DEAR ABBY: I am the father of an adult son, "Kirk," who is in a relationship with a younger woman who has a young child. Neither is well educated, but they both have decent jobs.

Kirk has a teenage daughter who is getting ready for college in another state. They are close, although I'm not sure to what degree he supports her financially. I have saved some money for her college, but he has not. Kirk never married her mom.

My concern had been that my son and his girlfriend might be trying to have a baby. When he told me she is pregnant, I was beyond livid and let him know what a mistake this was. I told Kirk he owns nothing nor does she, and asked what that baby has to look forward to. His girlfriend receives no support from her child's father.

My son has now stopped talking to me. Is this my fault? I spoke what I believed was in the best interest of all parties involved, financially and morally. -- SEES A MISTAKE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEES: Sometimes, before we speak, it is wise to ask ourselves, "Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" While your comment was true, the girlfriend is already pregnant.

Financially, Kirk will be on the hook until his second child becomes an adult, whether or not he marries the mother, so I'm thinking what you said was neither helpful nor kind. If you want a relationship with your son, it may be time to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian who has been in a relationship for a year and a half. My partner was with men the majority of her life. One of her last exes is someone she now calls her best friend. She talks with and texts him every day. I now have trust issues with them because of something I saw four months ago.

I love a lot about her, except she's not very affectionate with me, and I need that. I knew when I was first getting involved with her that he was going to be in her life. They have no children tying them together, but we all go kayaking often. Although I'm not comfortable with it, she has given me no choice if I want to kayak with her. She also hides things from me, like when she buys him gifts.

How do I handle the jealousy I feel for him? I can't stand to be around him, because I know in my gut there is deception. But I don't want to lose all the good I have with her. -- THREE'S A CROWD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR THREE'S A CROWD: What does "all the good you have with her" entail? What I gather from your letter is that you have spent a year and a half with someone who is bisexual, whom you don't completely trust, and who makes you feel like a third wheel.

From where I sit, your jealousy is justified. Three in a relationship is awfully crowded, unless it's by mutual agreement. If you haven't talked to her about your feelings, you should. And if you can't arrive at a resolution, end your suffering and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My very dear friend has discovered that her live-in boyfriend of two years has been hiding $55,000 in credit card debt. This man contributes very little to the household expenses (she owns the home) and barely helps to maintain it. Instead, he spends his money on alcohol and vaping products.

He refuses to share any details about his debt and doesn't like being asked about it. She has asked him to drink less and stop vaping entirely, but nothing has changed. What advice should I share with her? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want to give fair and honest advice. -- FRIEND WHO CARES IN MAINE

DEAR FRIEND: If you want to give your friend fair and honest advice, wait to be asked for it. Do not offer it unsolicited because it will be ignored. If, however, she should ask, feel free to let her have it with both barrels. Her boyfriend is a substance abusing freeloader who is unwilling to change, and she deserves better.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Juliet," recently lost her months-old baby under tragic circumstances. After several months, she is now pregnant again. Abby, I'm worried. She's in her 30s and wants to live with her mother for an indefinite period after the baby is born. Juliet is still with her husband.

I don't think this is healthy. It will not only take away from the couple's independence, but also reduce Juliet's confidence in being a new mother. We are so close that we call each other soul mates. Should I say something or let her do what she thinks is right? -- STANDING BY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STANDING BY: As concerned as you are about Juliet, let her do what she thinks is right. Having lost her baby "under tragic circumstances," she needs all the emotional support she can get. If her husband is fine with that arrangement, resist the urge to interfere.

DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, I worked all day cooking a lovely turkey dinner with all the side dishes and champagne. I told my "mature adult" boyfriend that dinner would be ready at 5 p.m.

At 5 p.m., I put the (hot) food on the table and called my BF to come in. Instead of coming to the table, "Mr. Mannerless" made an (unnecessary) phone call to a woman friend and talked for nearly an hour. While the dinner got cold, I got hot! When he finally got off the phone, he grabbed a plate of food and left to watch TV. He didn't even eat with me! What should I have done? -- SIMMERING IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SIMMERING: It isn't a matter of what you should have done last Christmas. The question is what you intend to do about someone as inconsiderate as the unappreciative turkey you have been dating. He may be a mature adult, but his disregard for your feelings is appalling.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up with very strict parents. They used money to control me, even after I graduated from college and grad school. I'm happy to report that I recently landed my dream job. I have achieved financial freedom and, at last, I'm independent.

My question is, how do I avoid going wild? I'm suddenly free to do whatever I want, and I'm tempted to go out and party like I never could before. I want to have fun, drink, dance and finally start dating (and maybe sleeping) around. I worry, though, that I don't know how to indulge without going over the top.

I've been going to concerts (which I love), staying up too late and eating a ton of junk food. All of that seems fine, within reason, but I already feel like I've been drinking too much, and I'm worried this might carry over into other aspects of my newly liberated existence. I would hate for my freedom to negatively impact my job performance or have any lasting negative consequences.

I know I'm dealing with something most people process in college, when there is a roommate to help you look out for yourself, a class schedule to maintain and limited funds to spend going out. Instead, I'm on my own, working a job I love with a flexible schedule and I earn enough money to go out as often as I please.

I know I should be saving and budgeting, but I haven't gotten there yet. I have a fair amount saved, and I add more every paycheck, but it's nothing formal. I definitely have been spending too much on clothes -- my wardrobe was a constant battleground before -- and I love wearing things I choose.

Basically, I'm asking for advice on how to enjoy my new freedom in a responsible, healthy way -- without going wild. -- UNLEASHED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNLEASHED: A way to avoid overspending and prepare for your future would be to start saving a predetermined amount from your paycheck on a regular basis. You didn't mention whether your employer has a program in place in which a certain amount of money can be automatically withheld from employees' salaries and placed in a retirement account. The way to find out is to ask.

As to your newfound freedom: Although you are a bright young woman and academically accomplished, you may need some guidance now, because your strict upbringing deprived you of learning experiences when you were younger. Talk about this with a licensed psychotherapist until you are less tempted to compensate by "running wild."

DEAR ABBY: How old is too old for a bride to have a wedding shower? I just turned 45, and this is my first marriage. My fiance is 49, and this is his second marriage. We are not "just starting out," by any means. Friends are insisting that I have a shower and register for key serving pieces, art pieces, etc. Would it be a faux pas, or does age not matter? Inquiring minds want to know. Thank you! -- WONDERING IN MISSOURI

DEAR WONDERING: If your friends would like to host a wedding shower for you, relax, enjoy yourself and agree. It would not be a breach of etiquette, and your age should not be a factor in whether you have one.