DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for more than a year. We met at the gym. We have similar interests and are both normally caring and loving to each other. We also have similar senses of humor.

We moved in together too quickly, after only six months. Our attempt at blending our kids and families has hit a lot of hard bumps. He is a very assertive and aggressive parent, while I'm the opposite. He has helped me with pointers and advice on taming my two boys' "attitudes," and both have changed the attitudes they had before and are doing good.

The problem is, my boyfriend has become controlling to the point that when anyone seems a little disrespectful or doesn't do what they were supposed to or told to do, he gets in the middle of it. When we have an argument, if we disagree on something, he curses at me or calls me names. This has become a dealbreaker for me. He says I spoil and coddle my kids, which is a dealbreaker for him. He always apologizes afterward, but then he does it again. This may seem obvious, but is this as clear as I'm thinking that we should break up? -- SOMEWHAT HOPELESS

DEAR SOMEWHAT HOPELESS: Because your "gentleman" (I use the term advisedly) friend becomes verbally abusive when you have a disagreement, recognize that he continues to do it because it works for him. The example his behavior has set for your boys is atrocious. I'm pleased that you are thinking as clearly as you have been. Offer him the option of couples counseling. If he refuses, for your kids' sakes if not for your own, move out and move on. The person you're involved with isn't just "aggressive" as much as he is a bully.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, who is 48, has mental issues. I have always tried to be there for him as much as I could without interfering with his independence. Although he is antisocial, he isn't dangerous to anyone. He has low self-esteem and takes things literally.

My parents have always been emotionally detached, but my brother has always craved Dad's acceptance. Because he felt that Dad favored me, he pushes me away and isolates himself. I have tried to stay in contact, and if I see him at the store, I speak to him, but he is so full of anger. Should I keep trying even though it's painful? I have tried telling him how I feel about the situation, but he lives in his own little world and can't relate to my feelings. I just worry that if he were to pass, I would feel guilty for not trying harder, but he makes it so difficult and painful. -- FACING OBSTACLES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FACING OBSTACLES: You are a good sister. But for your brother's sake as well as your own, it may be time to distance yourself emotionally from his mental problems. He may treat you the way he does because he is incapable of interpersonal relations, not because of anything you did or didn't do. Because you would feel guilty if you disengaged entirely, contact your brother every six or eight weeks or so to check in. If you encounter him in a store, be polite. If he's angry or belligerent, back off, continue your shopping or leave. Please don't take this as personally as you have. Your brother is unwell. You can't fix what's wrong with him. Follow your conscience, which is more than your parents have been doing -- and forgive yourself for not being able to do more.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a married man for the last five years. He lied to me about his status. He told me that a woman he'd had a 15-year relationship with had left him. I recently learned he has been with her for more than 30 years, and she's the mother of his kids. I have tried to walk away many times, but I always go back. I don't blame him, but I am very hurt by the deceptions. I have been hospitalized for depression three times since I've been with him. I'm not a homewrecker. He's not a demon. I just need help. I can't go on like this. My mental health is deteriorating rapidly now. Please help me. -- HEARTBROKEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You are stuck in a self-defeating cycle that isn't going to change. In my book, this married man IS a demon. He is an awful person with no conscience. Seeing the effect this affair has had on you (three hospitalizations for depression!?), if he had any conscience at all, he would have ended it. If you don't have a licensed mental health professional to talk with to help you disentangle yourself permanently from this destructive cycle, please ask for a referral to one now, before you have to be hospitalized again.

DEAR ABBY: I was a devoted son. I called and visited my parents regularly and took them on trips with my family. I have two grown kids I seldom see or hear from. Some of my friends tell me their kids are the same. Is this common with this generation or is it an anomaly? -- WONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WONDERING: It may be more common today. Whether because of insensitivity, the fact that younger people face more challenges and distractions than previous generations or some unresolved resentment toward their parents, I can't say. But your problem seems to have become less unusual over the last several decades. Phone calls have been replaced by texting, but texts lack the warmth and immediacy of verbal communication that former generations enjoyed. Could that be what you are missing?

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband and four beautiful kids. But lately I've started crushing on his best friend, and I sometimes fantasize about him. I love my husband with all my heart, and I'm truly happy with our marriage. How can I rid myself of these feelings? I don't know what they mean. -- MYSTIFIED IN MISSOURI

DEAR MYSTIFIED: It means you are human. A way to control your fantasies would be to quit feeling so guilty about having them. You are far from the only woman to develop crushes on unattainable men. Fan clubs for actors and television personalities come immediately to mind. The time to worry and possibly seek professional help would be when the crush starts having a negative effect on your marriage. You say you love your husband. If that's true, show him the respect he deserves by reminding yourself not to follow through on those fantasies.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years, together for eight. We have two kids together. Over the last year, he has changed a lot and has treated me very badly. He's always frustrated with me, accusing me of not caring about him and things of that nature. He puts me down by saying I think I'm a good person but I'm not.

I noticed the changes in him and suspected he might be having an affair or using drugs. It turns out that he has been using drugs. I told him from the beginning that if he touched this certain drug, I would show him the door. He finally admitted the truth, but only because his older brother told me and he had no choice. He had a great job, which he quit after he refused a drug screen. I'm so upset and hurt by his lies and the drug abuse. He has been moved out for a little over a week now and hasn't even asked about the kids. Do you think this is grounds for a divorce, or should I try to help him through his addiction and let him come back home? -- ADDICT'S WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE: Is your husband still jobless? Has he told you that he loves you and wants to come back? Is he willing to join a support group and get help for his addiction? If the answers are no, then please realize that the only person responsible for overcoming his addiction is himself, not you. And yes, I think this may be grounds for divorce -- unless you want those children living under the same roof with a verbally abusive drug addict who shows no interest in them.

DEAR ABBY: I love my father, but I'm sick of trying so hard with him. When we used to spend time together, he would ignore me if I spoke but respond if my husband said the same thing right after me. If he did act like he heard me, he'd just grunt or act disinterested in what I said.

Now, if I try to contact him, he doesn't answer my calls or texts, and I feel like I'm bothering him. If I don't contact him, he tells everyone I "never call" and that I keep my kids from seeing him. Lately, he has been spreading a rumor that I went into his house and stole family items. His house has an alarm and stays locked up. (I also live several hundred miles away.)

He refuses counseling and denies any responsibility for conflicts in his relationships. I'm tired of the emotional anguish and games. My mom, who divorced him decades ago, wants me to keep trying because she cherished her relationship with her own now-deceased father so much. Do I honor my mother and keep trying? Or should I put my foot down and let my mother know I refuse to be abused this way? -- CAN'T WIN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CAN'T WIN: Your mother was smart enough to get away from your father, whose behavior is abusive. Explain to her (it's surprising she hasn't already noticed) that your relationship with him is diametrically opposed to the one she enjoyed with her own father. It's unfortunate that the relationship you have with your dad isn't healthy for you, and it certainly won't benefit your children to see you treated the way he has been treating you. So if you're asking my permission to keep your distance from your father, you have it.