DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together 20 years, married for 12. We have weathered ex-spouses, step-parenting, nine military deployments between us, serious health issues and everyday normal life. My husband is an infinitely better person than I am, and I have always tried to care for him. We are in our early 40s and recently retired.
This year, our children will be out of the house, and we have bought a beautiful home in a dream location for the two of us to start our next adventure together. I love my husband, but over the last few years, almost everything he says makes me extremely angry or annoyed. I have never felt like this before in our relationship, and I don't know why this is happening now. No one else makes me feel this way.
I don't know where to start on addressing the problem. I have told my husband a little bit, and he says he feels like I no longer love him or need him. But, Abby, I do everything for him. I manage all our bills and finances. I cook three meals a day. I clean the house, the yard and the cars. I do everything he asks for if he needs help or assistance. I try to always be there if he needs to talk or vent. I stay in shape and available for him. I don't know what else to do to make him feel loved and to make my anger go away. Please help. -- MYSTIFIED IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR MYSTIFIED: I'm not sure your husband is "an infinitely better person" than you are. I wish you had mentioned one thing that he does to make YOU feel loved and needed, because from where I sit, you have been shouldering the entire load. Your anger and resentment may stem from your awakening to this fact. Those feelings may dissipate if you discuss them with a marriage and family therapist, preferably in the presence of your husband.