty to protect your daughters from any negative influence.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife are renting a property from me and my husband at a very reasonable rate in today's not-so-reasonable world. We recently found out they got a cat, even though the lease they signed clearly states no pets are allowed.

My son said we are taking this personally instead of approaching this as landlords. How can we not take this personally? He and his new wife have broken our trust. The ironic thing is, if we approached this only as landlords, we would evict them immediately.

What can we say to get them to understand how hurt we are without ruining the relationship? They are expecting a baby soon. We have already gotten the "sorry, not sorry" text. This is tearing us up as parents. -- RULES ARE RULES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR RULES: Tell your son you feel disrespected because he adopted a cat without clearing it with you. Although he may have said he wants you to act like the landlord you are, as a tenant, he is in violation of the terms of the lease he signed.

Whether or not you decide to give him and his wife an exception for their cat and allow them to keep the animal, please refer him to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website (CDC.gov). Precautions must be taken by pregnant cat owners in order to avoid contracting toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection, which can be passed to a fetus during pregnancy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my man for seven years and I keep asking him when we're getting married. He said we would -- "someday." Then COVID came along. Now he says after the pandemic is completely over. He has admitted he's scared to get married again because he doesn't want to be hurt like he was when his ex cheated on him. I told him I'm not like her. He says he knows that, and I'm the kindest, sweetest woman he's ever met.

I love this man with all my heart. We get along fine. I have my wedding dress and shoes. I'm tired of his excuses. I'm almost ready to say the heck with it and sell my dress and shoes. Should I? Please give me some advice. -- NEVER A BRIDE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NEVER A BRIDE: The COVID problem, with the many variants that keep cropping up, is likely to be with us for the foreseeable future. Tell your reluctant bridegroom you love him, but seven years is enough time for him to decide whether he wants to be married to you. You don't need a special dress and shoes to accomplish that, just a heart full of love and a willing partner. A visit to the courthouse is all that's required. If he still isn't willing to set a date, and being married is what you need, then it's time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman. My fiance, "Keith," is a widower. My two younger children have accepted and love him. My oldest daughter is slowly coming around. However, Keith's adult adopted sons and daughter are making it hard. One son has refused to have any contact with his father since his mom's death three years ago. The other son and daughter have been causing A LOT of pain because of their hatred toward Keith and me.

Keith and I argue more now, and I'm so overwhelmed and stressed that I'm often in tears. What can I do to get his son and daughter off our case? We have known each other more than 20 years and have been a couple for a year and a half. -- UNACCEPTED IN MISSOURI

DEAR UNACCEPTED: There is nothing you can do to change the attitudes of your fiance's adult children. You can, however, stay out of the line of fire. I wish you had mentioned what caused the hard feelings from Keith's children. Could they think you and Keith were romantically involved before his wife's death?

Because this is causing the two of you so much stress and pain that it's affecting your relationship, ask your physician to refer you to a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you both through this very unpleasant patch.

DEAR ABBY: What should I do when another married woman hugs my husband every time she sees him? -- BOTHERED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BOTHERED: If you complain to the woman, you risk being perceived as possessive and insecure. Ideally, your husband should tell her (privately) that he would appreciate it if she was less effusive when she sees him because it makes him uncomfortable.